need clarity and advice on coworker crushing on me

[oyvey73]

i'm hoping to get some clarity on what my coworker may be thinking and what i should do. situation below.

 

my coworker has been interested in me off and on for about...nine months maybe? at first i thought he was just being friendly but with time realized he may be crushing on me. initially, it was just a couple casual nudges or light touching on the arm over group coffee or happy hour. i thought hmm interesting, but didn't think much of it at first. just was not on my radar.

 

before i go further i'll just say that i am not the most approachable toward guys. i'm pretty quiet, and a few men in the workplace have described me as 'classy' and 'elegant.' there are a few people in the office who have tried to hit on me, but i didn't give any of them a chance. likewise with this particular coworker until recently.

 

anyway. my radar started going off with this particular guy when he started to try talking to me more. he's a strictly business kinda guy with people (not UN-friendly, just pretty sreious) by the way. i felt it odd that he tried to strike a conversation with me more often. at times if i didn't see him or say hi to him in the morning, he would wave as he walked by to get my attention, or just walk by and sorta adjust his jacket/shirt on his way. at one point he tried to take me out on my birthday for a meal during work, but i declined by not answering the invite. sometimes when we would email at work he'd use work related things to try to get us to talk about it in person. one time at a company gathering we were chatting. i wanted to talk about something and couldn't remember all the details. so then he told me, 'if you remember, you can text me late in the evening.' um weird?

 

i found out he was dating someone so i clearly drew the line. didn't seem like he was into her but still, it's not fair for his girlfriend.

 

a few months passed, and i had the sense he was no longer seeing her. sure enough...

 

he started giving me attention again.this time a little more often and frequent. a couple times he would walk over to my seat to talk or borrow random things. when he came over he'd puff up his chest and look a little nervous. i started getting texts outside work on 'work stuff' (he is too cautious in handling me to go full on hitting on me even outside of work) a couple times. a couple times he complimented as being impressive/accomplished. a while back, i had to dress really nicely for a work function. the entire day i felt his eyes just burning through me when i wasn't looking. and that day the minute i left the office and headed to my car, he sent me a text about work. when he was away on leave he texted a couple times too (also work related).

 

sometimes he would take random things off my desk as an excuse to have me walk over to him to talk. and if he doesn't see or hear from me each day he will find some excuse to email me at work.

 

i was heading out of the office one day and he happened to leave around the same time. (not sure if it was coincidence or planned) on our way out together he sorta tried to figure out whether i was single.

 

i did notice that he's been 'playing cool' more recently. like, he's a very very alert guy and clearly has his eyes on me, but when i walk over to his area to talk (usually bc he won't answer my emails -- again to get me to walk over and talk face to face) he'll act like he didn't see me standing there for a few seconds then casually say 'oh, hi.' usually though when this happens, it just takes a couple minutes for him to put down his guard. and sometime i even see his eyes get very soft with me. and sometimes when he has enough courage he'll actually smile a BIG smile when i walk by and try to strike up a conversation. but i get so paranoid about other people around us, i just try to keep the conversation short.

 

at work gatherings he will NOT make eye contact with me, much less talk to me. it's very obvious. when he does talk to me or look at me, his eyes get very warm, deep, and soft and his voice gets gentle. he actually looks vulnerable at those moments. and a couple times i noticed he would let out a quiet sigh when i walked by.

 

he apparently gets jealous too. during lunch my coworker was telling me that this other guy on a different floor was into me. well he apparently was listening to the conversation. he went straight to bashing the other guy...

 

i dunno why but the texting has stopped. but he's emailing instead. maybe he felt like the texting made his intentions too obvious to me (he seems to handle me differently from other people and other women).

 

i emailed about work and suggested we grab coffee to talk about a project i'm doing outside of work for my business. i know he's clearly seen it but hasn't replied. interesstingly thoguh he still keeps the communication channel going. we have not 'talked' in a few days (gasp i know!): i think he's thinking too much about the coffee thing and is getting nervous; i on the other hand want to give him space so that he doesn't get overwhelmed. when i was sick he has checked up on me and asked if he could help in any way, and walked by a few times the section where i sit, seemingly to get my attention. if he wanted to cut things off i doubt he would have offered help. he just seems shier and more cautious now.

 

so it seems he still likes me but something is triggering this awkward behavior. the coffee invite maybe? with the playing cool thing he probably doesn't want to come off desperate now.

 

he's very much a 'planner' and carefully thinks things through before doing, so i don't think he's fumbling or in deep s**t situation. could it be my personality? like i said i'm not the most approachable with men (rbf face mastered). we're also coworkers so maybe that's an issue. but again, he's a planner. i don't think pushing things onto him will be smart. he seems to like a challenge and if i had made myself too available to him he would've lost interest already.

 

i am also concerned since we are coworkers. but, i also think workplace relationships aren't completely impossible if two people are level headed and mature about things. then again, i'm not completely sure i'm fully into him.

 

thoughts on this guy? and what to do here?

[SherrySher]

Mixing romance and the workplace is never a good idea and it can get very complicated and messy, especially if you break up.

[NotMonday]

Been there done that didn't work. Watched friends do this and it also almost always didn't work for them either. I'd use tons of caution if you are really interested.