My Boyfriend moved 300 miles to be with me but something isn't right

[OfMiceAndBunny]

So in december last year, my long distance relationship lost the 300 miles and he came to live with me. Through that time we've had a few confrontations down to him not being so faithful during periods of his depression due to his lack of job. I let it go at first because i understood how it felt to not feel connected to your own brain and i've done stupid things when i've been depressed. Everything has been fine for a few months but two weeks ago i found explicit messages from him to another girl on his snapchat and he happened to find this girl on a dating website so she was fairly local to us. Bear in mind what he's only been here since december and hasn't had much time to go make a lot of friends. I confronted him about it and he assured me that nothing happened, he tried to make a fool out of me by lying to my face. i let it go when he promised that nothing like this would come up again. fast forward a few weeks and here i am in his hometown of leicester, supposed to be on holiday and relaxing but instead i'm curled up in a corner of his bedroom feeling depressed and worth nothing... He wants to meet up with a woman who was a regular customer when he worked in leicester, she's 32-33, 13-14 years older than him. i met her the last time i was down here with him and it was clear that she has a thing for him and when i later went through their messages i found out that he constantly flirts with her and its really bugging me and it hurts. i don't want to see her again but i just know that he'd abandon me with his family that i barely know yet to go and go out for an afternoon with her and do god knows what. What do i do? i don't want to lose him because he is my world and has changed my life in more good ways than what he's done bad. But i can't help but feel that this woman is going to get in between us.

[nutbrownhare]

What are the good ways in which he's changed your life? Whatever, maintain these for yourself, without depending on him, and let this joker go. He's living with you, having moved a huge distance - and instead of putting his energy into finding friends and activities, he's contacting people on dating websites? And you're making excuses for him?

 

There are many people who suffer from depression when they're unemployed. This does not AT ALL mean that being unfaithful is an unavoidable consequence, and it sounds as though he's blaming his unacceptable behaviour on his depression. He's still being unfaithful, has no intention of changing and refuses to take any responsibility for his own actions.

 

It's not this woman who's going to get between you - it's going to be him, and his total lack of respect for either you or your relationship. Do not underestimate what a devastating effect this will have on your self esteem in the long term - get out, now, before it does!

[Fun Boater 1]

Nothing, I repeat, nothing you describe in this post is good. From your description of the situation it appears he has lost interest in you since moving 300 miles to be with you and you already detect that there is a big problem with his integrity and his faithfulness. You need to sit down with him and confront him and have a serious talk about where the relationship is, and more importantly, where it is going. Why are you so scared to lose him? If you can't trust him and continue to make excuses for his bad behavior, then I don't see much of a future with this guy. Again, you describe nothing positive about him or the current status of the relationship. Sort it out quickly before it explodes and you get burnt. Perhaps it's just a communication problem, but I see a huge "red flag" with his insistence upon meeting up with this other woman, and his use of "dating websites". And if he has yet to get a job since moving in with you he is sponging off you and is bored, which could be a reason for his wandering eye.

[Scoe141]

I've seen more red flags in your post then at a Man U soccer match.

 

I understand that he's changed you, but why on earth would you want to be with someone who isn't honest with you? Not only that, but it sounds like a repeated occurrence. At this point this relationship sounds like a fallacy.

 

You need to ask yourself, do you want to feel safe in a relationship? Unfortunately, I don't think you're going to be able to feel that way here.

 

Good luck.

[Esglee]

OMG. This man is playing you. Get rid of him. PERIOD. If you don't, your unhappiness is your fault. Not trying to be mean. But????

[ThatwasThen]

i don't want to lose him because he is my world

... and that is why he treats you like he does... he knows no matter what he does, you're going to find excuses to stay with him.

 

You are with a CAD. Don't expect him to change for you and I wouldn't be surprised if he has been playing the online dating scene the whole time he was wooing you long distance. He's primed you to be the girl that lets him get away with acting single. I hope you have enough self-respect to end this before he leaves you more devastated then you all ready are and a shell of your former self.

[Starlight925]

I don't think this just started happening when he moved.

 

I suspect this nonsense has been going on all along, but you were too far away to know any of it.

 

Give him a one-way ticket back home. Buh bye.