Dealing with thoughts

[blndd]

How do I get it out of my head that I made my ex boyfriend's depression worse?

His family has a history of depression and something happened to him during our relationship that made him become clinically depressed (something not related to me) but near the end of the relationship he said my reactions to him not taking his medicine made him "feel worse". We would be skyping and he would remain quiet and tell me he didn't take his medicine and he would wait until the next day and me, knowing how that can f*** up your entire progress of taking the medication, was visibly upset. I read about being strong for the person and I really was, but there are moments where I feel like I could have been stronger. I know there wasn't anything I could do and he was the one who was in control, but I wish I was more of a support for him.

 

Now I don't even know if he is still struggling. He went cold turkey off of his medication I heard. I'm just afraid that now he's going to associate me with his depression and hate me even though I did nothing but support him and love him. Damn. I hate this.

 

What also is bad is that his sister believes that he only broke up with me because he was in a depression state and feeling like he didn't care for anything at all, causing the breakup. She stated that she sometimes believes that she has fallen out of love with her boyfriend of three years but knows its the depression so she doesn't act upon that feeling.

I don't know. Me thinking this seems like a way to hold on to the relationship and believe he will some day return saying he was wrong, but then again, I know I can't do anything about it if that does happen. Which sucks, because I'm still in love with him.

[Jeetsun]

It's normal to second guess the efforts that were put forth in a relationship after it has ended. There's nothing you can do about it now other than realize it's over. It's not worth beating yourself up about, nothing good will come out of doing that. It sounds like he was starting to realize that it wasn't in either of your best interests to continue the relationship when he didn't have the energy and love to put into it due to his depression based on what his sister told you.

 

Be kind to yourself and don't hold onto to any chance that he may come back, this will halt any progress you make moving forward.

[itsMASKtime]

sadly .. you have to move forward.. let time pass .. it sounds like he's going thru a lot right now . it's not a good time for you to be around him at the moment

[limichelle]

Don't ever blame yourself for his emotions. I had horrible guilt from my ex dealing with his severe depression. I thought it was my fault as well.

 

You can't put all of this relationship on you and carry him. Trust me! It will drag you emotionally down.

 

Best to leave him be and realize you are only in control of you so there is no way you should feel guilty about someone who is in control of their own emotions.

 

 

Lisa