ShortGirl Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 So I've posted once in here about a different issue that I was desperately in need of advice on. But I couldn't or didn't feel right about going to friends because of the delicate nature of the topic. I didn't want to cloud people's judgement or opinions of my boyfriend if there was no need to. So some detailed back story (sorry this is going to be a long post, but I think it will be nice to get it off my chest) my boyfriend and I have a considerable age difference in our relationship. He's older than I. It generally doesn't cause any issues between us, it can be awkward when people confuse us for father and daughter in public (my face also looks several years younger than I actually am) I was actually the one who initiated the relationship because I really enjoyed his company and personality. We were together for about a year before we moved in together and have been together 2 years. He has had 2 serious relationships in the past, marriage and divorce for both. They weren't the right fit, things were good in the beginning and then just went downhill after a while. From what I've heard both women were not a good fit for him. He struggles with some self confidence and trust stuff as would anyone if you were cheated on, etc. but he's still a very kind, gentle person who generally wants to help people and has always tried his best to make me happy and all that good mushy stuff. I am a very independent, stubborn, blunt and to the point person. I guess I can be sassy and bossy to as I've been told. I'm very sensitive to the feeling that people are trying to hold me back, control me, or tell me what to do in any way. I completely shut down and go into defensive mode. It's a flaw that I'm attempting to work on, but it comes with being short and constantly feeling like people don't think you can "do it" by yourself. I just like doing what I have my mind set on and unless someone has a good reason not to, I will probably do it. But I never intend to hurt others. Because of our age gap I think he sees relationships in a different way. He seems to think that because we have moved in and are in a I guess long term relationship at the moment that I should consult with him on decisions or plans before I make or agree to them. I always thought that there were some things you consult about but if the plans just include me then I don't need to ask, just share my plans so he knows what I'm up to. I wouldn't go off and leave him in the dark, but I also don't think I need to ask before I do something....like go on a girls trip. Long story short there have been times where I've made plans with my friends ( girls night out, etc.) the things where he's invited I always ask him if he wants to go, and I try to give as much notice as possible so he can plan. There are some things that if he can't go (work or some other commitment) he thinks I shouldn't go either even if he will be busy and I'll be on my own alone. Basically I feel as though his past issues with his previous relationships are having and effect on his trust in me or other people I'm with. I refuse to ask permission to go out and enjoy myself with friends (I would NEVER cheat on him) but he still sulks and gets upset if I don't "invite" him or go without him. I feel as a grown man this behavior is not that appropriate...but I don't know if it's just my sensitivity to feeling held back or not. What do you guys think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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