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Do you think you should stay in a relationship for the kids?


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I mean if you have a kid, and you and your partner get along, but more so like roommates or friends, but are great at parenting together, just have a lack of passion, do you stick it out for your child's happiness?

Edited by Capricorn3
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I vote no. I think everyone deserves real love, and I think it's important that children grow up with good examples of love and partnership. Your children are learning how to be a husband/wife from you, and for me personally, settling is not the lesson I want to teach. I also don't want to find myself in the situation where my daughter is 15 and overhears a conversation about how we stayed together for her. Young kids are very resilient. Teenagers and young adults, not quite as much. That's just my take. But I also think that everyone's circumstances are different and there really is no right or wrong answer to your question. There's only what is right for YOU and your family.

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Children pick up on more than we tend to think they do.

 

My vote is typically no to staying just for the kiddos. I'm partial to the belief that one of the best things you can give your children is a happy parent who loves life and lives it - and demonstrates that to them. Not that your happiness is more important than everything else, but that's it's an achievable and important goal...and hopefully will produce children with the same goals into adulthood.

 

If you're successfully co-parenting now, and are both on the same page, there's a good chance you could continue to do so in the future in a more separate way. Now, if only you are on this page... it may be a completely different story, and that cordial co-parenting may cease to exist once you split.

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Depends! Have you always been like buddies to eachother, or just going through a slump? I think a lot of people don't realize what a buzz kill kids are to your social life, and they reallly don't get your libido going after you've spent all day with them as well. Keep in mind - this is just for the littles. Cuz if you are still attracted to eachother, but just have kids wearing you down, then it's a phase. Now if your attraction has waned, then you two need to get into a routine of doing new things together. Cooking class, sport, hobbie, something that trains and associates you two doing new things together. Get family or anyone you trust to watch even for a few hours every other week, or once a week. Have sex even when you're only 50% into it. It just takes time to get the rhythm back.

 

Now if you only married just for the kid, eh, then you have to be honest if both of you are okay with never having sex again for the next 18 years.

 

Um, just read your other posts. You are too young to hang up your libido, kid or not. I'd break up, and just coparent. Kids will be fine. Your anger at this moment, yeah, it's showing your kids what it is like to not love your partner, and just deal with it.

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Passion fluctuates, feelings of love fluctuate. Why not work on bringing passion into the relationship, or finding new ways to appreciate each other? My guess is there was love enough for the relationship to move to marriage (i.e. COMMITMENT), and I think it is possible for passion and love to ebb and flow and to be rekindled (sometimes when you least expect it).

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If youre truly unhappy leaving is the best thing you can do having a happy parent Raises happy children,but if you guys get along and there was once passion, it can be reignited . With age comes boredom we get what we put in in all things imo.try and talk to your s.o. . Starting an open conversation can do alot

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I don't have kids and never will but I can honestly say that I would stay in a passion less relationship if I were happy otherwise. I've been in a happy, sexless relationship before and I'd do it again in the right situation with the right person. Happiness comes in many forms.

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I would also say no. I had a friend who went through a situation because of cheating in the marriage. He ended up separating from his wife 3 years into trying because he couldn't get passed it. But that was pretty extreme case. If both people aren't able to come to an agreement and work together at least amicably, it really doesn't well. Not to mention that kids can pick up on the stress too

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I'm a sucker for romance so definitely NO. If you are great roommates you will probably be decent at coparenting too. Better to end it now than someone get romantic feelings later and have a messy divorce.

 

I really don't think it works unless both parents are just asexual types. Just easier to end it now imo.

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If you get along great but are just missing the passion you once had --- and you didn't lose it because there is abuse, etc, --- I think its worth staying right now. I think you should go on dates without the kids. I think whoever is the spouse that is the main caregiver for the kids should be given a little bit of a break - whether that means you hire someone to come in to do the heavy cleaning (floors/bathrooms/kitchen) twice a month or that means that you get a babysitter so they can shop or have a little self care time in peace a couple hours a week --- whatever is going to make you both less worn thin. or the chance for the spouse who is the main breadwinner to have a little unwind time before the honey do list.

 

I know some couples who were crazy about eachother and the sleeplessness of having kids, juggling schedules and feeling like two ships pass in the night has sucked the passion out of it.

 

So find the passion again - work out and feel good about yourselves, etc, maybe go to counseling if you both feel the same way - but really - you make a good team and its too much to just throw away - if you can add sex back into the mix, you will feel the difference even if that means kids sleep at grandma's a night a month, etc.

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I vote no. I think everyone deserves real love, and I think it's important that children grow up with good examples of love and partnership. Your children are learning how to be a husband/wife from you, and for me personally, settling is not the lesson I want to teach. I also don't want to find myself in the situation where my daughter is 15 and overhears a conversation about how we stayed together for her. Young kids are very resilient. Teenagers and young adults, not quite as much. That's just my take. But I also think that everyone's circumstances are different and there really is no right or wrong answer to your question. There's only what is right for YOU and your family.

Thank you! I decided to leave when our lease is up. I know I can't live a life feeling ignored, unloved and alone. I deserve happiness and love and so does he.

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Passion fluctuates, feelings of love fluctuate. Why not work on bringing passion into the relationship, or finding new ways to appreciate each other? My guess is there was love enough for the relationship to move to marriage (i.e. COMMITMENT), and I think it is possible for passion and love to ebb and flow and to be rekindled (sometimes when you least expect it).

It's not marriage. Engaged

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