I just realized i am a crazy ex-boyfriend

[Siliconslinger]

I was dumped by my girlfriend of four months half a year ago for being a stage five clinger (always blew her phone up) and acting insecure and needy, ever since the breakup i've tried everything in an effort to get her back but none of my effort has gotten me closer to her, quite the opposite it only drives her further away from me

 

since the breakup i have done the following :

-Tried nc but broke it on the 21st day, texted her what's up, she replied with short answers, i got mad at her for replying to me like that and she blocked my whatsapp and called my friend to tell me to never contact her again

-drove past her house multiple times

-waited near her house for hours waiting for her to go home

-bought multiple new numbers to text her since she kept blocking me, she ended up changing her number

-spent hundreds of dollars on books about "how to get your ex back"

-stalked her instagram excessively to the point where she disabled her account and created a new one (which she made private of course) then i created a fake account using one her guy-friend's name so she would accept the request, she accepted it but a few weeks later she found out about it and blocked it

-called her hundreds of times, which she never picked up

-texted her every day acting like we're still together, she never replied once

-stalked every single guy she interacts with on social media

-texted her brother to keep tabs on her, her brother ended up blocking me

-came to her house unannounced to give her stuffs back to her mom, had a convo with her mom and she told me to move on and forget about her

-she is all i talk about when i hang out with my friends, they are getting sick of it and told me they wouldn't wanna go out with me again if i don't stop talking about her

-talked to her friends to keep tabs on her

-accidentally-on-purpose trying to orchestrate a run-in but failed

-jerked off to pics of her

-tried to hack into her accounts

-spent 50 bucks on therapy

-sent her a package with empty bottle containing a letter for her

 

I have been an absolute nightmare to her, because she never ever replied to anything i sent him, never once said anything kind, never cared for a second, the last text i received from her she told me to never ever contact her again, on top of that she got all her friends to block my instagram so i can't stalk them

 

i am so ashamed of myself but at the same time i have such a hard time letting go that i justify my behaviors, i can't help it, i still love her, she is my first girlfriend by the way...

 

I really feel like a creepy psycho, but mind you i wish her no harms AT ALL, if i were to meet her right now i wouldn't harm her in any way.

 

what should i do ?

[boltnrun]

Please sign up for and attend therapy. Please continue with therapy until these urges to harass your ex disappear.

[MissCanuck]

You are going to wind up with a restraining order against you if you don't stop. Yes, seriously. It's very likely she is already collecting evidence of all unwanted contact from you and already building a case.

 

Please, return to therapy. This isn't about love. You can help it. You don't want to, though. It's an obsession you have taken to unhealthy extremes and you are still in a position to save yourself before you get into trouble with law enforcement.

[Capricorn3]

I'm surprised she hasn't taken out a restraining order on you. Don't be surprised if that happens if you continue harassing her like this. Please look into therapy and stick with it for a long time - you need professional help.

[Ziggy123]

Please spend more than 50$ on therapy. This relationship is over and you need to move on its not healthy for either of you how this break up is going.

[Siliconslinger]

yes i want to but i can't cope with the thought of another guy hooking up with her and holding her hands, i just can't...

[Ziggy123]

You have no control over what she does or doesn't do. Try not to think about that too much as it really is beyond your control. You can't make someone want to be with you when they don't want to

[MissCanuck]

yes i want to but i can't cope with the thought of another guy hooking up with her and holding her hands, i just can't...

 

And that's precisely why you need therapy.

 

She is going to move on and you need to find healthier ways to cope with that. She isn't coming back so the sooner you start accepting it and getting yourself the professional help you very clearly need, the sooner you can begin to move on as well.

[DancingFool]

yes i want to but i can't cope with the thought of another guy hooking up with her and holding her hands, i just can't...

 

She is not an object that you own and control. This incredibly messed up attitude and obsessive demeanor that you have is precisely why you need to be spending a whole lot more than $50 on counseling. You need serious help.

[Siliconslinger]

will i ever get her back ? probably a couple of years down the road or is she gone forever ?

[DancingFool]

will i ever get her back ? probably a couple of years down the road or is she gone forever ?

 

Well what do you think? Would you take back someone who STALKED you, your friends, and your family???? You need to forget she exists before you land in jail.

[WombatShadow]

will i ever get her back ? probably a couple of years down the road or is she gone forever ?

 

I would say there is roughly a 0% chance of this happening at this point. You dated this girl for four months and have been stalking/torturing her with unwanted contact for longer than you two were actually together.

 

Get into therapy, seriously. By posting this you've admitted that you have a problem, but if you start to feel suicidal or homicidal you might consider checking yourself into a mental health facility where they will be able to keep track of you and make sure you don't go do anything. I know that sounds like a huge leap, but all that you've written is scary stuff.

 

Take care of yourself, Silicon.

[MissCanuck]

will i ever get her back ? probably a couple of years down the road or is she gone forever ?

 

She is gone forever.

[nutbrownhare]

To the OP,

 

You can guarantee she's gone forever. I've had the experience of being stalked and there's no way, in a million years, I'd want any kind of interaction with my stalker.

 

What you do need, though, is to take care of yourself and address your own problems so that at least you have a chance of a happy relationship with someone else in the future. Recognise that you are in need of help, and serious help. I don't know how it is in the US, but in the UK there are specialist groups which deal with rehabilitation of stalkers. Go and get help before you end up with a restraining order or in prison.

[Annia]

Is this the first time you do this with a girl? How were your previous relationships? How long have you been on therapy and is it helping you? Why are you doing this and what are you actually expecting to achieve with this (besides a restraining order and she fearing you and become traumatized by you)?

 

You know this is messed up and that you've been a five stage clinger and acting like a psycho... so knowing this there still seems to be a problem in translating this knowledge into the action of actually control yourself and stop doing it. You might not be able to control your feelings but you can always (I repeat ALWAYS because we often forget this) control our actions if we really make an effort. It's hard but it's possible. You need to figure out what's blocking the "knowing you're wrong" and actually translating it into actual action. The reasons can be many and only you (and probably your therapist) can try to figure this out. It's detrimental to your healing and to keep you from doing this for good.

 

It's also important that you recognise that this is NOT love.

 

Meanwhile STOP it before you get arrested, because what you're doing not only is messed up but also against the law in most countries and please intensive therapy for an extended period of time.

[Annia]

will i ever get her back ? probably a couple of years down the road or is she gone forever ?

 

Sorry to tell you but if she's an healthy individual with boundaries and sense of self preservation, she'll probably be gone forever.

[boltnrun]

One of my exes stalked me electronically.

 

No way, not a chance, would I ever, ever consider even speaking to him, let alone take him back.

 

I finally had to tell him in no uncertain words to leave me alone, never contact me again, and then I blocked him. I was advised to do this by my cousin who is a police officer, so there would be a written record of me telling him to leave me alone. You know, in case he came after me and hurt me.

 

You've frightened her with your unwelcome, obsessive behavior. No, she will not come back to you.

 

Please, please seek therapy. It will do you a world of good if you let it.