It's almost poetic

[Jovahutc]

Warning, I hope I don't ruin anyone's day here, but be forewarned that this is depressing because I am in a deep depression.

 

The world, the universe doesn't feel the same without her. It's cold, and I'm dying. Snap out of it! But whenever I look into her eyes, I get lost. How did she know that? She said that this would kill me. She said that the end of me and her would kill me. And I've always known I could not survive it, but I've tried, and I'm trying. Will finding another woman save me? Six years ago I met a woman, and she swallowed me whole. I fell in love and it nearly killed me, and it still might, if I can't let go. I'm a man who endures hell because I can't let go. If I met another woman, ... would that take away the pain? I don't believe I'll ever be healed, be whole again. Don't you all understand now?! I can't be saved. No one can help me. No one can save me, ... from the inevitable. I'm just dragging this whole thing out, because I couldn't be a coward and leave my daughter. How I would do anything for her. How I would reach every cluster of the universe for her. She is supposed to be my salvation, but why don't I feel strong enough. Don't you all see now? Medication can't help me! This can't be talked through and worked out. Because this grief, heartache, it lingers and will not stop. I fell too deep into depression to escape it. I can't be helped, I can't be saved.

[Cope]

Jovahutc, I am so sorry you feel like this.I read some of your previous posts to understand what's going on. You've heard this before, but you do need help. Not couples therapy help, personal help. s someone else suggested try your family for starters or friends,don't just talk to them, ask them to help you seek help. You can overcome what you are feeling.

 

Keep in mind that you may see your ex(?) as your savior but she most likely was just an enabler without her wanting to be one. You felt safe with her and even if she tried pushing you to get help, she was always there for you even when you didn't, continuing the vicious circle. This time she is not and this, believe it or not, can be the best thing that happened to you. You will always have your daughter, so you better start working on yourself for her sake. Again, you can overcome this! And when you do, you will have more things to be happy about than before.

 

Help can be found in all sorts of forms. You can start with forums about depression etc, books, online doctors and the ultimate, real life doctors. If one thing doesn't suit you, feel free to try the other. This also applies to doctors. Just because someone is a doctor, does not mean that they are the right one for you.

 

I really really hope you seek help! You can be saved, but you are the one that has to do the saving.