I HATE my family, and am suicidal

[jmann45]

So i originate from india, my parents are the 1st generation here in america. I came here when i was about 1. I have 3 older sisters, (2 years, 4 years, and 6 year older). My parents have always given me what i wanted since i was a baby. They have also been EXTREMELY strict when it comes to going out, i am now 23 and i still have restictions in my household. Since i was in highschool, I noticed my depression coming over me due to my living rules.

 

Now people who dont live with their parents might say, "well you dont have to pay rent, get free food, and money from your parents when its necessary, and work your own job? you have it great!)

 

Well, the problems come in on how my parents treat me. about 8 years ago my sisters started crying to my parents on how they always side with me and give me whatever i want. Thats when things started to change (when i was in highschool).. I am now 23 years old.

 

Slowly my parents got more strict with me and started putting me down on how i never have received good grades all my life, ect... (I am a very slow learner).

 

I will fast forward, throughout my depression and me getting over it myself, to this year. After all these years passed of my parents accusing me of doing drugs, accusing me of having horrible friends, and constantly putting me down, I have gotten extreme anger issues. They dont keep my privacy anymore. small example-- (I received a medical surgery on my body that i didnt want anyone knowing about, they told my oldest sister, brother inlaw, and my 2 younger sisters who live with us in 1 household). They always side with my sisters no matter how wrong they are. And once they side with them and start arguing with me, the arguments lead to how im getting no where in life. and how im never going to be successful anyway..

 

Another thing -- my dad has owned his own business for 20+ years , he has ALWAYS advised me to take over. I wanted to be in law enforcement, they were completely against that. Then i wanted to be a psychologist, they were against that. I remember i also wanted to be a personal trainer and started taking classes for that, and they would always tell me how stupid and dumb it was to do that. They always told me to major in business, and take over my dads business. I spent 5 years in a community college jumping from 1 major to another, because of THEM. They would invite their friends over and have them explain to me how having your own business is a better idea and to take over my dads business.

 

Fast forward-- Ive been majoring in business admin, off to a university next semester to get my bachelors now. Congrats to me. I have been putting in 6+ hours at my dads business almost everyday for the past year, and have been very invested and excited to take over. he gives me about $500 - $1000 a month considering i also have my other job. What my dad pays me is about $5/hour. He goes home and sleeps. I dont mind the 5/hr because (i even told him) im doing it for the experience and practice for when i take over. i started talking to him about starting to pay me salary, or let me be a partner in his business so im more assured of my future, He declined, because he doesnt think im capable of doing so. This was about 3 months ago. I know how to do EVERYTHING that he does, and he said that i can continue to work there with him, but my name isnt going to be put under his business that he worked so hard for. I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE DAMN PLAN THE WHOLE TIME?!?!

 

recently within the past month, we have been getting into one argument after another, whether its about my sisters being more privileged, or them taking my sisters side on every little argument we have, or that i take money from the business almost every time i work there. (i write down the hours i worked and how much i took)..no matter how correct i am. ect.. I have gotten back into my depression, and vented to my mom about a week ago about all of this and started tearing up and almost crying. Told her to treat me equally with my sisters. Told her about my "job" and "future" issue with my dad, and she listened and said she'll see what she can do, but for now i can take a break from everything. these past few days i have been doing my own things, errands, and such, not working at my dads. I am just tired of everyone in my family knowing my secrets, knowing my business, when i trust my parents enough to keep it in between me and them, and they dont.

 

Yesterday i got into another little argument with my sister, and the argument lead to them telling me how useless i am, and so on. My mom especially sides with them. They then stated that theres no need for me at their business anymore and that i can move out and do whatever i want if im so tired of them.

 

I found a bottle of some prescription pills and was so close to taking all of them last night without telling anyone. I just feel like they used me for all these past 6 years cause i was only taking 3-5/hour or NOTHING for working at the business alone when they can go home and sleep. Im just lost as far as life goes right now. I even broke up with my 6 month long girlfriend because of my stressful situation. I just dont think its a good time to be dating right now. Ive lost all confidence with everything.

 

I feel my anger issues really coming back and my insecurities and my anti social alter ego all just coming back and im slowly being dragged back down to square 1 from when i overcame my depression all by myself. I dont feel like going out or talking to anyone. Been in the house in my room alone since this morning. No one in my family cared to talk to me from the argument last night. Dad hasnt called me either. I was just told i can move out now.

 

After 6 years of struggling to find my major and putting my full confidence and effort into HIS business, im being told that i can leave now.

[melancholy123]

Why have you not moved out? Your situation sounds terribly sad and unhealthy. You need to work on doing what you want to do for a career, not working for peanuts for your father. Can you afford to move out, with a friend, get a place together? You would benefit from counselling to sort out what you want to do with your life and make a plan to do it. If you truly feel suicidal you need to call the Suicide Hotline in your area and please dont take those presc. pills. Get yourself some help.

[Esglee]

Sweet heart. You are not wrong, crazy, stupid nor ignorant.

You need to get out from under your family members who are keeping you DOWN.

I feel that you do not have the strength to do this, because, you might say "This is my family. I can't just go". But, you have to. You will be happier, some guy is going to come along and make you his wife and make you happy. You will have a family of your own.

BTW This same thing happened to me, and I got away from all of my TOXIC family.

THIS IS YOUR LIFE that your parents GAVE TO YOU. So, go live it.