I need help and fast..

[EmmaLouAnn]

Okay so me and my ex were together for 2 years almost three, anyways we split I was heart broken we tried seeing each other it didn't work we tried friends and that worked for a while until he got a new girlfriend a few months later

She was the complete opposite of me she had 2 kids was a ex drug addict and a bisexual and if I'm honest a downgrade.. they lasted for 4 months and it was a toxic relationship from what my ex told me.. we talked when he was with this girl every now and then and he would tell me he was unhappy and didn't know what to do, then one day he found the courage to leave.

 

A month or so later we got really close we started talking a lot more and seeing each other then one day out of the blue he tells me he's seeing someone else and the only reason he was telling me was because she knew he was still talking to me and she didn't want him to talk to me anymore.

I stopped talking to him for a few days we were supposed to meet up and talk after work but his dad unfortunately got really poorly and a few weeks later unfortunately passed away.

 

My ex told me about his dad kept me in the loop and we had countless of conversations late at night I was upset when I found out and was invited to the funeral.

 

At the funeral I stood with his friends and payed my respects knowing full well he had started seeing another girl I kept my composure and payed my respects. He got so drunk obviously and I had to help him get into a taxi he flirted a lot with me and kept touching and hugging me and telling me how much I meant to him.

 

2 days later he tells me he's going to be with this girl he's seeing I was obviously heartbroken again and refused to speak with him he blocked me on everything and we didn't talk for a month or so...

 

A few weeks later he texts me out of the blue telling me his life is a mess and we talk for a while he even calls me and tells me he's not happy he misses his dad his relationship isn't what he wants and he misses me and our relationship and wishes he could take everything back and do it all differently.

 

We start talking again everyday and calling and he tells me how his new girlfriend doesn't make him happy and how he's tried to split up with her but she refuses to accept it

 

I can't help but love this guy believe me I've tried everything not too I've took every bit of advice and nothing's worked I still love him and want to be with him and he told me he still loves me and wants to try again and give us a chance again...

 

I recently saw a photo that his girlfriend put up on Facebook he's obviously drunk but they look happy I don't know if I'm just overthinking but it really upset me and I don't know what to do.

 

I really love him so much and it's killing me seeing him be with another.

I've heard all the love on he's not good enough but to me he really is he's all I've ever wanted.

 

Please has anyone ever gotten an ex back in a similar situation?!

[UBC9]

I have been in a situation/am in one now that I love him and I can't stop.

But I dont think its right that you continue to talk to him when he's in these relationships. I would not be OK with my guy doing that and he wouldn't be OK with me reaching out to an ex or responding to an ex. I'm sorry you're going through this

Maybe next time you hear from him either break it off or tell him you need him all or nothing. it sounds like he needs YOU, however

side note- I don't know how you can stand the thought of him being with these other women and still want to be with him after he's been with them (probably sexually) that is just a deal breaker for me

[EmmaLouAnn]

I can't help myself talking to him believe me I've tried not talking to him and I felt lost and so did he, I could talk to him about anything and I still can to this day.

I'm at a breaking point I think where I'm going to tell him how I feel about him and how it's making me feel I can't keep doing this not again.

I can't stand the thought of him being with other women sexually honestly I can't but if I let myself think of it I'll upset myself more..

I just don't know what to do.

[ThatwasThen]

We start talking again everyday and calling and he tells me how his new girlfriend doesn't make him happy and how he's tried to split up with her but she refuses to accept it

That should have been enough for you to tell him kindly but firmly that you are not going to be the other woman and when he breaks up with her to give you a call and until then, lose your number. You can't get over him like you should because you keep letting him hoover you back in the same shoddy dynamic as he's always given you.

 

He has left you for another woman twice now. His actions are clearly telling you that you'll do as filler until he finds someone that will tolerate his arse long term. If he wanted you for a LIFE mate, you'd not be delegated to the shelf until he "needs" you again.

 

You CAN keep him gone. All you have to do is block him after you wisen up and accept the facts. Don't let him use you yet again. Get yourself into counseling to help you rehab from him for good if that's what it takes for you to keep him gone. He's ruining your good dating years by keeping mired in his BS and superficiality.

[Yazmine245]

My current bf was you. He continued to love and be my friend for many years. We've been through this phase before. Each of us having very different feelings on what it was.

 

I dated many. Some I told him about, some I didn't. It marvels me today how he could tolerate some of the situations we were in. We talk about it every now and then, if it wasn't for his persistance and patience with me, we would not be where we are today. It was not the easiest path. But something very real kept us coming back to one another. It's been 20 yrs for us and we're finally together. Excited for new stories and memories to add to the old catalogue of 'just friend' stories.

