Fiancé of over 5 years cheated and left me for another woman. I'm devastated!

[JKH]

Helplessly -

 

Thank you...

I just saw that in her post from last night were she said she was "with her man" and he replied with "Baby

 

This just sent me over the top because it proves that they are together and he doesn't care if the world knows. If they are indeed engaged I feel like I will go crazy.

 

Through the social worker at my job I found a place that offers free counseling services locally. They will call me a little after 12. Hopefully I can see someone today because I feel like my mind is going to explode.

[LonelyJedi]

Helplessly -

 

Thank you...

I just saw that in her post from last night were she said she was "with her man" and he replied with "Baby

 

This just sent me over the top because it proves that they are together and he doesn't care if the world knows. If they are indeed engaged I feel like I will go crazy.

 

Through the social worker at my job I found a place that offers free counseling services locally. They will call me a little after 12. Hopefully I can see someone today because I feel like my mind is going to explode.

 

You must block him and her from your life, starting with all digital avenues.

Blocking is a great thing... it completely removes all traces of him & her from your Facebook life. You can't see them and they can't see you.

 

I have also tried counseling, it has given me some comfort but not enough for me to get over my ex-fiance completely.

And not to talk about these evil people again, but they are just in the honeymoon stage. If they truly are engaged (holy moly...) it certainly can't last that long. And even if it does, you don't need this person in your life. He is evil.

[LaHermes]

I can't say it any better than Bolt did.

 

"Anyway, there is no reason whatsoever for you (or anyone else) to give that much money to an able-bodied adult unless there is some kind of arrangement to pay it back. And him dumping you not long after you paid for him to start his business? Yeah, that's a class A user right there. Brings to mind the wife or husband who puts their spouse through medical school only to be dumped for a younger model once the spouse starts earning the big money.

 

Retrieve YOUR car, cancel the phone plan, and be grateful that you can now spend your hard-earned money on YOU, or save it if you wish. The leech is gone, hallelujah!"

 

JKH.

 

The sad fact is that you were conned, swindled and defrauded. Look at this as if you had been held up and mugged by a criminal. Because essentially he is no better than a bandit.

 

And by the way I can assure you that this is how he was back at the beginning too, don't think this aspect is only coming out now. He pulled the smoke and mirrors trick big time.

 

The only thing of interest here is not "them" or anything to do with them, but to retrieve your cash (if you can), and then you will have the work of retrieving yourself. You'll get back to yourself JKH, don't worry. He's off your hands now.

 

What an awful experience!!

[abitbroken]

The sad fact is that you were conned, swindled and defrauded. Look at this as if you had been held up and mugged by a criminal. Because essentially he is no better than a bandit.

 

And by the way I can assure you that this is how he was back at the beginning too, don't think this aspect is only coming out now. He pulled the smoke and mirrors trick big time.

 

The only thing of interest here is not "them" or anything to do with them, but to retrieve your cash (if you can), and then you will have the work of retrieving yourself. You'll get back to yourself JKH, don't worry. He's off your hands now.

 

What an awful experience!!

 

There is no swindling. She did it freely. its not like he said that he had a relative trying to get to America and he needed $2oK -- there was no deception. She chose to support this man - whether deepdown she did it so he'd keep her around or it would secure her position as girlfriend or she was young and naive at the time - not sure. So learn from the mistakes. Go get your car and shut off his phone immediately. no 'working things out'

[LaHermes]

Abit.

 

I didn't like to put it to the OP in those terms, because I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone would "keep" a man, regardless of whether he is 25, 29, 39 or 59, or whether he has 3 or 7 children.

 

But no matter what, geeze, you'd have to be brainwashed to a degree to hand out money like that, to be so easily convinced, and my question really is : how did he do it?! I find it unimaginable.

 

I would ask the OP, surely there were other and better men in your life? There had to have been some red flags there......

[boltnrun]

My ex would use the very same excuse each time he "left" a job. It was always because the employer didn't pay him. I mean, he couldn't even be creative enough to come up with different excuses. Always used the same one.

