My depression seems to have ruined my relationship

[Kate221]

Hi everyone,

 

Last year I was severely depressed due to various different issues. It took a while for me to get back on my feet and start to live my life again.

 

Just before the beginning of this year I met a new partner and we got along great, enjoyed some really nice times together.

 

About a month or so ago I felt as though my depression was returning. I confided in a few family members and friends but decided not to burden him, especially so soon into a new relationship. Anyway, I ended up getting really low again and eventually I told him about my past. Due to my low mood and suffering from anxiety attacks we had been arguing more frequently. These arguments were about small things and were always over fairly quickly.

 

Once I had told him about my past he seemed supportive but then a few days later he decided to end our relationship. He claimed that we had been arguing too much and although he enjoyed the times we had together he felt the arguments overshadowed these. We had a holiday booked and this has come quit out of the blue to me. Yes we did argue a bit more frequently lately but I had explained that this was due to the other issues I had going on.

 

He keeps talking to me about needing space and not being able to see how our relationship can be the same again?

 

I feel as though I've 'scared him off' by finally being honest about my depression. Its an awful feeling to know that this has been the cause of my relationship ending. I've ended up becoming even more depressed which was something I was trying to avoid.

 

Have I done the wrong thing by being honest? Is there anything I can do to save this relationship?

 

Any (kind) advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

Kate

[Wolfshook]

" I feel as though I've 'scared him off' by finally being honest about my depression." Umm,no, you didnt screw up by being honest.

 

"Yes we did argue a bit more frequently lately but I had explained that this was due to the other issues I had going on. " this part here is where things went wrong.

 

Would you be with somebody that constantly fights you?

[rosephase]

A lot of arguments is a very valid reason to leave a new relationship.

 

I have been partnered for 12 years with a person who is depressive. He isn't always depressed but we both now it is something we will keep facing. If you actually scared this guy off then he wasn't even close to the right person for you. Although it might be worth while to check in why you get angry and fight when you are feeling depressed. Because I can love my partner through his struggle... but I couldn't do it if it kept bringing up fights between us.

[MissCanuck]

Are you seeking treatment for your depression?

 

A new relationship that is already tainted with frequent arguing - whatever the reason - doesn't appear to have a bright future. Many people would not stick around to endure more chaos. It is good that you were honest with him, but it doesn't change the fact that there were too many arguments and he evidently wasn't really enjoying the relationship anymore.

 

Be sure that you are taking care of yourself now, as without adequate care, dating won't really be a good idea at the moment. As for whether or not this is salvageable, it's hard to say. His overall impression is negative, so I would think that for any chance in the future, you need to be taking concrete steps to address your depression and anxiety. Also, what types of things were you arguing about?