Ex sent a text after over a year. Is there etiquette on responding?

[WonderfulLife]

He sent an iMessage (of something that I'm sure reminded him of me). No words, just the image. We broke up almost two years ago, haven't talked in about 1.5 years. Are there guidelines for responding?

 

I'm not sure how I feel about him, but the fresh after breakup emotions have long since subsided.

[ParisPaulette]

There aren't rules of etiquette that will get you shunned from society if you do or don't them per se, but look at whether or not it's worth even responding. If the breakup was friendly and neither of you went through a bad time then if you're single and so is he, who knows. Walk away though if he isn't. If it was an ugly breakup or the relationship was toxic then there's zero reason to respond. And again, no one will hold that against you and if they do dump them out of your life, because exes are exes for a reason usually.

 

Personally, for me no ex has ever gotten in touch with me when things were going well in their life. And I found out the hard way being someone's back up comfort zone is not what you want in a relationship, so really you need to assess things.

 

An image only though, is not a serious communication. He's fishing and not sure of why or if he should contact you. It's very different than getting a sincere apology or a "Can we get together for coffee" type message from someone you don't hold any real animosity towards.

[Clio]

No need to respond if there are no words. Sending an image without words is very lazy and playing mindgames. For all you know he is bored with his life and is seeking some drama to distract himself. Why risk hurting/udoing your healing and being used? Stay no contact. If it's something really important rest assured that he will get back to you with a proper message.

[WonderfulLife]

Thank you both for your input, I really appreciate it.

[sara-pezzini]

I wouldn't respond to it, why risk all the old wounds opening up again if he only sends a picture?

I agree it's fishing from his part, see if he'd be welcome, see how you'd react.

If you want to you can respond of course cause i don't know your situation but i personally wouldn't

[WonderfulLife]

I wouldn't respond to it, why risk all the old wounds opening up again if he only sends a picture?

I agree it's fishing from his part, see if he'd be welcome, see how you'd react.

If you want to you can respond of course cause i don't know your situation but i personally wouldn't

 

He followed it up with a text of wanting to say hi, I've been following what you're doing with your life and I'm proud of you.

[SherrySher]

personally, for me no ex has ever gotten in touch with me when things were going well in their life. And I found out the hard way being someone's back up comfort zone is not what you want in a relationship, so really you need to assess things.

 

I totally agree with this!! He is looking for an ego boost or was rejected by another woman. Maybe he is even in a break up or just is looking for someone to make him feel wanted without the genuine feelings or anything worthwhile behind it.

 

I personally wouldn't bother replying. It's just not worth it and will most likely do nothing but confuse and upset you. If you're over it, and have gotten over him ages ago, then don't look back.

[Tomthumb88]

What do you want? Are you open to reconciliation or friendship?

Would you be ok with catching up and then not contacting each other?

If you are ok with any of those, text back and see how it goes. If not, just let it pass by

[WonderfulLife]

He followed up a few days later with some weird explanation for why things hadn't worked (even though I broke up with him), reasserted that he is proud of me, said he isn't trying to fix things but wanted to apologize.

 

I haven't responded because I'm not sure what response would be appropriate/I couldn't figure out his motivation (i.e. if he was seeking written forgiveness from me to alleviate his guilt).

[HeartGoesOn]

Unless you feel this is worth your time and effort, I would let sleeping dogs lie.

[ShatteredMan]

Normally, I would say let it go. However, I think the question is: Are you currently in a relationship? Where do you feel emotionally? Have you grown as a person and do you still feel attracted to him? There must have been some chemistry.

 

I would open the conversation with him but I would try to find out why he's reaching out (fresh out of another relationship, more than likely). At this point, you don't owe him anything and if there's no attraction, then part as friends and wish each other well.

 

If there seems to be growth and change, proceed slowly and carefully. If he's just trying to get you back for a quickie, you'll see the signs quickly. If you suspect that he's just back to fill the gap until he finds someone else, be on your guard and at the first sign that he's not being genuine, drop him like a bad habit.

 

On the other hand, if he demonstrates that he's grown, give him the benefit of the doubt. When you start to see signs of behaviors that led to the downfall of your previous relationship, let him know that you won't accept that this time around.