 

The truth was, he is a crack addict and as soon as he got his first paycheck he'd disappear on a crack bender for a week, then reappear looking like he'd slept on a park bench (which he probably had). He acted oh so offended when I told him it sounded like BS to me. And of course the employer wouldn't take him back after he left for a week with no notice.

 

Oh, but I did recognize the BS.

 

I think you have to really, really want to believe something for a scammer to get away with their scams. Look at the woman who posted on here who'd fallen for the "I'm buying you a car, all you have to do is send me the shipping costs" scam that had been exposed years ago! She wanted to believe so she did. My friend is involved in an affair with a married man and even though he flat out told her he will not leave his wife, she told me she "has faith" that they will be together some day if she's just "patient" enough.

 

I'm sure the OP's ex told her a story that she wanted to believe. I'm sure she acted out of love, but at some point you need to let your logic rule when your emotions are leading you down a bad road. It's a shame that she lost out on so much, but she can regain some of it now...most importantly, her dignity and self-respect. And like I posted before, the leech is gone so now she can spend her money on herself or save it or do whatever she wishes with it. It was an expensive lesson but hopefully one that will stick.

[LaHermes]

Yep, Bolt.

 

I shake my head here, every day....and IRL too.

 

I don't know what gets into people (no pun intended).

 

I am betting he tried it on too with other women (who no doubt told him to get lost) before he eventually found the OP.

 

I mean, someone who trots out a line like this:

 

He said he feels like he's making the worst mistake of his life by leaving me and that he may soon regret it.

[JKH]

Hi everyone and thank you for your replies,

 

LaHermes –

I agree that it was very stupid of me to do so much for him. But I don’t think I was “brainwashed”. I definitely didn’t do it to keep him around either. It was a big mistake on my part but I did it out of a genuine desire to help him get back on his feet. I guess I had too much faith in him.

 

An update on this story:

I went to his parents’ house where he lives to return some stuff and get my stuff back while he was at work. I have a very good relationship with his parents and thought they deserved to know the truth. When I told them what happened they really shocked, disappointed, and angry at him.

All of a sudden my ex shows up. He was supposed to be working but he went home to pick up some stuff. He didn’t even look at me when he went inside the house. I informed him that I would be picking up the car today and told him to leave it at his parents’ when he left to work. He said “okay”. We went inside his room together so I could retrieve my belongings.

 

During our whole interaction he was extremely distant and cold. I told him that considering I spent tens of thousands of dollars on him I would like to get at least a portion of it back when he could afford it. He said he wanted to pay me and would get in touch with me. I told him not to contact me and to have his parents call me instead. He just said “okay” very calmly, as if not speaking to me ever again doesn’t matter to him. I was acting calm and neutral but inside I just wanted to cry. Despite his horrible betrayal and all the damage he caused, he seems to have no remorse. In fact, the way he was talking to me made me feel like all he wants is for me to disappear from his life already so he can be with his new woman. He’s acting as if I never existed or mattered in his life, like all our years together and all we went through together mean nothing to him. I feel like he sees me as a piece of garbage that he can just easily throw away and forget about. This is what kills me. A friend who works for him says that he and the new woman are always flirting and acting happy at work as if nothing had happened. They are in fact engaged, and were joking about having a baby. I feels like a huge slap to the face, like a big “f*ck you” to me.

 

But finding out the truth actually helped to lessen my pain. I realized that the person I loved for 5 years doesn’t exist anymore. It’s a shame because he doesn’t seem to be in peace. He’s always tense and stressed out and everyone around him says he’s changed. He seems like a completely different person now and this was a shock to everyone who knew him.

 

I honestly hope it doesn’t last, and for several reasons I believe it won’t. They have only been together for around one and a half months and they are already engaged! He only broke up with me 5 days ago. And I also found out from his parents that he had been occasionally spending the night elsewhere for the past two or three weeks. They just assumed he was with me. I also found out that he’s pretty much been living at her place since we broke up 6 days ago.

I don’t want to sound arrogant, but this girl seems trashy, immature and even sl*tty. She seems to have the kind of personality that would clash with his. Everyone tells me they don’t understand why he would leave me for her.

 

Thank you everyone for your advice. I know it will get better with time.

