I fell so lonely..

[Maike1998]

I am 19 years old and i feel like i am all alone.. i have been thinking about committing suicide since i am like 12

 

My life is just too hard..

My mom is sick.. for ages now.. i think for 14 years now.. its a miracle that shes still alive .. both her kidneys are not working anymore and she has to go to dialysis every second day

We aint got much money at all.. its hard to make it to the next month.. i am working too but i am still a student.. trying to get good grades

Theres so much pressure on me..

my dad doenst want to see me and my sister (24yo) ..the last time ive talked to him was like 11 years ago..

 

Nobody cares how i feel..

I used to have a lot of friens a year ago but my depressions got way harder.. and ive changed because of that.. cant laugh like before.. cant meer friends likfe before.. i am isolated

They were not able to manage my change and poof nobody is interested in me

Ive got a boyfriend for 4 year now.. st first i felt like he is saving my life. But now i fee like hes not loving me.. he says he does.. but the things he does .. they hurt me..

ive told my mom ,my family.. even 1-2 friends ,AND my boyfriend that i am too sad to live.. that i am not strong enough anymore.. i am just tired of life.. they did not take me serious.. like "oh no, well you are feeling just right now like this" my mom was like "its because of school" NOBODY taught about the fact that i could commit suicide ?

My boyfriend thinks i am overreacting.. the last time i was really "sad" he said i am annoying and that he thinks that this is so stupid and things like that..

 

I feel like beeing in sn empty room.. all the way dark.. cold.. alone.. trying to scream for help but nobody hears it.. ir over-hears it..

 

I canr handle this anymore

I want to scream "help me " like so many times before but i know nobody will recognize it.. i am just a teenager in a bad mood , right?

 

I am thinking about beinh dead.. it would me beautiful.. i dont want anyone to hurt me anymore..

 

Most people say "oh life is worth living " "it will be better one day"

 

Im tired if these words.. nothing is gonna be better.. people will continue hurting me.

Over and over again. I want it to stop

[Wolfshook]

Do you have any suicide hotline in your country? It might help if you talked to them.

 

Just remember, you are amazing for going through all of this! Dont ever give up! Things will get better in the future,even though it now looks like it's not going to end,but there is always light after dark.

[Maike1998]

Yes we do but i dont like to talk to strangers about this on the phone .. i feel awkward domehow

 

Thanks for your words

[LaHermes]

Maike. The people on the helpline are trained and will make very sure you do not feel awkward. You cannot imagine how much it will help. Please do it.

[Vexna]

Yes we do but i dont like to talk to strangers about this on the phone .. i feel awkward domehow

 

Thanks for your words

 

Could you be asian? Their culture is like that, "keep your problems to yourself"- kinda thing but that only contributes to the isolation. And that's why so many commit suicide. You really should make that call, you know..

[saluk]

"ive told my mom ,my family.. even 1-2 friends ,AND my boyfriend that i am too sad to live.. that i am not strong enough anymore.. i am just tired of life.. they did not take me serious.. like "oh no, well you are feeling just right now like this" my mom was like "its because of school" NOBODY taught about the fact that i could commit suicide ?

My boyfriend thinks i am overreacting.. the last time i was really "sad" he said i am annoying and that he thinks that this is so stupid and things like that.."

 

People don't want to be confronted with hard things if they don't have to. When a friend says "I think I want to die", it is natural to think "oh they are just overreacting" because facing the truth is too hard. They don't know how to deal with a depressed loved one; just as you don't know how to deal with BEING depressed. Most likely none of them are qualified to be able to understand what you are going through.

 

This is why talking with someone, on a hotline, or in therapy or counseling, is so important. Those people are trained to understand what you are going for; and they have met or heard from many other people who have been in situations like yours. So they are not afraid of the hard things like your friends or family are when you say those dark things. They EXPECT when you are talking to them that you are going to say dark or scary things.

 

You are not overreacting, it sounds like you have serious depression, and at the very least you need to be able to talk to someone about it who won't dismiss you.

 

I'm sorry that your experiences have been so painful. Good luck on your journey.