jitterbug Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 I'm in the worst place of my life. And I've had a tough life. I know depression and grief and agony. But this is pure hell. I've got a chronic illness I was born with. It became life threatening 3 years ago, the same time I fell in love. He got me through it all. I've always been very strong, but I needed the strength he gave me and I survived and thrived because of him. I've battled for 3 years to stay stable. I've lost so much. I had to drop out of university, my parents divorced abruptly, I had to move home. I was constantly in and out of hospital. My mum started dating a guy my age and stop bothering to see me even when I was sick. 5 friends have died from my condition. I have been terrified of death every day. But because of my love, I could smile and be upbeat. I felt blessed. I wouldn't have given him up even for health. I'd experienced a healthy life for 20 years and it was great. But he made me feel transcendently wonderful. Even when I couldn't walk far and lost more independence. He was my light. He moved to be here with me & we were so in love. So happy. But now he's gone. Without warning, he decided to end it. He wants to be alone. He wants to figure out what he wants in life. It's over. It's been 2 months and I'm unbelievably ill and depressed. I'm in hospital again. Worse than ever. I'm terrified I won't recover. But half the time I don't want to. I haven't had the strength to kill myself so some days I think...at least I'll fade away. I can't handle the pain and loneliness and loss. He's my true love. It's killing me. I don't even know why I'm posting. I know nothing will help. But I'm desperate for help. I see psychologists. I can't take anti depressants as they nearly killed me once. Oh god. I can't do this. Link to comment
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