[Annia]

I'm very sorry for all of this. I just want to talk a little about this:

 

"I blame myself because ever since he opened his business 5 months ago we became more and more distant. He’s been stressed out all the time. I blame myself for not being more involved in his life, for not helping and supporting him enough."

 

Well...you always supported him! Don't fall for those guilt feelings please. You supported him financially and emotionally through out all the relationship and he was all about ME ME ME and my dreams first, even if he had to live off you. This didn't happen for lack of support from you. You couldn't have supported him more or be there more. He made the CHOICE of disrespecting and disonouring your relationship when he had this with her and I don't believe for a second that the feelings just happened and that this was so recent that he would break up with you just because a woman he always knew started to work there 3 weeks ago. He made the CHOICE of being selfish. Of not making an effort to not be dependent on you and of dispose of you once he finally got his dream job and sidepiece and didn't need you anymore. He made the choice of never having work towards moving in with you and building a life together except when he needed your money. Could he at least support his children?

 

Yes, you deserve much better than this person. It doesn't matter the other girl or if she backs off or not... this is not someone who you can trust. Also don't be surprised and please don't fall for that if he returns to you once his finances get short again and the other girl tells him to f--- off. Don't let him be your parasite again, please.

 

Things to do now:

- Cut him out of your life all together and this includes STOPPING all the payments. No more paying for his car (if it's in his name) or his cellphone service or anything... it's enough. If the car is in your name you get the car. It's yours. You're not his mother. This is very important.

- No contact and avoiding to know anything about his life

- In future relationships avoiding supporting people and being taken advantage of like you were. You need to figure out what made you do that so that you can avoid in the future. You need to understand that he took advantage of you and that's awful but you also allowed it. It's time to turn the page and learn with this. If someone is not married with you (or living like a married couple) and doesn't contribute proportionally, you have no business paying them for stuff like this.

- Also trying to figure out why you were so willing to blindly forgive him after these revelations with no more questions asked. Ask yourself why you do everything for this man and demand so little from him. This is important to avoid situations like this in the future.

 

Also I'm upset about the fact that he breaks up with you for the other woman and doesn't even mention the car or the cellphone plan???? Does this person simply expects and feels entitled for you to keep on paying for his stuff forever even after the break up? This tells you what type of person this is. Sorry, situations like this make me salty and you blaming yourself for lack of support makes me sad.

 

I wish you the best.

[Annia]

"but deep down I still have a little bit of hope that he will realize he made a mistake and come back to me" - I'm sorry to be harsh, but after what he's done and how he used you, if he comes back to you it won't be because he realizes that he made a mistake... it will be because he needs you again and he knows he has you on the hook and that he can manipulate you to feel guilty so that you take him back if he needs to use you again. And actually, he didn't just made a mistake now... he made a mistake the day he started taking advantage of you. You need to look at that also and not just this betrayal with the other woman. If you put this in perspective and judging from his actions from day 1 I'm sure you'll realize that this relationship was never balanced and mutual beneficial.

[Annia]

Nothing to envy there, Jedi. Nothing.

 

Loving someone does not mean being their caretaker, mother, fixer, bank, educator.

 

This a 1000%. I can't stress this enough!

 

Besides in the long run, everyone that was ever used or taken advantaged of will realize that if their exes don't contact them anymore (to use them some more or manipulate them more as usuallty) they are extremely lucky! Healing happens when you stop choosing the quick fix which is their validation and attention and go for the long term healthier (but harder) way of keeping away from toxic situations and people and choosing self respect and emotional independence.

[Annia]

Hi LonelyJedi,

Yes, that is true. I did all that for him because I truly loved him. I still do, unfortunately. I'm sorry about your ex-fiance. I hope we can heal and get over our exes. At least we know that the pain won't last forever, but in the meanwhile it feels like such a torture.

 

 

 

 

Exactly! I told him that his girl has the integrity to be honest and respectful with me, which he doesn't. I told him she has way more balls than him and he's a coward.

 

 

 

Honesltly I don't think he wants to bait me in. Stupidly I wish he still had even the slightest interest in me, but I don't think so. It's clear to me that he wants to pursue a relationship with her.

