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Broken up for 8 months and still more in love than ever :( Help pls


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Dear All, please help me! My ex and I were together for a year of which we lived together for about 8 of them. We were genuinely happy and loved experiencing everything together, had a lot in common, and were best friends above all else. However, most of all we were very supportive of each other since we were both going through some very difficult times. We both lived away from our home countries, and I was new here and facing lots of challenges, rejections, financial issues people taking advantage of me. He on the other hand also had some financial issues and was going through a horrible divorce at the time , and his ex was making his life miserable. We were there for each other, but we also knew how to have fun, and were compatible in every way possible. I remember throughout this year, we didn't fight once, but maybe had a couple of disagreements that we always used to talk out reasonably.

 

Fast forward a year later he sits with me and says that he is feelings very guilty because he is cannot promise me a future where we can get married soon and is afraid that he wouldn't be able to marry me and didn't wanna waste my time. He said that he was going through a really tough time with the divorce and his crazy ex-wife was making it way more difficult, insulting him all the time, making scenes at his place of work, refusing for him to see his two kids and much more. He said that he didn't wanna drag me into this mess. To be honest, he sounded very genuine, we broke up over the course of 4 days, we talked extensively, trying to find solutions, he cried many times, I cried, he begged for us to stay in each others' lives, I refused and told him it would be so hard for if I needed to move on. The goodbye was brutal needless to stay, and I could feel he was even more devastated than I was.

 

He respected my decision and didn't contact me for a while. I did everything I could to try and get over him, from staying away from him, to casually dating other guys, I even had a thing with a guy who was crazy about me for a few months but that didn't work out. I just couldn't get him off of my mind. I tried having more friends, going out on trips, exercising, you name it. But nothing.

 

Two months after our breakup, last January, he tried contacting me through calling and WhatsApp but I didn't respond. I was emotional and felt like probably nothing has changed and it would only cause me us more pain if we talked again. Two months after his initial contact, in March, I contacted him. Honestly, I wanted him back, by that time I came to the conclusion that he was the one for me. I bought one of those "get your ex back| program where the coach mapped out a specific plan that I had to stick to. No contact rule for 30 days, testing, calling, then meeting in person. Of course the first part of the plan was already done, we haven't been in contact for 4 months. So it was time for texting, as the book said at least 2 weeks before we move on to calling.

 

He responded, we chatted on WhatsApp for like 30 mins, then he called me. I didn't pick up (since the book said we shouldn't talk on phone yet). I told him my phone was broken and we continued chatting on WhatsApp for like 3 hours and it turns out that he is spending half his time in a neighboring country now for work. By the end, he confessed how much he missed me and wanted to see me. He said he would be in the country in two days and wanted to see me then. He said he wanted to hug me and kiss me so bad. I was happy but I wanted to follow the rules of the book which stated that we couldnt meet in person before at least a couple of weeks. I didn't give him an answer and that day I switched my phone off (stupid I know). He called me dozens of times, reached me through texts, whatsapp, facebook and even emails. He said that he was sitting in his car not knowing where to go and just wanted to hear from me.When I switched my phone back on, I apologized and said it suddenly stopped working and I had just fixed it. I know it is so stupid and immature. Needless to say, he was pretty upset. Next day, he asked me out again, and I told him I had a very important job interview and couldn't. He offered to give me a ride but I still said no. A couple of hours later, I sent him a lond text saying that I just wanna concentrate on job jhunting at the moment. that I was happy to be talking to him again, but that we couldn't meet at the time. I believe he got angry, but he responded nicely and the gist of it was that he wishes the best for me. I tried texting later, but he didn't respond.

 

I didn't do anything later cause I figured he was being unreasonable, but now I know he was right. He literally begged me to see him and I kept giving him all these lame excuses which turned out to be lies at the end, when I told him all those things about needing to focus on finding work. That was last March, and I honestly thought he has had it and wouldn't contact me again. About 3 weeks ago, he sent me a text on WhatsApp, and that made me so happy. When I later responded, he said he sent it by mistake and it was meant for someone else. However we kept on talking, and he later called me that night and we talked like 3 hours. It felt great hearing his voice again after nearly 8 months, and I could tell he was happy talking to me too. We caught up on life, he said his work was going really great, while I got fired and was in a bad place. He offered to help me find work, and was very concerned. We definitely did not discuss anything serious or related to our relationship but the call was great. Two days later he called me and said that he wanted to see me that day, it was 2 pm but I told him that it was already too late and I need time to get ready. He said to me to take all the time that I need and that we could meet at 9 or 10 in the evening. I asked him why he didn't tell me the day before, He said he was travelling next day for work and didn't know when he would come back and that he just found out about this in the morning. He tried really hard with me but I still said no. I was really missing him and really wanted to see him but I was afraid it was too soon since we just started talking again. He got really angry, and said that this was the third time for me to do this, and blocked me on Whatsapp.

 

That was about 3 weeks ago and I am still blocked. I feel so guilty and stupid for what I have done. He thought I didnt wanna see him and that I didn't care, but the truth is I cared so much that I was afraid to wreck it by meeting so soon and unprepared. I feel like he hates me now and will never contact me again. It's been 8 months now and I still love him more than ever. I am 28 years old and have only been in love once (With Him). I am scared I wouldn't find this type of love again, and I believe that what we had was very special. I've never been a head-over-the-clouds kindda person, but I do know I don't wanna waste something so precious. I obviously don't wanna be with him again because I just miss him, but because I had a very long time to think about this rationally, and I still believe he is the one. And I believe he also still has feelings for me or he wouldn't be contacting me still. Or am I wrong? I need some insight about what I just described and any advice about how to contact him again and what to say. Any comments would be appreciated. I am having a really hard time here and I have no friends or family to support me. In 28 years, I have never been as happy as when I was with him, he improved my life and made me a better person, and I know he really cares about me

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I think you are getting way ahead of yourself, assuming you've lost your one shot at real love.

 

He was the one who broke up with you. He cited his messy divorce and ex-wife as reasons why he doesn't know if he could ever commit to you permanently. What's to say that any of that has changed? He might still be in the exact same mess he was months ago. Is that something you would be willing to return to?

 

However, I agree all the games on your part were utterly ridiculous. Wanting to reconnect slowly makes sense, but if you wanted to reconnect at all, you went about it all wrong. These silly "guide books" to getting your ex back are generally a money grab filled with random "rules" to make you believe you're buying something of value. Clearly, the strategy didn't work. People eventually lose their patience, and their interest along with it.

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