He can't even talk to me because his female friend doesn't approve...

[LolaMay4559]

Have you any of you had experience with a female friend of a guy constantly butting in? I have known this guy for about five years now, and every time he and I start to talk or hang out, she pops up and causes a negative distraction of some sort. She has known him a year or two longer than I have, but she has been in a relationship with someone else for the last several years. I have never been formally introduced to her, but kind of know her from seeing her around. She used to stare me down when I would see her out (my friends noticed it too), and even though he and I were not dating, she would tell him about every guy (some were friends, or other people just making conversation) she saw me talking to at a bar.

 

My gut tells me she is in love with him, and maybe they had a fling at some point before I met him. He deleted me on Facebook because "she is very dramatic, and he doesn't want to deal with it." He said she didn't approve of him talking to me. Keep in mind, she doesn't know me! A couple of years ago, she set him up with a mutual friend of theirs and he dumped her suddenly after a few months. This girl went around telling anyone who would listen that I was the reason he dumped the girl he was dating, and I just couldn't let him go. I never had anything to do with it! I wasn't even talking to him at that point. Prior to that, even though she had a boyfriend, she made her profile picture one of her and this guy around the time he and I really were spending time together. She already had a boyfriend then too!

 

I don't understand what her deal is. At this point, I've cut off all contact with him because I think the whole thing is childish and ridiculous. He still pops up in my life from time-to-time. This is the most bizarre set of circumstances I've encountered since maybe I was a teenager, and I'm tired of dealing with it.

[RainyCoast]

who cares what her deal is.

 

the deal is he made a choice of pleasing her and cutting you off without blinking, and that's all you need to know.

 

she is more important. keep out of touch.

[j.man]

Then I don't get why you still are dealing with it? Honestly, 9 times out of 10, people like him will use someone like his friend as an excuse to scale things back or cut things off with someone they're simply really not interested in talking to or hanging out with. At the end of the day, he decided it wasn't worth it to keep you as a FB friend or whatever. That's on him, not her.

[Batya33]

She is not the issue. He is.

[SoulTaker]

Have you any of you had experience with a female friend of a guy constantly butting in? I have known this guy for about five years now, and every time he and I start to talk or hang out, she pops up and causes a negative distraction of some sort. She has known him a year or two longer than I have, but she has been in a relationship with someone else for the last several years. I have never been formally introduced to her, but kind of know her from seeing her around. She used to stare me down when I would see her out (my friends noticed it too), and even though he and I were not dating, she would tell him about every guy (some were friends, or other people just making conversation) she saw me talking to at a bar.

 

My gut tells me she is in love with him, and maybe they had a fling at some point before I met him. He deleted me on Facebook because "she is very dramatic, and he doesn't want to deal with it." He said she didn't approve of him talking to me. Keep in mind, she doesn't know me! A couple of years ago, she set him up with a mutual friend of theirs and he dumped her suddenly after a few months. This girl went around telling anyone who would listen that I was the reason he dumped the girl he was dating, and I just couldn't let him go. I never had anything to do with it! I wasn't even talking to him at that point. Prior to that, even though she had a boyfriend, she made her profile picture one of her and this guy around the time he and I really were spending time together. She already had a boyfriend then too!

 

I don't understand what her deal is. At this point, I've cut off all contact with him because I think the whole thing is childish and ridiculous. He still pops up in my life from time-to-time. This is the most bizarre set of circumstances I've encountered since maybe I was a teenager, and I'm tired of dealing with it.

 

It could be either of two things:

 

• He could be be telling her things about you that are not flattering (one reason for you to dump him).
  
• He can easily be manipulated by others, which makes him an untrustworthy friend (another reason to dump him).
  

Either way, he is not a positive influence on you at this time, and not worth the stress he is imposing on you.

[ParisPaulette]

Does it really matter why when the facts are this - he lets his "friend" call the shots.

 

If I had to guess I'd say he's the one in love with her more so than she him, so while he might start to explore other women the minute she gets jealous he is more than happy to dump any woman out of his life to keep her happy. Hoping for that day when she finally chooses him.

 

Even if that's not the case what you describe are two people, not one, but two are in a very unhealthy toxic relationship with each other and willing to hurt others over it. There's no sanity there. In other words he's not as available to you or anyone as he might claim. And yes, if she is allowed to call his shots then she is simply more important to him than you. He made his choice, it wasn't you, right or wrong.

 

Never get involved with people who choose others over you, whatever their reason might be, it's just a losing proposition no matter what the person says to you. Walk away.

[LolaMay4559]

You're all correct. I'm done with him permanently. For some reason I just have had it on my mind today, and felt the need to talk about it. I forgot to add, he messaged me awhile back that there had been a misunderstanding, he needed more time, and I needed to be patient with him. Apparently I had made a joke about something in conversation with him, and she "misinterpreted it." I just remembered that, which fits in perfectly with the scenario he must have told her something negative about me. I think he's A.) had plenty of time and B.) already made his choice, which wasn't me. I can't have someone in my life who's going to cut me off and then try and come and go as they please. If there had been a misunderstanding, it should have just been handled, instead of all these high school games, which have drug on for years and nothing has changed.