Selfishness; Not something to be considered "a bad" thing.

[Zenson]

There's no such thing as a selfless act! Nor can there be, and that quantifiable fact is not a bad thing.., but a self-realization that we all should grasp and accept. And the sooner the majority of us do so, the quicker more of us can start really finding happiness, clarity, and true love.

 

Very bold statement.., fully loaded..., and sure most will not agree. But "most" do not have the time..., nor the time to take, to ponder about such things for any longer then a few minutes or so. I fortunately.., have trouble falling asleep due to such questions, and quantify them.

 

Humans, like most life, are selfish. Not because we "want" to be, but because we "have" to be. Every decision, thought, action, desire, and relationship we engage in.., is for our "own" personal benefit. This is due to the survival instinct built into our DNA, and therefore can not be ignored. Don't think so? Well ask yourself this, and be objectively honest with yourself. The friends you have, the people you've dated or married, the gifts you've bought, the favours you've done.., was any of that really for them.., really? You don't spend time with your friends because "they" need you to.., it's for you. You've never been in a relationship for "their" benefit.., it's for yours. And although you have bought and done things for people "they" would like.., it's not because of that. It's because it makes you feel good, to make them feel good. Which is perfectly fine. Do you really think you would continue doing any of those things if it caused you extreme pain and suffering..,? Hell No!

 

Now due to this fact of selfishness, we all need to take some serious time/thought and take a self-inventory. Cause how can we possibly know "what" we are looking for in people, if we don't even know "what" we need for ourselves? Furthermore, "why" do we want what we do in the first place? I think many of us would be surprised at the answers we get when we really break ourselves down. And then just maybe..., we could start approaching these relationships we pursue, with a better, healthier, and honest understanding, so that we can save ourselves from so much pain and suffering. Cause for once, we'd actually "know" just what the hell we are truly wanting.., and needing.., cause we'd know exactly "why" we do.

[seanryder]

I agree.

 

In a lot of cases you have to be 'selfish' working on yourself so that you can bring your best self to the relationship.

[Batya33]

i think it's a balance. Self-care is important, a certain amount of self-absorption too. Selfishness to an extreme is not a healthful way to react to others or interact with others in my opinion. I think it's too extreme to say that everything that is done is "selfish" - it depends on what the action/inaction is, what the context is. The other day a strange dog was chasing me while I was doing my daily power walk. I did not care about whether it was "nice" to yell to the owner "get your dog!!" and I did not care if my foot touched the dog to push him away. I wanted to do my power walk and I had a right to do it without being chased by a dog on a public street. However, I made sure my foot only touched the dog -not in any way that could possibly hurt and I did not curse or say anything inappropriate even though I was angry with the owner for letting her dog chase me on a public street and taking her sweet time to retrieve him. So I balanced my selfish desires against caring about the animal's well-being and not overreacting in an inappropriate way.

 

Same with many many other decisions. Just because doing something kind for someone else also makes you feel good doesn't make the act "selfish". Even altruism can involve the benefit of feeling good that you contributed to another person or your community, etc. So what?

[IAmFCA]

We invest our time where it provides return.

 

Learn to value the respect and kindness of others, and earn it.

 

Learn to value your own endeavors, and make your visions reality.

 

How we invest in others is part of how we invest in ourselves, it is part of the balance of mind/body/spirit.

[Krankor]

I had this realization years ago; that on some level every single decision we make is selfish. You can completely make your life about helping other people, volunteering, charity work, etc and you are still making that choice for your own reasons; because YOU want to help. Because YOU'D feel guilty not doing something. Because YOU don't want to see suffering.

 

Still, that's really not an excuse to be selfish in the way that word is traditionally understood; i.e. not really giving a damn about anyone else. That said, there are moments when it's OK to place your own needs as paramount, and there are times it's OK to ask "What's in it for me?"