Confessions.. and needing advice.

[Schris93]

My best friend and I have been best friends since high school. She's been my go to chick this entire time. She has a girlfriend for about 6 years, I think. Mind you, her girlfriend and I do not get along. I been out of a relationship for a year now.

 

3 weeks ago, my parents and I went on a 2 week cruise to the Caribbean. While on vacation, I had my phone on airplane mode. I didn't keep in contact with anyone but my best friend when I was able to take my phone off airplane mode. Anyways, maybe on day 3 when I turned on my phone, my best friend basically sent me a text confessing her feelings to me. Umm, it was bitter sweet. Here's the secret.

 

I've been having feelings for my best friend for awhile now. The way I'm around her, how happy I am when I'm with her. The urge of wanting to be around her is strong. And most importantly my family love her. I never told her how I felt because one reason being she's in a relationship and I didn't want to put her in that kind of situation... if she was happy, if she's happy, I should let her be happy with out complicating things. So I put if off. Secondly I was scared she didn't feel the same so again I put it off. So when I got that text, I was relieved I guess Because I never had any clue or thought she'd ever feel the same way. So I took full advantage of the text... and I told her I felt the same way. We left it at that. We promised each other we wouldn't treat each other differently. But we felt good we felt the same way.

 

I came back from vacation. Everything was fine. Nothing is weird. She came to my house the day I got back from vacation. We hang out during the week. We talk everyday.

 

So the issue.... What I'm noticing is, I'm feeling for her more than I thought I was. I think I'm kinda in love with her. But what saddens me is, I know it won't go anywhere. With me and her. She's in a relationship where I believe she's to scared to leave. Almost like she's comfortable. And she doesn't want to leave that comfort for the fear of what she'll feel leaving. That relationship she's in is all she knows. She claims she's still in love with her. I don't believe it.

 

I didn't tell her I was in love with her, but recently I tried to express that I'm noticing that her relationship is now bothering me. Whereas before it wasn't a bother. I'm noticing that i get a little jealous when she post pictures of her and her girlfriend where as before I was never jealous of them. I expressed to my best friend what if along the way I want more than what this is, but your still to use to being with the girlfriend that you won't take the chance and leave. And basically she said she wouldn't want that to happen. Where she'll have to choose... to that made me feel low. Basically, she wants her cake and eat it to. If that's how that saying goes. Like what was the point of telling me how you felt towards me if you didn't have intentions on seeing where it goes, later on. Why not keep it to yourself if you don't see yourself with anyone else other than the person she's with now.

 

Do I want more than just a best friend, Im afraid to admit it, yes. But unfortunately, I know it won't go any further.

So what is a girl to do with out losing my best friend completely?

[glitterfingers]

While reading this post I first wondered why she told you that if she wasn't prepared to leave her current girlfriend (you're right to be very confused), and then what she expects to happen now that the feelings are out there. I think you could really benefit from having an open, verbal conversation with her where you try and get to the heart of the issue... So, don't get hurt or upset, just try and express how you feel (maybe not the love part just yet), and ask her what she is hoping things to look like moving forward.

 

Maybe she is scared to leave her girlfriend because she doesn't know whether you genuinely feel the same way, and whether you'd be ready to support her in a relationship the way she's used to - admittedly, love and support grow over time so a new relationship with you will lack some of what she has now. Before you've had a heart-to-heart with her, you really need to try and suspend judgement and not assume that she's being entirely selfish. Just make sure you get her thoughts/feelings on the matter really clear so you are armed with the information you need in order to move forward.

 

Two things could happen. One is that she says that she does want to move on from her current relationship and be with you, and you will feel a bit better knowing that this is on the cards and you're working towards it with her. The other thing that might happen is you realise that she is basically in love with two people at once, and she's choosing to stay with the current girlfriend rather than commit to you. If that is the case, you'll need to distance yourself to start with. You'll probably find that you can't pursue a relationship with someone else until you get over her, and that will mean eventually phasing her out of your life

[Schris93]

While reading this post I first wondered why she told you that if she wasn't prepared to leave her current girlfriend (you're right to be very confused), and then what she expects to happen now that the feelings are out there. I think you could really benefit from having an open, verbal conversation with her where you try and get to the heart of the issue... So, don't get hurt or upset, just try and express how you feel (maybe not the love part just yet), and ask her what she is hoping things to look like moving forward.

 

Maybe she is scared to leave her girlfriend because she doesn't know whether you genuinely feel the same way, and whether you'd be ready to support her in a relationship the way she's used to - admittedly, love and support grow over time so a new relationship with you will lack some of what she has now. Before you've had a heart-to-heart with her, you really need to try and suspend judgement and not assume that she's being entirely selfish. Just make sure you get her thoughts/feelings on the matter really clear so you are armed with the information you need in order to move forward.

 

Two things could happen. One is that she says that she does want to move on from her current relationship and be with you, and you will feel a bit better knowing that this is on the cards and you're working towards it with her. The other thing that might happen is you realise that she is basically in love with two people at once, and she's choosing to stay with the current girlfriend rather than commit to you. If that is the case, you'll need to distance yourself to start with. You'll probably find that you can't pursue a relationship with someone else until you get over her, and that will mean eventually phasing her out of your life

 

reading this has help me a lot! I now know what I have to do. Thank you