codyrhodes Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Hey every one. I need some advice. This is going to be a very lengthy story, but PLEASE bare with me, because I REALLY NEED some advice. I am Married with Two Children of my own and Two Step Children. A few months ago, the house which we were renting was getting ready to be sold, leaving our Family with out a place to live. With such short notice and not many options, My Wife and I decided may be after 10 years of marriage, it is finally time to buy a house. My Parents gave me a very Large down payment, however my Wife’s credit is very poor and so is mine. Fast forward, time came for us to move, there weren’t any rentals available in our area or near by which were affordable, so we thought we’d ask if we could stay with either of our parents for a little bit. We figured it’d be a good idea if we moved into either of our Parents house for a few months to save some money, fix our credit and finally get our own house instead of paying some one else’s mortgage. I suggested we’d move into My Parents house being as though my Parents have a big enough house to host my Family of 6, whereas My Wife wanted to move into her Mothers house which is not a problem until you consider that her Single Mother lives in a One Bed Room Apartment. My Wife didn’t want to move into My Parents’ house because of past incidents between My Parents and My Step Children. Unfortunately My Father who is over 60 years old is very nervous and impulsive when it comes to Children and unfortunately My Father has unfairly reprimanded my Step Children in the past. My Wife has this rule where no one is allowed to reprimand her Children unless its her or their Real Father, which I totally understand and respect. She also feels that my Parents haven’t formed enough of a bond in the past 10 years with my Children to be able to reprimand them, which of course I understand and respect and agree with as well. Anyhow, I asked my Parents if we could move in with them for a few months and they thought it wouldn’t be a good idea because My Wife doesn’t like when My Parents reprimand My Step Children. My Wife and I also do not like when people consume alcohol around our Children for fear that it may encourage them to take up consuming alcohol now or in the future (alcoholism runs in my Wife’s Family. Her Mother, Her Sister and Her Brother all struggle with alcoholism)……and since my Parents drink…..responsibly I might add…..all weekend long…..My parents also thought it wouldn’t be a good idea if we lived there because they thought we might clash about their drinking habits. My Wife and I are NOT CRAZY. We fully understand that if we are guests in some one’s house, we CANNOT tell them what to do or make any rules of our own! So clearly we would never ask them to not drink or to not do something that we don’t like. And My Wife is a very sensible person who has manners and has respect and would not allow her Children or our Children to misbehave in some one else’s house…..so although My Parents would still not be allowed to reprimand my Step Children…..there would be no need to because My Step Children are well behaved and would have been well behaved. My Parents also suggested that my Step Children can go live with their biological Father while My Wife and I sort things out. Their biological Father lives very close to us and has a bedroom for them so it was very well possible. In my Head however, I thought, How could I ask My Wife to leave her own Children and not see them for a longer period of time than usual? I wouldn’t like it if I were put in that position either. My Children are my World and I couldn’t stand not being able to see them. Imagine what a MOTHER would feel like. I know the old saying about making sacrifices…..but that would be a cruel sacrifice. So…….I sided with My Wife because I care tremendously about My Step Children. I know they mean the World to her and having them around makes her Happy. I would never want to risk her Happiness if it has anything to do with being cruel to her Children. I did get upset at my Parents and asked how they could be so final with their judgement….. My Parents just moved to the same State as us just about a few months ago. Before that, my Family would take flights to our State and my Wife would generously kick her own Children(my Step Children) out of their Rooms….out of the house and send them to stay over at their Dad’s house for a few days to accommodate My Parents and My Brother while they were visiting………..Additionally, My Nephew would come in from out of State as well, on his own, with our his parents who are divorced by the way….No Instructions….His parents never called to check on him for the two months he stayed with us…..but my Wife was very accepting and let him crash inside Her Kid’s room and let him do whatever he wanted…….Mean while, When we would fly in to visit My Family….we never got the same treatment. Although My Parents owned a Big Enough house……with extra beds…..My Step Children weren’t offered those beds…..they were left to sleep on an uncomfortable couch. An Eye for An Eye? Or Not? Here’s one thing. My Parents have always been unfair to me. They always played the favorites game with me and my Brother and my Brother was always favored. Perfect example, They gave my Brother a bigger down payment to buy a House, PLUS they co-signed for his house and now My Brother is living in a 4,000+ square foot home with 6 Bed Rooms, mean while its only him and his Girlfriend living there…..and My Family of 6 is homeless…….or kinda homeless and living out of a Storage Room and My Mother In Laws tiny apartment. My Parents wanted to co-sign for me, but always made excuses when it came time to do so……when it came to my Brother though, there was no hesitation even though My Brother changes girlfriends every year or 2(he’s up to Girlfriend number 6 now), abandoned his Girlfriend of 15 years and their 2 Children and is an immature, irresponsible and inconsiderate person. My Parents HAVE HOWEVER in return funded me and My Family for the last 