Does NC make the dumper feel less guilty about his/her decision to break up?

[cococly]

No-Contact right after a breakup is a good way for the dumpee to start the healing process.

 

However, the dumpees usually would still want to get back with the dumper.

 

I tried the NC with my previous ex, she just assumed that I had fully accepted her decision to dump me and went on to pursue her new boyfriend freely.

 

She felt that since I didn't bother her at all, I might have already healed and moved on, thus, she didn't have motives to reconsider her decision to breakup.

 

I know reconciliation based on guilt might not last, as the attractiveness between the partners wouldn't have increased, but rather it'd based on PITY-love.

 

I am asking this because I have just told my current EX to stop message me, she had constantly initiated contact with me on all sorts of non-relationship topics (Yes, she kept contacting me even when she is already in another relationship, and I am now on strict NC now. She dumped me for another guy, and now that I asked her not to contact me, I am not sure if I am pushing her further away?

[seanryder]

Who cares what she thinks? She dumped you!!

 

Absolutely push her away....the farther the better. Sounds like she wants to keep you as a backup. If that's how little you think of yourself, by all means stay in touch with her.....if not get away from her and NEVER look back.

 

Who ultimately cares what the Dumper is thinking.....as the Dumpee you're focus should be on healing and getting yourself ready for someone who deserves your love and can reciprocate it. Don't waste your time, energy or thoughts on someone who treated you this way.

[Clarisse]

Other than the initial sting of the break-up (no one likes to hurt someone they care about), I have never felt guilty as a Dumper and NC brought me great relief. Nothing you do is going to push your ex further away. She already left. The relationship is over. Time to focus on yourself and your own healing.

[j.man]

If you want to play games, just go play basketball. It's a lot more fun. Don't entertain that breaking up for attention BS.

[Knight2001]

hi,

i agree with everyone else. what do you care about how far you push her away?

she dumped you and moved on. it's time for you to move on too.

why not block her number?

dont look to the past, look to the future, to quote the great man himself " It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!"

so forget her and move on.

[BeenThereB4]

You've gotten a lot of good advice here. Please take it. Block her on everything.

[MissCanuck]

Going No Contact isn't going to change a dumper's feelings if they truly wanted out of the relationship. You therefore don't need to worry about NC facilitating a dumper moving on, because generally, they already cut that cord when they chose to end the relationship.

 

When I broke up with a long-term ex many years ago, he eventually stopped reaching out to me. I was relieved when he did so, because if he hadn't, I would have had to tell him to stop and that would have been awkward (This was before iphones and FB and blocking and the like) It had no effect on me moving on to a new relationship, though. That was going to happen regardless my ex's continued attempts at contact.

[Jennifer weave]

No-Contact right after a breakup is a good way for the dumpee to start the healing process.

 

However, the dumpees usually would still want to get back with the dumper.

 

I tried the NC with my previous ex, she just assumed that I had fully accepted her decision to dump me and went on to pursue her new boyfriend freely.

 

She felt that since I didn't bother her at all, I might have already healed and moved on, thus, she didn't have motives to reconsider her decision to breakup.

 

I know reconciliation based on guilt might not last, as the attractiveness between the partners wouldn't have increased, but rather it'd based on PITY-love.

 

I am asking this because I have just told my current EX to stop message me, she had constantly initiated contact with me on all sorts of non-relationship topics (Yes, she kept contacting me even when she is already in another relationship, and I am now on strict NC now. She dumped me for another guy, and now that I asked her not to contact me, I am not sure if I am pushing her further away?

 

The dumper is extremely happy with NC.... it's exactly what they want.... they're off the hook, and it brings them relief.... more time to focus on moving on.

[Tomthumb88]

This question is unanswerable since every person/situation is different. It all depends

[Ganamede]

Each break up situation boils down to the dumpers state of desire/attraction and to whom it be focused on. Desire is a powerful motivator... as desire for another rises, it falls for the one being left behind. Just like a see-saw. This is totally understandable.

 

Sorry to go a little off topic...

But what about the case when dumper is leaving just to be alone ... we'll that's a head scratcher to me... who knows what the motivation is there...

 

I mean people usually (not always) line up their new job before giving their notice at their old job. Nobody wants to quit a job just to stay home alone (how horrible must that job/life partner have been to merit that kind of treatment ???

 

any thoughts on this ???