took her for granted, now she is with someone else...want her back

[smoothNC]

Here's my story,

 

I'm in my early forties, she is in her early thirties, we are both married to other people with children but in failing marriages. We became involved about 2.5 years ago in an intense relationship where she always loved me more than I her and she knew it. The last 6 months have been difficult as she focused more of her attention at work and school and we didn't see each other as much as I would have liked. The last 3 months or so I have been sensing a change in her feelings for me and confirmed when she dumped me last month for another guy, someone she had been talking to. I was aware of him, but never thought he was a threat of any kind until now. I had taken her for granted for most of our relationship, she always chased me and has confessed she was madly in love with me for years. Recently she stated her feelings have changed that things between us had become boring/routine and she wanted to enjoy her summer. I have taken this break up much harder than I thought and I realized too late that I loved her more than I had thought, it was devastating. I was begging her to come back during this time and had a moment of weakness and despair. She was adamant about not coming back to me and intends to see her new relationship through. I don't know much about the new guy other than that he's my age, but he has showered her with attention and made her feel special. He seems to be a complete opposite of me. To me this seems like a GIGS/rebound type of relationship for her, so I don't know how successful it will be.

 

Through the advice of a friend I have initiated NC, now on day 6. She has called/texted me without fail every 4-5 days, which I have replied before NC to let her know that I wanted a second chance. Should I continue NC and if so for how long? Is she calling me out of pity? What are my chances in getting her back?

 

thanks

[Capricorn3]

* So, you're BOTH married.

* BOTH cheating on your spouses for over 2 years.

* She now dumped you and is messing around with yet another guy.

 

How about you try and work on your marriage instead of chasing after this other woman who is, once again, messing with someone else? At least go for marriage counselling and if that doesn't work, get a divorce so that you are free to do as you please.

[boltnrun]

She's a cheater yet you expected her to be loyal to you??

[SherrySher]

Does she still have her husband in the background!? What kind of woman is this?? Wow...get a divorce and don't keep cheating, both of you.

 

This one seriously boggles my mind. How can either of you "date" when you've got spouses? Get a divorce and be decent people!

 

I don't consider anything you had any kind of relationship if you're both still married. And if she's jumping from man to man with a husband at home, that's not a very nice woman at all.

 

No loyalty, no morals, no remorse, selfish. I could go on. It's just nasty.

[Capricorn3]

Does she still have her husband in the background!? What kind of woman is this?? Wow...get a divorce and don't keep cheating, both of you.

 

This one seriously boggles my mind. How can either of you "date" when you've got spouses? Get a divorce and be decent people!

 

I don't consider anything you had any kind of relationship if you're both still married. And if she's jumping from man to man with a husband at home, that's not a very nice woman at all.

 

No loyalty, no morals, no remorse, selfish. I could go on. It's just nasty.

 

And a fine example to their children.

[SherrySher]

No kidding. kids are not dumb. Hope no one has STDS otherwise, all of you are going to contract it.

[shessofly]

He showers her with attention.

He makes her feel special.

He's the total opposite of you. Maybe that's what's drawing her in.

 

This woman stays in a perpetual state of GIGS. Once the new guy falls short she will be on to the next one. Where do you see this going? You aren't even free to date. How do you get someone back who was never really yours? With spouses, kids, jobs and classes how on earth do you have time for affairs?

[smoothNC]

He showers her with attention.

He makes her feel special.

He's the total opposite of you. Maybe that's what's drawing her in.

 

This woman stays in a perpetual state of GIGS. Once the new guy falls short she will be on to the next one. Where do you see this going? You aren't even free to date. How do you get someone back who was never really yours? With spouses, kids, jobs and classes how on earth do you have time for affairs?

 

I realize this is an affair not a true relationship but that doesn't mean the feelings weren't real. My marriage has been dead and sexless for years and her husband perpetually cheats on her, so we found each other. Aside from all that we were ready to get divorce and be with each other but it didn't progress mainly on my end and she got tired of waiting.

 

I was hoping to get some feedback on whether I can get her to love me again. I have gone NC and she seems to want to talk every few days. I'm hoping she misses me but I'm also letting her know that I'm not gonna be plan b for her in case her current relationship does not pan out by going NC.

[thealchemist]

I realize this is an affair not a true relationship but that doesn't mean the feelings weren't real. My marriage has been dead and sexless for years and her husband perpetually cheats on her, so we found each other. Aside from all that we were ready to get divorce and be with each other but it didn't progress mainly on my end and she got tired of waiting.

 

I was hoping to get some feedback on whether I can get her to love me again. I have gone NC and she seems to want to talk every few days. I'm hoping she misses me but I'm also letting her know that I'm not gonna be plan b for her in case her current relationship does not pan out by going NC.

Well first things first. Relationships are hard to manage with a pesky marriage in the background. I would try to dig deep find some humanity and get a divorce from your wife. Then once you get your stuff straight after that you might have a shot at some form of relationship contentment.

[shessofly]

Well first things first. Relationships are hard to manage with a pesky marriage in the background. I would try to dig deep find some humanity and get a divorce from your wife. Then once you get your stuff straight after that you might have a shot at some form of relationship contentment.

 

Agree with this. Why are you dragging your feet with the divorce?

[Longview01]

What a lovely pair you are, I feel sorry for the kids here because neither of you seem to give a toss about them

[MissCanuck]

Meh, it wasn't going to last forever with here anyway, OP.

 

Unless and until you are both divorced, there's no real future here. She owes you nothing, and vice versa. You can't really complain about it when you're not available yourself.