Feeling unmotivated in relationships

[jmann45]

Hello, I am a 23 year old male, introvert, going to school, working, had hobbies ect. Ive noticed that when I get into a relationship, i start to lose my want and determination to life, which then goes to me looking insecure and looking like someone who just doesnt have his life together. It only happens when I get into a commited relationship. Mayhbe 3-4 months down the line. I start finding everything my partner does as "annoying" and childish. I lose my motivation to go to the gym, to work on my car, to play my guitar, ect.. I mainly just go to work (which i find boring at this point.. and dont want to do that either) and come home and eat snacks and sleep. And hang out with my significant other and do activities that I find boring. To clarify this last part i just said, in the beginning of the relationship I feel like doing everything, such as taking them traveling with me, hiking, eating out, going to the gym ect. All these activities i enjoy doing with them. And that is what initially attracts the girl to me in my opinion. I have so much fun and a great time. But down the line, 5 months out, i dont want to do anything. I dont want to drive there, i dont want to pick her up anymore, i dont want to go out.. ect. I just want to stay in my little town and if she wants, she can come here. She lives about 20 mins from me, which isnt a problem at all. I just dont put in the effort like i used to.

 

I am in a relationship now and am starting to feel this way. And i have now noticed that this happens in every relationship. Its annoying and makes my partner like me less. Which is completely understandable. I havent gone to the gym in over a month and have gained about 10 pounds from sitting around. Im not motivated to do anything. She has tried new things out like buy lingerie, take me to new places, ect. But im just bored. Dont want to do anything. Is there a cure for this or is this normal? Does this happen to you guys sometimes? Why does it happen? Im just confused.

[Capricorn3]

Sounds like you're much better suited to living a single life and there's certainly nothing wrong with that. Single, free and happy. Embrace it.

[jmann45]

Im also starting to think that.. but when im single for a while, I start wanting a platonic relationship with someone.. which only lasts so long until she catches feelings or cant handle it.

 

Relationships seem to just drain me out after a certain amount of time .. around 3-4 months.

[Capttrae]

Nothing wrong with being single. If you want a platonic relationship why not just get a dog?

[SadSadgirl]

It sounds like you only like the excitement of relationships, and not the calmness that comes after it. Maybe you should spend some time to yourself, and someone worthwhile will come your way. This is very common, especially in young people. If you're feeling bored and unmotivated because of a relationship, is it really worth staying?

[jmann45]

It sounds like you only like the excitement of relationships, and not the calmness that comes after it. Maybe you should spend some time to yourself, and someone worthwhile will come your way. This is very common, especially in young people. If you're feeling bored and unmotivated because of a relationship, is it really worth staying?

 

Being alone forever sounds bad too. But i think you're right. If i spend some time to myself, do you think that this will stop happening in future relationships? I took the year 2014 off and was single all year, including some of 2015, and started to go into allitle bit of depression from being relationship-less for that long. And that's when i started dating again..

[jmann45]

Broke up with her last night by telling her that i needed a break from all of the overwhelming stress that this relationship has caused me. I told her that relationships are not suppose to feel this way and that were 2 different people. Im sure she got the hint. I told her to go do her own thing and im gonna go do mine. And that a relationship just isnt for me right now.

[Jibralta]

Is there a cure for this or is this normal? Does this happen to you guys sometimes? Why does it happen? Im just confused.

 

When you first get into a relationship, your hormones do most of the driving. A lot of people believe they are in love during this stage. But these hormones start to wear off after the first 2 - 6 months, and that's when a lot of relationships tend to fizzle out.

[jmann45]

When you first get into a relationship, your hormones do most of the driving. A lot of people believe they are in love during this stage. But these hormones start to wear off after the first 2 - 6 months, and that's when a lot of relationships tend to fizzle out.

 

What happens after this? After the relationship fizzles out, are those 2 suppose to force it? What is there to drive the relationship forward even more? Forcing yourself to go on fun dates because everythings "fizzled

out"? or is that the point when you realize if you really like the person or not?

[Jibralta]

What happens after this? After the relationship fizzles out, are those 2 suppose to force it? What is there to drive the relationship forward even more? Forcing yourself to go on fun dates because everythings "fizzled

out"? or is that the point when you realize if you really like the person or not?

 

It really depends on what you are looking for. Fun? A partnership? Not everyone is interested in marriage or long term relationships. There's no reason to "force it" with anyone.

[Kilkeny]

I know exactly what you mean and inam 37 now with 4 kids but since my divorce (even felt that way married)  i literally hate relationships and suffer more then benefit because tgere seems to be a switch and there is nothing i can do about it. Im in a relationship now but literally always trying to destroy or end us because i get so drained and depressed sensation. I am a personal trainer and i lost all clients and pretty much everything due to silly decisions against my gut! Nothing wrong with him although hes so insecure possessive and pretty lazy.. 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Kilkeny said:

I know exactly what you mean and inam 37 now with 4 kids but since my divorce .

Thanks for updating after 4 years. Hopefully you'll see a physician about your depression.