 

 

boltnrun -

 

Nooo, there's no way. Before I found out about the other woman I was willing to continue to pay for the car and phone for a little while, while we figured something out. But now that I know about the woman there's no way I'm going to pay for a car just so that he can drive around with --or call-- the one that he cheated with.

 

But even if there wasn't another girl you shouldn't be paying a car or anything for that matter to an ex. Even if you were still together he'd still have to start paying things for himself.

[Annia]

" Everyone tells me they don’t understand why he would leave me for her."

 

Thanks god he left you for her... and don't feel bad, people like this don't leave their partners without having another source of supply in line. Let her deal with him, but don't think too much about how she's this or that. People like him are very narcissistic. He used you as his supply for money and validation. Now that you're no longer useful and he got another supply he can leech her like the parasite that he is. He'll probably move in with her and she will support him. The engagement was probably his way of manipulating her. Unlike you she probably didn't take support him without being married or having some sort of garante. When he's done with her, he'll leave her for another supply that he has put in line for the next round. But don't stand around watching the outcome of this or expecting them to break up. But if accidently you get to know that after years and years they are together, thank God that you're not that manipulated woman anymore and that someone else is being his supply of narcissism. And yes, a woman that accepts dating or being engaged with a man who just broke up with his fiance is someone that has problems too and is setting herself up to also be used and manipulated.

 

Years ago I was in a 3 years relationship with a parasite. I was the one who broke up with him because I finally woke up, but our stories has lots of similarities... except that he actually made up lies to justify asking for money. But I CHOSE to be manipulated and to support him for a while. Some time from now, just like I did, you'll feel so relieved that you're not with a parasite anymore. Finally you'll be able to breath, to spend your money on yourself and your future plans, to evolve as a person and to find someone who would NEVER accept this kind of financial support. That's integrity and that's what you want in a partner. Not only someone who is independent and can support himself already, but also, and this is very important, someone that would never accept to be a leech.

[cristina88]

First of all, you sound like an AMAZING woman that any guy on this planet would be freaking lucky to have!!! I can't believe you did all that for him and that is what you get in return... i'm sorry but you deserve so much more and you are my age, you have an entire life ahead of you to experience more amazingness.

 

This guy sounds like my current bf in a couple of ways..i'm 28 and he's 46. He cheated on his ex-wife with me and i'm expected to trust him after seeing he's been lying to me too. Even though this guy says he loves me and wants a future with me... and when i'm away for 10 days to see my mom, he's already looking at escort websites. But I don't care anymore, i'm getting ready to move on

 

In your case, your man decided to be selfish for whatever reasons, he could be very insecure and most definitely, he got with that girl while you guys were together. But don't think about it anymore, you'll drive yourself crazy and it's not worth it.

 

And the girl he's with... she's no better than you and I swear to you.. those two won't last very long. Just laugh at it and start seeing other guys (even make friends with guys). What you need to do is focus on yourself, limit your contact with your soon to be ex bf but don't help him anymore.. help yourself. I am sure he was good to you in the beginning and things were amazing... but he made a mistake. You are worth so much more than that .. ughh if you take him back he will lie and do things behind your back and I have experience this already

[melancholy123]

"but deep down I still have a little bit of hope that he will realize he made a mistake and come back to me" - I'm sorry to be harsh, but after what he's done and how he used you, if he comes back to you it won't be because he realizes that he made a mistake... it will be because he needs you again and he knows he has you on the hook and that he can manipulate you to feel guilty so that you take him back if he needs to use you again. And actually, he didn't just made a mistake now... he made a mistake the day he started taking advantage of you. You need to look at that also and not just this betrayal with the other woman. If you put this in perspective and judging from his actions from day 1 I'm sure you'll realize that this relationship was never balanced and mutual beneficial.

 

What bothered me a lot in the early posts from the OP was her thought that she wanted this slug back. If he did come back, he'd just pick up where he left off, using her once more for money and possessions and then when some other girl comes along who turns his crank, he'll be gone again.