 

My only advice is to love him without attachment. Or learn what this is.

 

When you remove your need to control what the relationship is supposed to look like, and surrender to what it is, you allow yourself to love without needing him. And being able to do you. It's the only way to love without suffering. Something deep inside you understands that he's special.

 

I've only felt the desire to love like this with family.. And him. lol

 

Every other person has been a 'cut and delete' kind of association. So make sure your efforts to take this path is with a person worthy of such devotion.

 

Goodluck!

[MissCanuck]

Tell him not to contact you unless and until he is single.

 

Otherwise, you are wasting your time being his shoulder to cry on while he still goes home to another woman. It's pointless to keep enabling that.

[eidetic]

I agree with the rest who said tell him no until he stops seeing other women. I also think what you said above about telling him your true feelings, is the right track. He needs to be aware that you love him in this deep and special way, and that the more casual arrangement is hurting you. And that you need to be not part of his life if it is only going to be like this.

 

It's rough about his father, and I can see where he would want your care and connection in this time. But it is also a call to him to wake up to what he truly wants, what your love means to him, what your presence and caring input is worth to him, and to do something about it.

 

When he calls again, tell him your truth, and tell him you need space to heal. If he cannot respect this, you may have to block him for a time.

[UBC9]

what happed with your situation?

[EmmaLouAnn]

I told him how I felt and told him I was still in love with him had feelings the lot... I had a really bad week and everything got on top of me and I just broke down and told him.

 

He told me he still loves me and has feelings for me which led me to ask if he still loves me why is he with someone else and telling them the same thing you can't be inlove with two people at the same time to which he replied he isn't he only loves one and it's me..

 

He came to visit me today and said that he still feels the same he's not happy with her but she's doing a lot for him with it being his birthday and he can't just leave her now.. not that I asked him too

 

He's not happy with her so he's thinking about what he needs to do but I'm slowly giving up I keep seeing the things they put up on Facebook saying I love you to each other and he's telling me what I see on Facebook is all an act but I don't know what to believe anymore.

 

So I'm at a dead end really I don't know what to do.. I guess I'm just glad he's still in my life

[ThatwasThen]

He came to visit me today and said that he still feels the same he's not happy with her but she's doing a lot for him with it being his birthday and he can't just leave her now.. not that I asked him too

I guess I'm just glad he's still in my life

O.M.G. Its when I read things like that is when I wish that we could swear on here. Surely you have more respect for yourself then to believe that garbage. O.o

 

He's playing you like a fiddle.

[Hoops55]

I am in the same situation now. I honestly would try and keep an open mind. There is a reason you are the one he keepings wanting to fall back on. It always circles back to you. The only bad news is that it is either because he does want to be with you in the end or because he knows you'll answer when he calls. The situation I'm in, he's not seeing anyone else but he'll go do whatever but still will come over and drunk tell me he loves me. I know there is some truth to that and I don't want to totally give up on it but you have to make sure you aren't being naive or being taken for granted. Again, I'm in the same boat. I know it's so hard, and you just want him to tell you that it's just you. But until you make him see what life is like without you totally in it (what I'm doing currently) he's just going to keep using you.

 

Good luck.

[ThatwasThen]

I am in the same situation now. I honestly would try and keep an open mind. There is a reason you are the one he keepings wanting to fall back on. It always circles back to you.

Yea... because she lets him and what a great ego boost for Mr. Strings-her-along.

 

The only bad news is that it is either because he does want to be with you in the end or because he knows you'll answer when he calls. The situation I'm in, he's not seeing anyone else but he'll go do whatever but still will come over and drunk tell me he loves me.

and he does this because you enable him and enjoy his drunken crumbs instead of telling him to bugger off so you can actually heal and eventually find someone that won't play you.

 

I know there is some truth to that and I don't want to totally give up on it but you have to make sure you aren't being naive or being taken for granted. Again, I'm in the same boat. I know it's so hard, and you just want him to tell you that it's just you. But until you make him see what life is like without you totally in it (what I'm doing currently) he's just going to keep using you.

Did you tell this guy that you didn't want anything to do with his crumbs and his proclamations of love without action to prove that love?

 

LADIES ~ please have more self-confidence and love of self to read these two the riot act.

[cococly]

Stop visiting his social media , in fact, you Should stop accessing those sites altogether.

 

Stalking social media gives you nothing but heartbreak