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It's harder when you can't hate your ex


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A few months back my i got dumped by my now ex. I've been a dumpee before but the previous time the girl cheated on me, and started a relationship with the guy she cheated with right after breaking up with me.

 

This break up however was due to the fact she had some motivational issues, she wasn't making an effort to get anywhere in life, i was getting frustrated, i became mean to her and she turned into a forced dumpee.

 

This woman has been with me the most difficult times, has inspired and taught me a lot. She had her flaws but i really do feel like i lost something good. I'm on NC right now, we did contact each other a few times on and off before i implemented full NC. The last time she contacted me it was to tell me to move on because she doesn't want me or any relationship anymore.

 

I was her first boyfriend and she was always faithful to me. Never did me wrong as a partner. This makes it hard for me to move on from her. But i have to do it and i will.

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I don't know other people, according to my experiences, I didn't hate any exes. I was cheated on when in a long term relationship, I was in an abusive short term relationship. I should have hated these exes, however I never felt the feeling of hatred. I felt sad, shocked, devastated and painful, but not hateful.

You don't have to hate someone to heal, you don't have to be the dumper to feel less pain.

Process your emotions carefully and slowly you'll get better.

Hope is the key.

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I think it's healthier not to hate your ex. Sure, being left is hard, but in the end you have to accept and respect other people's choices.

 

it was hard for me too, as she kept in contact for a while, which was confusing, but I'm sure she was confused at the time too. So, unless you were cheated on, or treated awfully, then there's no reason to hate just because the other person doesn't want the same as you.

 

Unless you're completely emotionless it takes a little while to move on, as your emotions go back and forth. That's natural, but after a few weeks they settle and you just accept things, and the feelings fade as time passes. Personally I think it goes quicker if you don't harbour any bad feelings or resentments, as they just lie dormant and are likely to keep popping up again.

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I think it's healthier not to hate your ex. Sure, being left is hard, but in the end you have to accept and respect other people's choices.

 

it was hard for me too, as she kept in contact for a while, which was confusing, but I'm sure she was confused at the time too. So, unless you were cheated on, or treated awfully, then there's no reason to hate just because the other person doesn't want the same as you.

 

Unless you're completely emotionless it takes a little while to move on, as your emotions go back and forth. That's natural, but after a few weeks they settle and you just accept things, and the feelings fade as time passes. Personally I think it goes quicker if you don't harbour any bad feelings or resentments, as they just lie dormant and are likely to keep popping up again.

 

Agreed. My ex-ex and I had a wonderful relationship. It was hard to break up because we both had wonderful time together and we weren't sure what went wrong (well, I knew but he was in denial and not as conscious as I was but how do you tell something important to someone when they simply cannot see it). So after 6 years we went separate ways. I don't hate him at all and still think of us fondly. We had great holidays and experiences together. I was devastated we'd collapsed but he was not interested in reconciliation and I don't blame him. Finally, I suspect, he worked out that I have some serious issues - good for him. But he had them too. Sorry I am talking about myself.

 

Wanted to say, it is true that it is healthier not to hate your ex. I always make sure that I don't. Hate is such destructive and unnecessary emotion.

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I don't hate any of my exes now. But. I found it easier to deal with the break up by using hate. I'm not talking about "I wanna kill him" hate. I mean allowing myself to be angry. I mean, come on, it's normal. It's ok to be angry. After the whole thing passes you won't hate anyone.

 

All this "you shouldn't hate them" sometimes makes it worse for people because they think that they should forget all the bad times, but if they were to forget all the bad times, why not stick with them? Bad times, makes us feel bad/sad/angry and so on.

 

Bottom line, it's ok to be angry! Hell you should be, specially if the relationship was s*it! It's part of the process. In the end, you won't hate them.

Every emotion you feel is normal (mostly), allow yourself to feel them in order for them to pass.

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