pochoko Posted July 10, 2017 Share Posted July 10, 2017 TD;LR I went out on the weekend with my SO and I got very drunk. I was initially happy but didn't judge the situation well in the pub and had people be rude. I reacted by exploding in anger; by far exceeding what would be considered an acceptable reaction. We live atm in a small rural town (I'm leaving in Sept) and despite trying hard with the people around here our age (20s-30s), I don't feel like I get much back...everyone's out for a good time, not genuine friendship; we don't often get invited to things (but apparently no one does, everyone just turns up)...everything centers around drugs, drinking and pulling, or sleeping with people you're probably not meant to (my married manager with a young baby constantly cheats on his wife for example, blatantly). I really struggle with the social politics of this town, but I can't accept that it's everyone else who has a problem rather than me. My SO says I'm like a happy puppy; at 22, he says when I'm both sober and drunk that I just want to be happy and have fun with everyone and think everyone is as energetic as I am. He says sometimes it's great because I make sure everyone is included and when everyone is in the mood, I'm the life and soul. He says, however, I don't read situations well and sometimes I can get too in people's faces and rub people the wrong way, because I'm loud, boisterous and opinionated. TBH I sound like a proper pain in the a**, but my intentions aren't bad; I get anxious around people, and I try to compensate. The person I exploded at was someone I really liked; he and I used to get on well. We'll call him P. His girlfriend, called D, doesn't like me because I wasn't interested romantically in her brother, who used to be a manager of mine, and I made it clear by starting a relationship with my boyfriend. Her brother was apparently peeved about this, but never said anything to my face, and neither did D. Both just were very cold; D used to tell me my clothes were rubbish, etc...P and I normally get on well; I wonder if it's because sometimes P can get a bit flirty when drunk, or I can, and without meaning to it might have hurt her feelings. Point being this night, P wasn't friendly. This was very out of character. I went to stand by him at the bar to order a drink and he told me to move because I was in the way, so I did and left him alone. He then went on to poke me and wave his hand in my face, asking me what my problem was. I asked him to stop, and then this carried on, and then I snapped. I'm genuinely upset with myself that I exploded; I shouted in his face and called him names. I can't tell if I really just don't get how things work, how do I alter my attitude, also? Or is this cross-section of society is truly bizarre and the people we're hanging out with (some have major issues, are usually in their twenties and thirties and don't have a lot of aspirations except getting hammered or high...others are nice, like P, who are settled down with kids and just move in similar circles)...it scared me how badly I lost my temper. I think it had just been building up for months and I didn't expect it; every time I go there I wonder who secretly hates me now, or realise the stuff I've seen to do with these people and it makes things awkward (I once, in my naivete, literally dragged a girl off my married-with-baby-friend, without realising he does this every weekend). I'm quite an anxious, introspective person so I just wanted an opinion...Do I need a reality check? Has anyone got advice for me to tone it down? Is everywhere like this or does this seem a bit extreme to you guys? When I go away to uni, I want to make the best impression, and I'm terrified I'm missing basic human interaction code 101. I have therapy; I don't ever really have angry outbursts like this one. I'm so embarrassed and upset. Link to comment
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