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Help need some advise fwb pregnant at 40


HopefulFather

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Hi,

 

A bit about me, I'm in my late 40s and have always wanted children. I tried with woman that already had a kid in my early 30s but it turns out she was a complete sex addict and while living with me lied about being pregnant 2x and when I finally gave her the boot (for cheating with 6+ men) I was devastated from the loss of the child I had helped to raise as my own for 4 years. The resulting depression cost me my carreer and love life was non-existant. I am embarrased to say now that I recieve goverment assistance just to make ends meet. I am not lazy and work very hard at finding work and delivering but the industry is just not what it used to be. I recovered from my depression and now I am starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to finance.

 

About 6 months ago an old ex that I dated started to call and want to see me again. As with the first go around, I have been clear to her that I would not commit to a long term relationship with her. I didn't say exactly why but a bit about her might make it clear for my reluctance. To start she is 40 years old and has had a rough life, homeless as a child, foster care then custody awarded to her father by the court later emancipated at 16 because of sexual misconduct (so she says). She was a crack addict and a former stripper. Currently she's living with her ex boyfriend. She's not financially stable and looks wise, is not really what the kind of woman I am crazy about. The first time around I did not want to be her boyfriend (she was crazy about me and I could see that she was trying) because everytime we would go out she just expected me to cover the bill. She would always drop not so subtle hints about going away on vacation together, and would relate stories of having men fawn over her with gifts and trips to exotic locations. I have always worked for everything I have no woman ever gave me sizable gifts... With that said I have been unwilling to commit to a relationship because she is not what I consider "marriage material" but more likely looking for someone else to foot the bill. I decided to hang out with her because she's the only girl that has shown the slightest interest in me in the last year and she can be very sweet when she wants to. It has been very difficult financially to make ends meet and going out and dating has not been affordable, I figured that when things improved I would start up dating again and if her behaviour changed and she got her own place I would consider a committed relationship with her dispite the obvious wreakage of her life, after all its not always about looks or your past but what you can create together that will determine how things turn out.

 

At this point I believe her when she says that I got her pregnant but she's not far enough along for a paternity test. After she told me that she was pregnant (I watched her do the test) she started talking about finishing a collage degree during pregnacy, I was like oh great "whos going to foot the bill on that?" Accident or not I wasn't wearing protection and niether was she, in that moment my choice was made. After the test she asked me what I wanted to do about it, I asked her to give me some time to think about it. I considered the options and told her that I did not want to have it and to set an appointment for an abortion, it was an ugly conversation after that but after a few days she set up an appointment for an abortion in a week or so but I am not sure if she will go through with it because of her age and the probability of her having a kid later is dwindling rapidly. Since then there's been no conversation that hasn't ended in a yelling or a hang up, the constant threat of blocking me and never want to see me again blah blah blah is ridiculous. I hate you is the common expression now from her. I have done my best not to anger her and say things like "your not good mother material" If there was a chance to fall in love with her and this all work out happily that is quickly turning sour for me. Hell I am not even sure that she would be able to carry the pregnancy to term anyway. I told her that I would never give up parental rights if she does give birth and it is my child. Friends with benefits also have their down side.... I am not in love with the woman I got pregnant... Can anyone relate or give a reasonable discourse?

 

Thanks in advance.

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Well, women can get pregnant until their period stops. I got pregnant naturally at 40 and 45.

 

That's awesome, I personally know several woman unable to conceive starting in their mid 30s. I know there are a whole host of things that could be responsible for infertility, 3 of my past girlfriends were unable to have children from various illnesses or incompatatble rh factors.

 

Were you in love when you got pregnant?

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That's awesome, I personally know several woman unable to conceive starting in their mid 30s. I know there are a whole host of things that could be responsible for infertility, 3 of my past girlfriends were unable to have children from various illnesses or incompatatble rh factors.

 

Were you in love when you got pregnant?

 

I would never get pregnant unless I was in love and married. So, yes. Those children after 40 however did not survive . They ended in miscarriage. The possibility of miscarriage goes up dramatically in the 40s . I was only able to have my one child at 30 and four miscarriages after .

 

Hopefully ,that doesn't happen for you . There are women that can have children past 40 . My grandmother had both my mother and my uncle when she was past 40 and that was over 70 years ago . They are just called a geriatric mother and need more attention and care while pregnant.

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