cococly Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 I recently told my ex of 3.5 yr to “stop messaging me”, as she kept randomly mesaage me constantly over the past 2 months, not for relationship matters, but just random topics. She dumped me for a guy she has barely known for 2 weeks. Anyway, I read conflicting posts about remaining or refusing to be friends with your ex after they have dumped you. If your goal is to see if you can reconcile with your ex, you ought to start, by at least become a friend with your ex to start again. I know I still have feeling for her, can someone tell me why is it bad to remain friends with your ex, when you still have feelings about them? Also, I don't know if my ex tries to initiate contacts on non-relationship topics with me are for “ego boost” or not? All I know is, she is with the other guy now, yet some couple do get back together after such breakups. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyman Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Let me answer your question with some questions... If you remain friends with your ex because you wish to reconcile, how is it going to feel to watch them fall in love with someone else? How is it going to feel to see the happy pictures, the words of the amazing times together that you wished you had done with them? How would if feel to watch them break up and NOT come back to you but start seeing someone else again? it would suck, it would hurt, it would keep the wound open and you would not heal, move on and perhaps not meet a better person for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomthumb88 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 I originally thought remaining friends was a good idea but the more I thought about it the more it appeared I was accepting a downgrade. Like I'm agreeing with her that I'm not enough to be a full partner but I'm ok with scraps. I told my ex I couldn't do the "friends" thing anymore and she told me there wasn't anyone else and probably wouldn't be... huh? Anyway, it's been NC for about a month Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennylove Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 1month of NC is great. No need to be friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomthumb88 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 In your case there is another guy for sure.. I'd transmit a very brief message telling her how you feel about her, that you're willing to work on the relationship and that she should contact you if she wants to try. Then go no contact Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Blaze Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Why would you be friends with someone who left you and got in a relationship a week later? You have been downgraded. To me its a kick in the face for her to be friends with you right after dating someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotty123 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 As people have said above, why would you want to remain friends with her ? I know you said you had feelings for her, but she has moved on and now you need to too. I won't send her any messages if I were you, I would just go off the grip completely, as far as she are concerned. My ex who dumped me wanted to be friends and acted all shocked that I had block her from everything (appart from snail mail !). But I don't need her pity and I will not be a fake friend to her after she dumped me. My relationship was of a similar length and was supposed to be very serious. But she cast me aside, so her loss and my future is all mine and nothing to do with her ! Hope you get through stuff, cause it's certainly not easy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LonelyJedi Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Never. Don't do it... Like Keyman mentioned, how would it make you feel that they moved on? Ask yourself: Can I handle being just "friends"? Can you handle them telling you about how great their new person is? Can you handle them displaying affection in front of you? If the answer to any of these questions is even close to a "NO", then don't be friends with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 I recently told my ex of 3.5 yr to “stop messaging me”, as she kept randomly mesaage me constantly over the past 2 months, not for relationship matters, but just random topics. She dumped me for a guy she has barely known for 2 weeks. Anyway, I read conflicting posts about remaining or refusing to be friends with your ex after they have dumped you. If your goal is to see if you can reconcile with your ex, you ought to start, by at least become a friend with your ex to start again. I know I still have feeling for her, can someone tell me why is it bad to remain friends with your ex, when you still have feelings about them? Also, I don't know if my ex tries to initiate contacts on non-relationship topics with me are for “ego boost” or not? All I know is, she is with the other guy now, yet some couple do get back together after such breakups. So...how is communicating with your ex while she is in a relationship a road to getting back together? When you are "Friends" with an ex -- they get used to the idea of being able to sleep with someone - but still have you to dump on. You must respect that she is in a relationship by not communicating with her and its either a relationship or nothing - no "friendship". She can't miss what she had if you are friends with her. If she was dating you for 3.5 years and then left you for another guy --- why not have some dignity? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomthumb88 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 I agree with the above 100% That doesn't mean they'll come back but at least you retain some dignity this way. By being friends you are essentially agreeing with the ex that you're not good enough to be a full partner. If you have the resume to be CEO would you accept a position as the janitor? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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