peanuttbutter Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 There is a long back story for me, but to keep it short and simple I'll start with that I have been with my man for 5 years now. Its been a rocky 5 years with him leaving me for other women 2 times. The first time we had just moved in together and he dumped me a few months in for a girl he met at work. That was right around our 3 year anniversary. She wasn't interested in him and it ended with us getting back together. The 2nd time was a few months after we got our first house and I moved out. He started seeing someone else a month later. I cut him out of my life but went back to his house to see my dog we ended up having sex that night. we don't usually have sex and If we do its an odd occurrence. The other other time we had sex was around the time when he left me for the first girl. Prior to that we had a pretty good sexually relationship, we lived about an hour apart while dating and when I saw him it was for days at a time. We usually had sex almost daily. What happened was it was all one sided, he got off every time and I maybe got off 2-3 times but mostly faked it. I came clean and was honest and it really hurt his ego. Its not that I didn't enjoy it, I just took a very long time to get there, and he would run out of energy trying. So we stopped. We have gone months even years with out being sexually active. I tried last night to get him in the mood, I don't get naked around him at all anymore but I did last night. he grabbed my breasts a lot like sneak attack grabs. later asking me to get him water then admittedly saying he wasn't really thirsty. When I laid my head on his chest and my boobs on his arm he said he didn't want to do anything further then cuddle. So I felt really rejected. With all the damage done to both sides I don't know if its even possible to fix this. I don't know how to make him interested in me sexually anymore. It used to be the sight of me of being sexy was enough to make him rip off my clothe. Maybe its just because its been so long, this is my first really long term relationship. Does the desire die off after a little bit once you move in with each other? I will add that I did catch him watching porn not too long ago. So I know that he still desires sex but it hurt a little that hes not at all affectionate or intimate with me. He doesn't even kiss me anymore and claims that hes not into skin on skin contact. I don't want to leave him, I want to try and make things go back to the way they used to be when he was really interested in me. So my question is, does any one have any tips to move forward from here? I want to add too that hes into domination type sex where he is in charge and I have to do what ever he says, any ideas that I could do with that? Maybe tie myself up for him to find and have his way with? Link to comment
Iggy5129 Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 Why are you staying with a guy that has left you for other women multiple times? He only comes back when it doesn't work out with them. Do you want to live your life as someone's second choice?? Who cares about getting him attracted again. He sounds like a jerk. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 Sounds like he's one of those that is addicted to new relationship energy and that's why he keeps leaving you for other women. Besides the fact that he knows you're going to take him back if he leaves for new (you know what) enables him to be who he is. Since you feel you love him even though he hurts you, makes you feel demeaned when he rejects you and won't even be intimate (not meaning sex) with you, maybe you two would do well to open up your union so that the two of you can get your sexual needs met? Could you handle something like that? It seems you could if you are able to rekindle things with him when he's left you for other women. The pain for you it seems is that he left... not that he had another woman. Link to comment
peanuttbutter Posted July 7, 2017 Author Share Posted July 7, 2017 Sounds like he's one of those that is addicted to new relationship energy and that's why he keeps leaving you for other women. Besides the fact that he knows you're going to take him back if he leaves for new (you know what) enables him to be who he is. Since you feel you love him even though he hurts you, makes you feel demeaned when he rejects you and won't even be intimate (not meaning sex) with you, maybe you two would do well to open up your union so that the two of you can get your sexual needs met? Could you handle something like that? It seems you could if you are able to rekindle things with him when he's left you for other women. The pain for you it seems is that he left... not that he had another woman. Thank you for responding, I have actually thought of...cheating on him as a way to meet my needs but I don't want to be that person you know. Honestly I don't think I'd be okay with him being with someone else like that, in the super jealous type. I was thinking of talking to him tonight and having a heart to heart Link to comment
peanuttbutter Posted July 7, 2017 Author Share Posted July 7, 2017 Why are you staying with a guy that has left you for other women multiple times? He only comes back when it doesn't work out with them. Do you want to live your life as someone's second choice?? Who cares about getting him attracted again. He sounds like a jerk. I get that asked a lot because ya, he does seem like the biggest ads hole right. Why I've stayed is really complicated. Think of it like we have 2 kids together and I don't want to break up the family. I left and moved back in with my family for a few months and cut him out of my life. I went back for my 2 reasons. He asked for me back the second time. And if it wasn't for those 2 reasons i wouldn't be with him or even have seen him again. Link to comment
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