Breaking up with a friend

[icysolstice]

I don't normally do this, but I need advice for this one.

 

My best friend of 25 years ultimately betrayed me. She went behind my back and said very hurtful things about me to a mutual friend.

 

A year ago, my partner got a text stating I did a lot of things I never did. It put a strain on us and we almost broke up. Come to find out a year later my friends fiance was the one who texted him, I blamed an old friend of mine for these actions. My friend, my best friend idly stood by while her fiance did this to me. She never told me, and kept this a secret for fear of having to deal with the consequences.

 

When confronting her, she denied the whole thing. I know I can't live knowing what's been done. It breaks my heart but I want to break this friendship off.

 

So the advice I'm asking is, what is the best way? I think I should just tell her we are no longer friends, not give her a reason why, and let her try to figure it out while I move on with my life.

 

But I don't know if that's TOO cruel. Suggestions?

[Starlight925]

I would never speak to her again.

 

Ghost her. Unfriend her, block her number.

 

Treat her as you would a partner who betrayed you like this.

 

I've done this, and it's a very peaceful feeling knowing you won't have to deal with this person hurting you ever again.

[carmelia26]

You can do 2 things. You can confront the situation head on and say "Look, this whole situation has been killing me and I'm hurt and I am not going to be able to get through it if we are still associating. I need to step back and work through it on my own. I might find myself on a path that doesn't lead to this friendship being healed but that's the choice I have to face to heal myself." Or you can literally just keep missing her calls and being too busy to make plans until the friendship fades naturally. If you stop contacting her, will she contact you?. I asked myself that once concerning a "best friend" and put it to the test, you would be surprised how easy it is to miss 2 calls and then notice they don't call again. Which also says something about your friendship. Good luck to you.

[indea08]

I would literally just send a text saying "what you did was unforgivable and I'm better off without a friendship with you." And proceed to block.

[melancholy123]

I agree with indea08. I've walked away from alleged "friends" who were just to difficult to deal with for whatever reasons. Maybe that's the coward's way out, but it works for me.

[SherrySher]

Nah, not the cowards way out at all. Some situations and people don't deserve anymore wasted time and energy. Walking away and not saying a word is sometimes healthier and easier.

 

I'd only speak up if she asks straight out why you've disappeared but even then, I would state my reasons and leave it at that without a ton of dramatics.

[Jibralta]

I think I should just tell her we are no longer friends, not give her a reason why, and let her try to figure it out while I move on with my life.

 

But I don't know if that's TOO cruel. Suggestions?

 

I think it's appropriate, not cruel at all. But you know her best--I say that because I once had to break up with a friend, too. It was, like, impossible to get rid of her. And then, when she finally got it through her head that I was done, she tried to make it like she broke up with me. I guess whatever people need to do to make themselves feel better, right? Anyway, it's possible that I lost a few other 'friendships' as a result of that mess, but who cares? Fifteen years later and I still feel relieved that I am free. So, you probably will need to stand up through a little flak, and reassert yourself a bunch of times, but it's definitely well worth that discomfort to be rid of such a smelly turd.