 

As this sad saga continued I can see the OP is doing her best, at this time, to accept it's over and that she needs to be done with him, and yes it's going to be a long and painful process for her. She needs to figure out why she allowed him to take such advantage of her for so long and learn from that and vow to never get in that situation again.

 

My theory is this slug feels like a major POS right now, he knows he's done her wrong, he knows he cant be seriously involved with the new girl and claim to be legitimately engaged in about 5 days. He knows he's going to be in major sh*t with his parents and everyone who knows him and can see right thru him. He's a real worm and karma is gonna bite him in the butt really good.

 

OP get some therapy and learn how to cope and how to see straight. Get your car back, cancel his phone, change your number, go NC, block him and her on facebook. Take time to feel like crap, you won't get over this quickly, it's too much to deal with right now. Keep posting here, there's a lot of people who care and a lot of excellent advice.

[ParisPaulette]

Oh hon, this is awful. Look, as much as it hurts you need to go no contact on this moocher/con artist. And yes, that's absolutely what he is. You can't see it now, because you've been too enmeshed.

 

Get the car back or take him to small claims court to get it from him or if it's solely in your name, just go get it and change the locks when he's not around. Do whatever you have to do to get this guy out of your life. This guy uses people and now that your eyes have been opened to the type of person he is, admit he took you for a ride, the blinders off, and you need to take the gloves off and punch him (not literally) out of your life and your finances so hard he never comes near you again.

 

And next time, learn from this. You become financial partners after marriage after you both see a financial adviser together to figure out how to split finances. You don't support a grown-a@@ man (or woman either fellas, just saying) who is and should be working as well. Consider this a life lesson. Grieve for the loss of who you thought this guy was, but don't be blinded or try to deceive yourself that he is something he's not - a good man who you were not worthy of, because the truth is he isn't worthy of you and he just proved that. In spades.

 

So cut him out and don't take him back when another woman realizes what he is and decides to hand him back to you to be your problem. Your only regret in this, in the end, is going to be you didn't pay attention to the red flags sooner and get him gone before he made a dent in your hard-earned cash. The good news is you're free and I know that doesn't feel like good news right now, but if you do this right trust me, a year from now you will be wondering what the hell you were thinking to begin with.

 

Get the car back, change all your financial information so he has no access to it and can't steal from you. Put a credit freeze on your name in fact, because yeah otherwise as much as you don't to believe it someone like this could do something rotten like try to take out loans in your name or even the down payment on a house. This has been posted about before on this forum and in other places, so first order of business dry your tears and get busy protecting your hard-earned money and cutting him out of your life for good. You can grieve in private yes, and you will, but this takes some fast and serious action right now so get going to get yourself protected.

 

And not one more thin dime for him.

 

P.S. I know it's easy to demonize the other woman, I've done that too, but he's the one you should be thinking of as trashy and sl**ty. She's just another woman who got snookered by him and you want to make sure he knows that avenue is closed when she finally has enough and dumps him or can't support him the way you were. As the fog clears you will begin to see the red flags, and you'll get very angry at both him and yourself, and you may even get into therapy for it, but I will reassure you that you will come out the other side of this wiser and better. He on the other hand, will still be a fool who uses people. So I think you're getting the better end of the deal, don't you?

[Knight2001]

hi,

i feel so sorry for you. he really has taken liberties.

sort the car out. if he refuses to give you it back employ a bailiff to take it from him. stop paying for his phone now.

do not ever ever go back with this man. he has made his bed. by the sounds of things his new "relationship" will not last so when he comes back to you with his tail between his legs do not have him back.

he is a cheat.

you can do so much better than him.

good luck. and dont hesitate to post on here again for support. we are all your friends.

[abitbroken]

So this guy is now 45 years old, living with mommy and driving a car that his (now ex) girlfriend pays for??? I just did the math from the first post.

 

hi,

i feel so sorry for you. he really has taken liberties.

 

He has taken no liberty that he was not offered. That is the sad truth and hopefully the OP going forward has learned a lesson in discernment and will meet a worthy man next time --- but she also has to set boundaries to be able to attract that worthy man and weed out the bums.

 

I sincerely wish you the best. You can do it.

[Rustysuit]

Wish I had a GF like you.

