He accused me of cheating, but I think I want him back

[BillieMae]

Hello, I'm an 18 year old female and my boyfriend of a few months recently broke up with me after a night out with him and our friends.

The story is long enough but ill try and get the main points in.

 

Both of us were in attendance at our friends 18th party and when he collected me, he was acting as normal, he complimented me when he saw my outfit and chatted as we usually would so nothing was wrong at this time.

We arrived at the party and the drinks started pooling in (I'll refer to my ex as J) and J wasn't going to refuse free drink, neither was I if I'm being honest. The difference was, he took a lot more, 12 or 13 shots, cocktails of rum, gin and many others. I was slightly annoyed but I wasn't going to mention it as I didn't wanna ruin the night. I believe you should drink to have fun but he was downing them to the point where he could barely talk. So that's exactly what he did- didn't talk. Keeping in mind, I had drink in me too and I don't put full blame on him but I thought he was ignoring me for no reason. I got upset and decided, "screw this, I'm not gonna sit here and be ignored for no reason!" So I didn't, I went and talked to everyone at the party, boys and girls alike. There was no harm in it or so I thought. I had sat down on the sofa and began talking to another boy who I thought was very nice and funny, but that was it! I wasn't necessarily attracted to him but even if I was, that shouldn't matter, should it? There was no bad intentions behind our conversation, it was just friendly!

Then, our friend started laughing and I asked what's so funny? She said that the boy was "Trying it with me and J is furious" I laughed myself before looking over at J, and right enough, he looked very angry but I couldn't understand why, I was only talking to someone. It wasn't even flirty, not that I could see. It definitely wasn't intentional anyway.

 

We decided to go to the local club to dance and J was okay with me again, we danced, kissed and had fun! I was happy that he was happy! But once more, he ignored me. I didn't know what I had done, I hadn't talked to anyone but him since going to the club and I was really confused and hurt. I thought, "right, whatever, I'm going to get a drink." And off I went. As per usual in clubs, drunken men blocked my path, asking for kisses and I only kindly responded with a, "no thank you." Eventually I got back to J, but he was back in his lovey mood and I was sick of his mood swings as this had happened a lot that night. So essentially I got in a mood but eventually I felt bad so I gave in and acted normal again. *rolls eyes* As soon as I did, he returned to his moody nature, not looking at me or speaking to me. I got a taxi home and he half assed kissed me goodbye.

 

I was annoyed but decided to put it behind me as he had drank a lot and will be different in the morning. Boy was I wrong.

 

I texted him a good morning message asking him how he was, with our usual x's. He responded back, okay, with no x's. All I could think to myself was, "what have I done now." Despite only being together a few months, he frequently got annoyed at me for small things and you knew this when his messages lacked x's. I asked what was wrong and he said just last night. I replied with, "what about last night." And he said, " just all them fellas"

I was very annoyed at this point. I could understand where he was coming from as many men had come up to me that night and I tried to get away as politely as I could but as I've only started going out to clubs, I wasn't aware the appropriate response to drunken men grabbing you was to tell them where to go. I tried to be calm as I know I would've been annoyed too so I just asked what he meant.

 

We spoke for a while and he proceeded to tell me that his female friend had told him that night that she had seen me "go with some boy" and that I cheated. Words cannot express how shocked and hurt and confused I was. I quickly denied this accusation and he told me, "we'd speak later." I was angry, I wanted to speak now but I honestly didn't want to annoy him further. So I texted our mutual friend M. Bad idea. I realise I shouldn't have told our problems to her as they were personal but he wouldn't speak and Ive never been in this situation before and I needed help. I told her what the friend had said and she immediately told me that she knows I didn't do it. That I'm not that kind of person. Which I'm not, I despise the act altogether. I was so relieved someone believed me. So she texted the girl, S, and asked, "did you say this?" And she said she didn't!? Again, I was seriously confused and angry. Why would J lie? And S had no reason to either? Nevertheless, I told J that she said that and he asked her again and she, once more, said she never said it. This led him to believe me, and ultimately led to my huge sigh of relief. At the time, I was so happy that he believed me, I never even thought to be angry at the fact he didn't believe me in the first place. I was his girlfriend? Is it not a given if he actually trusted me, which he claimed to do..

