Need some advice on what to do

[JamesC76]

So 7 weeks ago me and my girlfriend broke up over a fight we had at a party. There were some fights before that that led up to this huge fight. She ended up finding out that I lied and looked at my ex's Facebook. After she found that out she decided to tell me that she got a guy she used to hook up withs number at a bar a couple weeks before that. She downplayed her lie and I ended up having to apologize for my lie like 50 times and she still didn't forgive me. Everything seemed pretty ok after that week though. Then a few weeks later we get into a big fight at my friend's party where we were both drunk and she felt disrespected and embarrassed in front of my friends even though I think we were both equally wrong. (One of the people at the party instigated the fight)

 

A week later she breaks up with me. She immediately starts adding a ton of guys on social media and going out posting pictures with guys (although I think most of them are old friends) I make all the mistakes of begging and pleading and calling. After a few days of that I stop. She ends up calling me drunk about 5 days later. Telling me she misses me and loves me and all that. Then the next day we get into a fight and she tells me she didn't mean anything she said. I ended up begging again and asking her to meet up. After a few hours of asking she agrees. It went pretty awful though even though I ended up sleeping at her house. (She lives like 2 hours away) after that it's right back to fighting and begging and her telling me to leave her alone and never talk to her again. So I go no contact again. A week later she calls me drunk telling me she feel broken. I tell her she needs to stop calling me drunk if she can't talk about this sober and she hangs up. I don't message her after that. A week and a half later she messaged me to tell me to tell my mom happy birthday. I ignore it. The next day she messages me again to ask me if I'm coming to the concert I got her tickets for for her birthday that's in 5 days. I tell her I don't think it's a good idea and we fight again. She tells me she's going with her best friend. Then the day before the concert she asks me to go again. I tell her I don't think it's a good idea again and she just says please just come. So after a little bit of talking I agree to go.

 

Day of the concert she is pretty mean to me still. Eventually I show up at the concert and we have a good time together without arguing. We decide we're not gonna go out after and I'm just gonna go home. She says ok well I'll see you later and I say alright bye and start to walk away. She gets pissed that I didn't hug her or anything and storms off and then texts me 2 seconds later to tell me she's mad. I look around the corner and she's just standing there. I go to give her a hug but she just walks away from me. I follow her and we talk (mostly fight) I eventually say it I'm going to the bar. She gets pissed but ends up coming along even though I told her she didn't have to. After the bar she asks me if I want to sleep over but makes a huge deal about me having to sleep on the couch. After fighting about it I agree to go back with her and sleep on the couch. Get to her place and I get on the couch and then she gets mad at me telling me to just get in her bed that she's not going to let me sleep on the couch. I'm like ok..we just fought about this for an hour and now you're fighting about the opposite. She started getting mad and I didn't want to cause a scene and wake her mom. So I go in her room. She keeps hinting at cuddling but I never do it. In the morning she tells me she had a dream I was seeing someone else and that's why I wouldn't cuddle her all night. We end up fighting again and she kicks me out. Then she meets up with me again we go back to her house and she kicks me out again. I take an Uber to the bar and an hour later she ends up coming there. We have a pretty good night until the end we fight again and she tells me she's leaving and isn't dealing with my anymore. I say ok well I'm going home in a little bit. Then she asks me if I want to sleep over. I tell her no but she keeps fighting about it. So I sleep over.

 

We get in the Uber and we just start making out (first intimate contact in 5 weeks now) we get back to her house and have sex she tells me she loves me. We dcuddle. Wake up the next morning. I leave and she gives me a kiss on the neck and lips. I decide I will wait til she contacts me at this point. 5 days go by and she says nothing so I contact her. She fights with me immediately telling me I used her for sex and all that. I tell her I didn't and I was just giving us space because at this point I have no idea is going on. We fight for three days straight and she tells me never to contact her again and she's blocking me. 2 days later we talk again. Somehow I end up not really begging but talking to her about wanting a second chance and how much I love her she ignores most of it. And other messages are just her being angry. I see online she's at the movies with a guy. I tell her if she's dating someone or on a date she can just tell me and it'll make it a lot easier on both of us if I just know she's moved on to someone else. She answers with it's not a date and even if it was it's non of your business. Few more messages with her just telling me she hates me and I'm immature and to leave her alone and never contact her. She puts up some tweets directed at me and thing like that. I haven't talked to her since that day and it's been 2 weeks.

 

Through the first 5 weeks of the break up she was tweeting and posting things that I can tell were directed at me pretty often. These past two weeks she's maybe posted one or two things directed at me and that's it. She hasn't tried to contact me. The longest she went before was a week and a half. She's always been one of those fairy tale girls. Everything has to be perfect and all that. She's an aspiring actress so she's really into that stuff.

 

Here comes my question. Throughout the whole break up she kept saying things like "maybe when you have your together we can talk" or "I need a guy who's going to provide for me and my mom" while we were in the relationship we both got lazy. I'm an aspiring musician and she loved that about me in the beginning but I just got lazy and stopped. She always wanted me to write a song about her but I never did cause it just felt like a lot of pressure. She also loved when I was romantic which I was pretty romantic especially on holidays.

 

Since the break up I've been working on getting my stuff together. I've signed a lease to my very own first apartment. A nice one too. I've played a show. I've released more music in the past 5 weeks than our whole relationship, promoted and climbed to over 1,000 subscribers on youtube. I move in in a week and a half so my plan is this:

 

I'm going to send her a package that will get there about 5 days before I move in. The package will have a CD of a song I wrote for her that will be a rendition of a song we used to sing/listen to that I always told her made me think of her. I was going to put one rose in the package too. Then there will be a booklet of index cards saying "read after you listen" they will say hi how are you doing been a little while since we talked hope things are well etc etc. Then I think the space has done both of us some good I feel better mentally and physically and have been working very hard on music. Then it will tell her about how I'm moving into my new apartment in a few days and was thinking if she wanted to come over and see id like to have her over. Then it will say if not that's totally cool with me and I understand still hope you're doing well and everything is good. Then the last page will say but in case you decide you want to come this is for you and it will be a train ticket to my town where I can pick her up.

 

Is this too much? I know people say romantic gestures are bad for ex's but she always seemed to love them and dream up perfect scenarios in her head from movies. If this doesn't work I was planning on letting it be and just moving on, but I feel like I have to at least try. Would it be better to stay no contact and wait for her? I'm really at a crossroads here between what my head and heart are telling me. The problems in our relationship we're insecurities laziness and some jealousy. But I feel like they can all be easily fixed if we're willing to put in the effort. I don't feel as though it's worth losing each other over. What do you guys think about my idea after reading this?

[MissCanuck]

That was exhausting just reading about all the fighting. You two certainly thrive on drama.

 

Personally, I wouldn't try to resuscitate this. It's too immature and too turbulent to last anyway.

[rosephase]

You drank and fought for three days straight after you broke up. Isn't that enough? Do you really want all that fighting back?

 

It sounds like you are making positive changes in your life. Let this break up be one of them.

[ThatwasThen]

We fight for three days straight and she tells me never to contact her again and she's blocking me. 2 days later we talk again.

... and such is the jist of your hell together.

 

What makes you love the drama and dysfunction? Did your parents act the same way and so it feels safe for you to be in an abusive, dysfunctional mess?

 

Don't contact her again.

Don't send her a thing.

Keep up your self-improvement and stay single until you are emotionally capable and mature enough to pull a sane chick.

 

If she contacts you again, ignore her and carry on rehabbing from the drama.

[HeartGoesOn]

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