 

What 23 year old supports a 39 year old man?

 

You're a *ng saint. Don't let him tell you otherwise. He should lick the floor you walk on.

[Jennifer weave]

All of these cheaters can go straight to hell. I'm sorry, but I'm sick of reading about losers like this... (my ex being one of them.) This is so sad, and at the same time, literally disgusts me. I'm so sorry. * hugs *

[JKH]

Hi everyone again,

 

Thank you all for your replies. It really does help to hear other people's opinions on this matter.

 

I was looking at the call logs in my phone plan, and judging from the dates when they started getting in touch it looks like, at the most, they were together a little under 2 months before they started living together and got engaged. And almost the entire time (except for the last 4 days) they were doing it behind my back.

 

I wonder who in their right mind gets engaged and moves in with someone they've only been with for a little over 1.5 months, especially considering it started from cheating! She must have no self-respect because I told her the whole story and she still decided to stay with him.

 

Even if they had both been single, that seems like a recipe for disaster. I guess they deserve each other. I really don't want it to last, not because I want him back but because they don't deserve to be happy together after all the pain and suffering they caused.

 

 

I think you're getting the better end of the deal, don't you?

 

You are right. I know I will most likely be in a better situation than he is. A friend who works for him told me that ever since he started dating this girl he's been tense and moody often, even getting into arguments with his co-workers. Judging from her FB page I can tell she's into drugs. He's not, but I'm afraid she may have already gotten him into them. In a way I feel sorry for him. I still (unfortunately) love him and care about him, and I feel sad knowing that his mind is not in peace.

 

I went to my first therapy session, which consisted mainly of me crying and telling the story to my therapist. It's still very hard to deal with the pain and I've been having to take crying breaks at work. But I have a feeling things will be much better soon. Considering how awful this situation is I think I'm doing good. I already got the car back and I'm getting ready to sell it.

 

Thank you again everyone and have a wonderful day.

[LaHermes]

You are doing fine J.

 

However, could I just urge you to PLEASE refrain from even looking at her FB page, or anything else belonging to her. Don't wonder about her/them at all, because in doing so you are giving your valuable time and even power to them. Try not to even think about them or even second-guess why they did this, that or the other. No longer your problem.

Your aim now should be to get your money back, and concentrate on yourself.

 

Mindfulness helps us get better at seeing the difference between what’s happening and the stories we tell ourselves about what’s happening - Sharon Salzberg, Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation

[hrb23]

Hi everyone,

 

I would really appreciate any advice on this situation. Sorry for the long post.

 

I met my ex-fiancé in 2011. I was 23 and he was 39, divorced, and with 3 children. We fell for each other hard right away. We had a beautiful relationship for the most part. We loved each other very much and for the first few years we were one of those couples people get jealous of, hugging and holding hands wherever we went.

 

When I met him he was working on a business degree and was broke. I used to help this man out with rent, groceries, gas, even child support payments. He was in school during the first 3 years of our relationship so I usually paid for everything. I bought him a brand new car that I’m still paying for, and I’ve been paying for our phones’ service.

 

He graduated in 2014 and we moved to another city right away so that he could go to culinary school. I supported us for the most part. We came back to our home town and we each moved in with our parents while we found a place to live. Two years passed and for reasons that included me going back to school to further my education and him struggling to find a well-paying job, we still had not gotten married or moved in together yet. Finally 5 months ago he was able to fulfill his dream of opening his own restaurant business and I couldn’t be happier. I thought we could soon start building a future together, with both of us being more financially stable.

 

Then three weeks ago he hired a new employee who’s the same age as me (28 ), the daughter of one of his friends. He’s known her since she was a child. He confessed to me that ever since she became an adult there had been a mutual attraction between them. She started working for him about 3 to 4 weeks ago, and even though I knew about her I hadn’t had the chance to meet her or introduce myself.

 

He broke up with me 4 days ago, claiming that he was “too stressed out” from work and needed to “push everyone away” for a little while. I was devastated. Yesterday I took him out to lunch, apologized for not being supportive enough, and asked him to give me another chance to make things right between us. He kept refusing and finally told me about this other woman.

