Shes leaving me

[frogman12]

So yesterday we were celebrating the 4th of July, I'm admitting now that I have a bit of a drinking problem, not that I need it but when I do drink, I drink way too much and get to crazy, I'm gonna make this short and too the point. Me and my girlfriend of three years we're hanging out drinking with friends and family and having a good time, as usual I got way to drunk and when we were getting ready to leave I got mad at her for driving my truck over someone's table that was set up, I got out and went back to hangout with my friends because I was pissed off and she left to go home, right then I should have stopped but of course I kept drinking, went to a bar, got in a fight, and stayed the night at my friends house, now this might not seem like a big deal but my girlfriend does not approve of my friends and damn sure doesn't want me to stay the night, I should have just gone straight home but I didn't, she's now leaving me because of this, it's not the first time this has happened where i didn't come home or that I've had an issue with alcohol and I always say that I'm sorry and it won't happen again but it does, I just feel so ty about the whole thing and she won't even talk to me, she's moving all her stuff out right now and there's no changing her mind we have had a lot of problems throughout our entire relationship with trust and me drinking but we have an amazing son together who means everything to me, honestly our relationship has been going downhill lately and if she wasn't leaving me for what I did yesterday, it would end up happening for something else I just want some opinions on what I should do, I love her so much and I don't wand her to leave but I'm thinking that maybe it would be better for my son to not grow up seeing me and her arguing all the time. I feel like such an for saying that but I just wish me and her could see things the same way. I'm not a piece of , I have a good job, I work hard and support our son in every way and I love her but there's no changing her mind about this...

[DancingFool]

She is not leaving you for what you did yesterday, she is leaving you because you have a problem with alcohol and have done NOTHING about it over the years. She is also right to leave you and to remove the child from such a situation where daddy is getting wasted, getting into fights, not coming home at night, etc, etc, etc.

 

If you genuinely want to salvage your family, then starting today never touch another drop of alcohol and join AA. Like right now and stick to it and understand that it will take time for her to actually believe that you are serious and sticking to it and won't revert as soon as she is back.

 

She is leaving you because she can't take your sh$t anymore and she has been trying for a long long long time to fix things with you. She has reached her limit and given up all hope. So if you want to hang on, you will need to show with your actions over time that you really have cleaned up your act for good. Frankly, sounds like you need to do this for yourself too, not just for her and your child.

[frogman12]

She is not leaving you for what you did yesterday, she is leaving you because you have a problem with alcohol and have done NOTHING about it over the years. She is also right to leave you and to remove the child from such a situation where daddy is getting wasted, getting into fights, not coming home at night, etc, etc, etc.

 

If you genuinely want to salvage your family, then starting today never touch another drop of alcohol and join AA. Like right now and stick to it and understand that it will take time for her to actually believe that you are serious and sticking to it and won't revert as soon as she is back.

 

She is leaving you because she can't take your sh$t anymore and she has been trying for a long long long time to fix things with you. She has reached her limit and given up all hope. So if you want to hang on, you will need to show with your actions over time that you really have cleaned up your act for good. Frankly, sounds like you need to do this for yourself too, not just for her and your child.

 

 

 

Your absolutely right I have got to stop with the drinking and I appreciate the honesty, but when it comes to our relationship, it's not just the drinking, it's everything. She will get upset with me if I don't want to go to the store with her. I bend over backwards for her and it's never enough , I feel like I can't do anything right by her. I don't hang out with any of my friends anymore because we always are with her family and friends. Not that I have much time to anyways being a father. But when I do want to go do something that I enjoy, she complains about it and says we don't spend enough time together but we do! We are always going out to dinner and go everywhere together, I don't mind when she wants to go do something on her own and I encourage her to. Anyways I'm just rambling now, I just don't think I can be the person she wants me to be.

[ParisPaulette]

You have a drinking problem. You just aren't at rock bottom yet when most people can no longer fool themselves that they don't.

 

But consider these two things - you know you get angry and start fights i.e. you escalate to aggression and violence when you drink AND you have a loved one walking out the door, because of it and your behaviors when you drink.

 

Those two things alone are more than enough of a red flag you have a problem with alcohol. That you are still able to function normally most of the time is not an indicator you don't have a problem, it just means you haven't hit rock bottom yet. But you did just go from having a job and a loving partner with a child to "I still have a job, but am losing my loving partner and will now only be able to see my child on court-ordered visits."