5 years. My Parents acknowledged their favoritism to my Brother, have apologized and thought the best way to make it up to me was with Money. I didn’t and still don’t agree with that thought, but they did it and here we are over $200,000 later. Both the cars that my Wife and I own, have been paid for by My Parents, so they kept us afloat for some time. PLUS my Parents still pay for our car insurance. Back to the original story. When I first told My Wife about What My Parents had said. She didn’t mind. Didn’t care. Thought we should be the bigger people and pretend that it didn’t bother us. Fast Forward 3 months later, and My Wife says she has thought about it and now is Mad about the whole thing now that we are living in My Mother In Laws House. I didn’t speak to My Parents for a good 2 1/2 Months…..until they started reaching out to me recently. They’ve apologized to ME for their behavior…..have offered me money…..have offered to help us by a house or help us rent a house…….but they haven’t reached out to My Wife. Now if I know one thing about my parents its that they aren’t mean people. They’ve made MANY mistakes…..definitely not financially…..but they’ve made silly Mistakes which have hurt people….me and My Family included….but I know that they don’t mean harm. I don’t think they haven’t reached out to My Wife because they don’t care. They actually like her a lot and value her opinion over any body else……but I do think that they haven’t reached out to her because they are afraid of her. Afraid to apologize. Afraid to hear her reactions possibly. I am still resentful of my Parents for the way they acted when I needed them a few months back. I can forgive them but I won’t forget. I still have a sour feeling towards them but at the end of the day I still Love and care about them. My mindset right now is for me and My Wife to fix ourselves on OUR own. Without their help. My Wife wants the same. I kind of want to keep my distance from my parents because of the resentment I still feel towards them BUT…….I still want my Children to visit my Parents. My Wife is Mad at my Parents because she feels that my Parents don’t like My Step Children. She feels My Parents discriminated against them and in a way I kind of feel the same way. At first My Wife agreed to let My Parents see Our Children, but after the only two visits they’ve had since the big blow up…..My Wife decided she didn’t want to do any favors for My Parents anymore……meaning she didn’t like the idea of my Parents seeing my Kids. Her theory behind that train of thought is that my Children would be betraying their siblings (My Step Children) by visiting My Parents. My Wife thinks that if my Children whom are very young by the way….if they knew that My Parents didn’t accept My Step Children living in their house, then my Children would be upset at My Parents. So now it’s like we’re using my Children to get back at my Parents. At first I did do that. Didn’t see or contact my Parents for over Two Months. My Wife thought I shouldn’t have done that…..thought it was a bad idea. Now I want to have some contact with My Parents, and My Wife thinks that’s a bad idea. Firstly, I don’t actually want to rush back into being in good spirits with my Parents. I don’t want to rush into being their best friend and sharing my secrets with them. All I really want is for them to maintain their relationship with my Children. PERIOD! My Parents in essence have never done anything wrong to my Children. I mean aside from unfairly choosing sides and letting my Younger Child win arguments over my Older Child….My Parents have been the Greatest Grand Parents, a kid could ever ask for. Anything My kids wants, My Parents get and do for them. No excuses. My Parents LOVE my Children and my Children love my Parents right back. Now, If supposedly there were an issue between My Parents and My Wife and her Two Children from a previous relationship…..should My Children be dragged into it? Should my Children have to suffer consequences for it? Additionally, My Wife thinks I should keep away from My Parents until we're in a better position. Now again, My Parents have been very generous and extremely helpful to us through out the years BUT they are not angels. My Parents have unfairly criticized not only My Wife and I, but also My Wife’s Parents and Siblings, and of course those instances where My Parents were unfair to My Step Children……My Wife remembers all of it and I don’t blame her. I absolutely understand why. And adding the fact that My Wife thinks My Parents don’t like My Step Children….that makes matters worse. Personally, I don’t believe that my Parents dislike my Step Children. They’ve never said a bad word about them….but I do believe that my Father might be a little resentful and unhappy about the fact that my Wife has had to correct him for overstepping his boundaries and trying to reprimand her Children. I’m sure that’s left a sour taste in his mouth but hey….good for him. He deserved it. He was in the wrong…..and if someone sets a boundary….you have to respect it. My Father clearly didn’t I’m also of the belief that my Parents do not accept my role as a Step Father, but I’M VERY STRICT on enforcing the rule that they HAVE TO ACCEPT IT. They HAVE TO ACCEPT MY STEP CHILDREN because they are apart of My Wife. I chose to spend the rest of my life with My Wife and did so knowing she had Children…..so I accepted them as well. I just didn’t expect my Parents to not be accepting of my situation, though I need them to…..I REALLY NEED THEM TO. Anyhow, Finally, after such a long story….my question is…….I’m SUPER LOYAL to MY WIFE. I Love her and our Family more than anything in this world. I don’t want to hurt or upset her……but I do need my Parents back…..and my Children need them back to……Am I wrong for wanting to have My Children visit My Parents? I am very sensitive to my Wife’s feelings and needs, I just think she might be reacting a little extreme here….What do you guys think?…..Can you please help? Any advice? Link to comment
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