 

Anyway, for a few days everything was normal-ish again. He always texted first as i wasn't yet comfortable with the thought of pestering him with messages. Probably should have, if I'm honest as he only got annoyed that I didn't.

 

Note: I think J is ultimately a jealous guy, not just of other strangers but of my friends. I mostly have boys in my inner circle of friends, and we've all been great friends for about 7 years. Especially with one boy, A. He was my best friend and I adored him, but if I'm honest, it was more in a brother-sister way. He would tease me, I would get annoyed and we'd have a laugh. This is the way it always has been and still is, way before J came into the picture. I understand that some men get jealous of that but to me, he was family and that was it. The only thing that let's me know that he was jealous of my friends is that he told me, and it was specifically A. I told him not to be worried and he seemed happy about it.

After we broke up, he deleted me on social media after seeing a picture of A on my story. Is this jealously? Never mind A, he also got annoyed at my closeness with another infamously gay man at our school, something I could never understand.

 

On with the story, he eventually started acting distant and like a , basically. I had it in my mind to dump him, but I didn't have the heart. I thought It would get better but before it could, he broke up with me. I feel like maybe he still doubted my loyalty to him. I was relieved at the beginning because all i could remember was his actions in the last few days but lately, all I can think of was before that 18th. He was a completely different person. He offered to go clothes shopping with me, bought me dinners, had me over to his house almost everyday and seemed genuinely down when I had to go, just like all relationships at the start. I understand the really romantic phase doesn't last forever but it doesn't drop over night and if he just wasn't in to me anymore, I think it would be more gradual. As in, I don't think it would happen overnight like this kind of did, it builds up gradually. This is why I'm convinced that it must've been that night out where he thought I cheated? I'm so confused.

 

I'm attending our friends, M's 18th, this weekend where we will both be in attendance. Ultimately, I wanna look great and show him what he's missing. And if this works, and he wants to get back together, I don't know what I should do because I do still like him. But I don't know if I should.

 

Note: I am aware I'm only 18 and there's "plenty more fish in the sea" and he's not "Mr right". I know that, but I feel like I want him to be Mr right now. I wanna enjoy the moment, and when we were normal, it was great! And I want that back, if possible. Any advice on what to do or why you think he left me would be greatly appreciated. I'm so in the dark here and I'd like some support on what to do this weekend.

Thank you so much

Xxx

Billie Mae

[Anahera1]

I would say stick to plan dress to kill and let me know how it goes maybe dont drink or at least drink water in between.

Good luck for the party😊

[Knight2001]

hi.

J sounds like a moody contol freak. forget him and move on. you're only 18 you dont need this sort of behaviour.

good luck

[BillieMae]

Hi thanks for the response! I continued with the plan and it didn't disappoint! Well, not entirely! I gained all the wrong attention and by that, I mean from all the wrong guys. Don't get me wrong, he looked at me a lot.. but I gained attention from his best friend... Some friend huh? We talked all night, I didn't mind as we were friends but he seemed a bit too flirty.. and this seemed to make J even more angry and jealous. Understandable. This fact he's got seriously jealous so early on in the relationship and he's still getting jealous when we are not together gives me my answer. I don't think I can handle his jealous tendencies...maybe this is a lucky escape?

[BillieMae]

hi.

J sounds like a moody contol freak. forget him and move on. you're only 18 you dont need this sort of behaviour.

good luck

 

Hello! Thanks for responding.. I guess I am starting to see the light and I do agree with you. I suppose I was just blinded with 'love' for him. It's just, after the party, I seem to see him everywhere I go and we don't even live in the same town!! It's making it that little harder but I understand that he's not worth it. Thanks for the advice, I've been hearing it from my mother for weeks but for some reason, it's only sinking in when a stranger tells me it!