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Boyfriend sex doll obsession...I snooped. How wrong am I?


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We've been in a monogamous relationship for 6 years, never had any real issues, and have a pretty frequent at least once a day on average sex life.

 

We're open with each other sexually, open about masturbating, and using sex toys together.

 

Just recently after years he bought his first flesh light type toy. Then over the next few months I noticed he got 10+ of them, starting to get bigger and bigger like full body part toys. Many boxes that took up a big portion of the closet. A little weird to me, bothered me a little deep down that he had way more sex toys to use alone than my one showerhead but hey I knew I had to get over it but still no biggie it's his money and his sex drive is clearly peaking. I tried to think of it as it could be just as weird, similar priced, not that useful as a collecting figurines or something.

 

One day we were somehow talking about sex toys or something that made him mention "I got a $2000 sex doll and I'm kind of embarrassed, it's not that great"

 

Okay that point...I felt pretty shocked. Both money-wise and in the ego. A sex doll seems so much different than any other masturbation toy in my mind. It's just very...real. Which I could understand for a single guy. But knowing the guy I have sex with everyday thought a $2000 doll would be something he needed felt like a punch in the gut. On top of that, the money part really stung...we don't share a bank account but we were actively working towards buying a house together when he bought it...then soon after he quit his job and I become the sole money maker. I tried to ignore it because it was still his money and I know I shouldn't shame my partner sexually for any reason as long as it's legal but honestly I could not stop thinking about and getting myself down. It was eating a hole in me.

 

I noticed he would frequently jump and close tabs when I walked in the room and it was so nerve wrecking one day I had to go and do the ty horrible thing and snoop. To see dozens of sex doll sites, bookmarks to buy more dolls, forums for sex doll collectors, virtual sex doll porn. Just...so much stuff. It was his entire computer and it was clear he was looking at them every day every time I wasn't in the room. I didn't confess to snooping.

 

It's been months now and I have horrible guilt about snooping and still horrible sinking gut feeling that I know this "secret" and it's left me with this weird hangup about sex...just knowing that I can't fully satisfy him and no matter how much we have sex, he's waiting for me to leave to use the sex doll. It's just obvious that it is his #1 thing that he is into and yet he claimed to be "embarrassed he bought it because it's no good" and "will probably never even use it anymore now that we have sex a lot" about the sex doll when he first mentioned it to me. I never shamed him for it or anything...I don't know if he actually is ashamed of this or wants to cover up his obsession for whatever reason.

 

Again...it's really just the sex doll part that bothers me and I wish I could erase it from my mind. If his sex drive just happened to skyrocket after years and he wanted more and needed to masturbate between having sex I'd understand, I do the same sometimes. But the idea that it has to be with a real looking doll gets to me. Knowing that I am snooping piece of gets to me even more though.

 

 

I guess what I'm looking for is for everyone to please tell me I am a piece of for snooping and I brought this upon myself because that is what it feels like. Just had to get it off my chest.

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I guess I don't see snooping the same way as most. In this instance, you felt he was doing two things: lying to you about the amount of time and money he was spending on his obsession, and sort of cheating with the doll. Add to that, you were both supposedly on the same page with finances, supposedly saving for a house, yet he blows $2000 on a doll. $2000....that you know of. I have a hunch it could be way, way more.

 

I feel like snooping, when this much evidence has been compiled, is akin to gaining a search warrant. You want to protect yourself. You want to save yourself from, say, walking down an aisle, only a decade and 2 kids later, to discover that he stays home all day with his dolls while you support the family. I feel like in this type of instance, the snooping is warranted.

 

I know that many do not agree with my belief re: snooping in this type of instance, but so be it.

 

Having said that: Yes, I agree this is a problem. There was a documentary I watched about people who are addicted to their sex dolls. Eventually, they have rooms full of different dolls, and it's all they do. I see your boyfriend headed this way.

 

I unfortunately don't have any advice. Just empathy.

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I think your boyfriends needs some kind of help. It sounds as thought this is becoming addictive behaviour.

 

I don't know how you can bring this up to him or if you will, but I don't think your relationship will remain healthy if you continue like this.

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Oh no, honey.

 

Do not buy a house with this man. You are not married to him and also can't trust him with money. I can see how someone would pay $2k on care repair with their severance package to ensure they didn't have to worry about things, etc, while the money was still there, etc. but a sex doll??

 

I think that you need to talk about your feelings -

- about different ideas of handling finances, for one.

- how a sex doll makes you feel.

 

Clear the air.

 

You know about the sex doll -- you really don't need to talk about snooping on the phone because its out in the open.

 

And do NOT support him financially. He needs to pay his own bills.

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