 

He claims that the first time he slept with her was right after we broke up 4 nights ago (he went to her place afterwards), but I believe he’s lying. I even offered to forgive him if he broke up with her and came back to me. He refused. Deep down I wish he would come back to me, but I know I deserve much better. It’s just so hard to lose those strong feelings of love that I had for him overnight.

 

She claims she didn’t know he had a girlfriend/fiancé and personally apologized to me yesterday, but confessed that she does have feelings for him too. She told me that if I wanted him back she would back off, and that she wasn’t even sure if she wants him anymore. But it’s obvious he’s choosing her over me.

 

This was absolutely shocking and unexpected. I fully trusted him up until now. I didn’t think he was capable of cheating and I believe that, up until recently, he wasn’t. I blame myself because ever since he opened his business 5 months ago we became more and more distant. He’s been stressed out all the time. I blame myself for not being more involved in his life, for not helping and supporting him enough. I should have been there working with him instead of him hiring this woman. I have so much regret it’s killing me. When I asked him why he fell for her, he complained that I kept putting off marriage or moving in together, and he was impatient and wanted to settle and had lost his feelings for me. This makes me think that he probably wants to move in with this new girl.

 

I feel extremely betrayed and humiliated. He said he feels like he's making the worst mistake of his life by leaving me and that he may soon regret it. But if that was the case why would he do it?

 

I know the best thing I can do is forget about him and move on. But it kills me to think that he will probably continue his relationship with her and easily forget about me. I’m so afraid that he will be there happily enjoying his new relationship while I’m still in so much pain. I did so much for this man and we went through so much together. He was pretty much part of my family. It feels like I’m inside a horrible nightmare that I can’t wake up from. I asked him if he even cared about not seeing me ever again, and he said “not entirely”. This was so painful for me to hear.

 

I don’t know how to deal with all these feelings of pain, regret, and disbelief. Any advice will help.

Thank you.

 

Bad person, bad partner. Be thankful you dodged a bullet. You're lucky that you are only 28 and realizing you were with such a terrible person. This other girl will get to 33 and realize exactly what you did. Would you rather be free at 28 or 33? I'm sorry for all you had to deal with but focus on yourself now. Spend your money on you and spend your time on yourself and people that deserve it. Never contact this slimeball again.

[Annia]

Hi everyone again,

 

Thank you all for your replies. It really does help to hear other people's opinions on this matter.

 

I was looking at the call logs in my phone plan, and judging from the dates when they started getting in touch it looks like, at the most, they were together a little under 2 months before they started living together and got engaged. And almost the entire time (except for the last 4 days) they were doing it behind my back.

 

I wonder who in their right mind gets engaged and moves in with someone they've only been with for a little over 1.5 months, especially considering it started from cheating! She must have no self-respect because I told her the whole story and she still decided to stay with him.

 

Even if they had both been single, that seems like a recipe for disaster. I guess they deserve each other. I really don't want it to last, not because I want him back but because they don't deserve to be happy together after all the pain and suffering they caused.

 

 

 

You are right. I know I will most likely be in a better situation than he is. A friend who works for him told me that ever since he started dating this girl he's been tense and moody often, even getting into arguments with his co-workers. Judging from her FB page I can tell she's into drugs. He's not, but I'm afraid she may have already gotten him into them. In a way I feel sorry for him. I still (unfortunately) love him and care about him, and I feel sad knowing that his mind is not in peace.

 

I went to my first therapy session, which consisted mainly of me crying and telling the story to my therapist. It's still very hard to deal with the pain and I've been having to take crying breaks at work. But I have a feeling things will be much better soon. Considering how awful this situation is I think I'm doing good. I already got the car back and I'm getting ready to sell it.

 

Thank you again everyone and have a wonderful day.

 

Now an important step is eliminating all the ways of knowing how his life is... tell friends to not talk about how he's doing or his whereabouts, block his and her facebook page, don't look more into the phone logs. Detach yourself financially but also emotionally from him. I know it's hard but it'll be totally worth it. You have all the information you need about him, what he's done and the kind of person he is, you don't need to dig again. Cut your losses knowing that you're walking away from a selfish liar parasite.