 

This means things are getting worse and you need to get some counseling, before that job goes away too. Because it is coming. All addictions and substance abuse problems are a worsening problem until someone seeks help and finds out what the underlying behavior behind it all is, because right now you should consider yourself fortunate you are not sitting in jail. Barroom fights can end in jail or worse, if someone gets killed during an alcohol-fueled rage and no you were not in control or you would not have gone out risking something that everyone pretty much knows can turn from bad to life destroying in the blink of an eye.

 

She's leaving you, because this has been going on. The 4th of July incident was just the straw that broke the camel's back. You need to take a good hard look at your life and admit you have a serious problem with alcohol and it's going to keep extracting parts of your life until nothing is left if you don't get help soon. And understand it takes time to do so, there are no quick fixes for what you're in.

 

P.S. I just saw your reply post to another poster. You have two separate issues - the drinking is one thing. Her control is another separate issue and yeah, that can make it hard as well. But does she try to control who you hang out with in general, even if you don't drink, or do you always drink with those friends and they bully you or egg you on if you don't drink or in some way influence your behavior? I ask, because my father was an alcoholic and my mother used to seemingly try to control him and who he saw. It's just yeah, he always drank with his friends, they always egged him to do so and did little things like putting beers in front of him "accidentally" if he said he wasn't going to drink, belittled him a joking manner, and so on. After he got sober and clean he left that group of friends and made new ones that encouraged him to stay sober and on track. And my mother was not upset when he spent time with that group of friends, because she knew she would not be dealing with the fall out.

 

I add this last part, because one thing about addictions or substance abuse issues is it not enough to simply stop. You have to change the lifestyle issues that are contributing to the problem as well or it's all for nothing. This is why addicts can go to prison, be clean for years, then back at it in under a week of leaving prison. So just make sure you really are being fully honest with yourself as to whether she really is just controlling everything you do or if it's that she sees you become a problem with people who enable your issues with alcohol.

[DancingFool]

Your absolutely right I have got to stop with the drinking and I appreciate the honesty, but when it comes to our relationship, it's not just the drinking, it's everything. She will get upset with me if I don't want to go to the store with her. I bend over backwards for her and it's never enough , I feel like I can't do anything right by her. I don't hang out with any of my friends anymore because we always are with her family and friends. Not that I have much time to anyways being a father. But when I do want to go do something that I enjoy, she complains about it and says we don't spend enough time together but we do! We are always going out to dinner and go everywhere together, I don't mind when she wants to go do something on her own and I encourage her to. Anyways I'm just rambling now, I just don't think I can be the person she wants me to be.

 

What you are doing is called deflection. Boohoo I just can't be what she wants, I quit. The only thing you need to be quitting the the booze - do it for you, do it for your son, do it for your relationship. Once you clean that up, then you can revisit your relationship and see if things might actually become different in that she doesn't feel like she needs to be constantly babysitting you lest you get wasted and into some brawl again, which is very likely what she is doing when she is always demanding you be with her.

[boltnrun]

Your absolutely right I have got to stop with the drinking and I appreciate the honesty, but when it comes to our relationship, it's not just the drinking, it's everything. She will get upset with me if I don't want to go to the store with her. I bend over backwards for her and it's never enough , I feel like I can't do anything right by her. I don't hang out with any of my friends anymore because we always are with her family and friends. Not that I have much time to anyways being a father. But when I do want to go do something that I enjoy, she complains about it and says we don't spend enough time together but we do! We are always going out to dinner and go everywhere together, I don't mind when she wants to go do something on her own and I encourage her to. Anyways I'm just rambling now, I just don't think I can be the person she wants me to be.

 

The solution to all that is not to get stinking drunk and act horribly. How would that make her love you more?

 

Maybe she wants to go everywhere together because she needs to keep an eye on you when you get stinking drunk.

 

Seek treatment, today. If not for yourself, for your child. Do you want your child to grow up to be just like Daddy is right now??

[Tomara]

I echo everyone else responding. When you are an alcoholic you start losing things. It's the progression of the disease. Check yourself into rehabilitation or other things in your life will leave too! Can you live with yourself if you can only see your child under the watchful eye? That should be your rock bottom.

[carmelia26]

Sounds like maybe you should focus on your drinking issue and once you get that under control then you should analyze if shes really what's best for you relationship wise. I'm sure once you stop drinking you'll be someone you never even met before and it will change everything, including how you view your relationships.