One huge bug toxic mess

[XLR8]

Okay guys this is gonna be a long story full of ups and downs, full of toxic behavior, and tons of red flags.

The reason i am posting ny story in here is because i dont want to confide all of this to anyone i know personally and to just get it off my chest and maybe so some young people like me to just know when to call it quits and let go , its an incredibly hard thing to do but trust me it is worth it.

 

The beginning of this story begins at my workplace i have been single for awhile and im the type of guy that doesn't useually break on my morals and values as i was raised to believe in old fashioned morals and beliefs, so finding a girl my age ( at the time 19 ) to suit me was far and inbetween.

 

This co worker tells me that she has a cousin who is 23 who really needs a good guy in her life and she would really like her to find someone. So this coworker shows her cousin a picture of me and she finds me attractive i add her on fb and get her snapchat and we begin talking.

 

I figure out quickly that her cousin is a party girl and her nature seems a bit weird to me and she seemed unresponsive anyways so i cut contact.

A few weeks later the co worker asked what happened and i tell her that her cousins behavior was weird and i wasent really interested in how she was and come to find her her cousin said i was also weird and that was that.

 

About 2 weeks later i get a message from her cousin saying weirdo lol and I messaged back to figure out why she thought i was weird and for some reason this time around we started hitting it off things seem to be going nicely and i ask her on a date things go well i kiss her and she goes home .

 

Well after that she talks to me and seems interested but makes up excuses and never really seems interested in hanging out one day i notice a comment on her profile from a guy that says " have a good day beautiful " i find this suspicious and givin my low tolerance nature i cut contact and dont like the idea of being played she goes crazy from this messages me around 20 times and finally i tell why i quit talking to her she uses the " i cant help it because some guy i used ro work with posts stuff on my wall" i think about it and say well i know how some guys are and overlook it ( which i find out in the future was a lie she was talkinf to him before me and she apparently stopped when she met me and didn't tell me the truth because of my reaction and she knew I wouldn't have continued if she told me the truth)

 

Anyways we go on a second date to a superbowl party she gets drunk which this is the first real party ive been too she apparently is very used to this and is normal i end up drivinf her home and spendinf the night i dont know what caused me to do it but i end up loosing my v card to this girl and staying the night i wake up feeling very attracted to her and find myself not wanting to leave like most guys do after awx so i ask her to be my gf and she agrees

 

She ends up getting a job where i work and everything seems great i start staying alot of nights at her place lots of sex , sharing and just really getting to know eachother her past is extremely crazy and full of toxic and self destructive behavior she has partied every day for almost 3 years straight , done drugs with an ex of hers and just done such horrible stuff that im not gonna mention i cant believe

 

I being infatuated with her i guess you coukd say and this new wild and free experience overlook everything and believe her when she says she done with all that and just wants to settle down and have a normal life , i end up spending so much time with her i let her talk me i to moving in with her its all good at first but littlw by little i feel homesick of my stable home where everything qas calm and i wasn't pressured and having to live up to what she wants and her fast paced relationship style I eventually get overwhelmed and move out when she starts talking about if we truly love eachother it doesn't matter when we get married and all that.

 

I go back home she is greatly hurt and feels betrayed but we dont break up i end up giving in to her paying a deposit on a 400 apartment and living with her somwhere closwr to our work and my home i think well she is moving fast and wants to marry me and all of that she must really love and want a future with me but agian little by little her pushiness and clingy and wild behavior makes me just be distant and want space she ends up wanting to have a bit if fun one night ( she hasn't partied since being with me) and buys some vodka and starts drinking

 

At first she is okay hapoy having fun but the more she drinks the faster her mood shifts she started crying like crazy talking about how i dont really love her ans how she will mever get married i try and calm her down but at this point im getting fed up and start getting hateful ( i felt like i was dealing with a child when she was older than me) she ends up trying to cut herself and keeps hoing on about how i dont love her i finally get her into the bath hide all sharp objects take her cloths off and she vomits all over herself and everywhere im here being extremely turned off by this girl and thinking what have i gotten myself into i finally manage to get her clean dress her and get her into bed and pass out with my arms around her exhausted

 

She wakes up acts like everything is normal and cooks me breakfast i decide later than night im moving out she can keep the apartment for however long o pid it up for i just want out .

 

I end up moving out which affects her badly and i still hold guilt over it she doesnt wanna stay by herseld so she has to move in with her aunt and two younger cousins she looses pretty much all of her stuff her cats because she has no where else to go and i feel horrible but feel like theres no way i cant live happily with her but young stupid ne doesnt end things because i do care for her and love her despite all of her crazy behavior and we still stay together but which i should have know she would hold resentment towards me

 

I pull away bug tine barely talk to her for a week and become distant this deives her crazy she becomes clingy and i just dont want to be around her for the period i wanted soace to have time to get back to myself after ny soace i come back feeling better but now she is the one beinng distabt and cold

 

Of course this drives me crazy and i do everything i can to keep her make promises i know i cant keep and what not but she just tells me im immature i need to grow up , and i need a 16 year old girl instead of a woman , this breakup drags on with ny feelinn sad and hurt and wondering what in the workd happened to the girl the was obseeezed with me and eanted to live with me and marry doesnt want to anymore eventually i find out being around her cousins who are young and 16 who party and sleep around and everything and misses her old lifestyle and got bored of our relationship

 

I asked her i thought you said you was done with partying and wanted to setlle down and have a normal life and she said i change my mind ill stop partying whenever i have kids , we go back and forth in contact and i keep making things worse because I JUST COULDENT LET GO ! i end up havibg to see her every day at work then after work buying booze and goibg out partying and sleeping around

 

The girl the was head over heels with me crazy about me and wanted to marry and commit to life with me now wants to party sleep around and do what her young cousins are doing

 

And it hurt me greatly I dident blame her as much as i did myself i caused it actubg the way i did wouldn't commit moved out on her and couldn't accept how she was but i realize its both out faults mine for the way i acted and hers for the way she acted it wasn't a healthy and sustainable relationship its was toxic full of red flags and everything would have just been alot easier if we would have called it quits early on.

 

I still work with her , she for whatever reason tries to upset me , make me jealous, hurt me emotionally , and acts as if she hates me and she holds such resentment towards me she has to get even i guess i however am at the point it doesnt bother me , it was toxic harmful and we aren't meant fir eachother and we shouldn't have tried to fit together for so long im future oriented and she focuses on a good tine and having fun cant make two puzzle peices fit together that aren't meant to , i lost my virginity to her and this was my first serious relationship and it has shown me alot , i cant say I regret it because it made me mature , grow up, and see how things really are in life , but i would have wished id ended things sooner , anyone who is in a toxic relationship right now just end it i know it seems like they treat you like your the moon and the stars and your happy to have someone care about you like that but you know in your heart if its gonna work and dragging it on only hurts the both of you and makes things worse and causes hard feelings .

 

Thank you to whoever takes the time to read rhis wall of text with my horrendous typeing skills, just wanted to tell my story get some insight and maybe help some people who may be in a situation like i was.

[JustinPonders]

You guys are simply not compatible. You're only attracted to her because she was unpredictable and seductive. But the problem with women like these is that they're dangerous and very corruptive. Again, you're addicted to her seductiveness and unpredictability. It feels good because it makes you feel alive. Unfortunately it's extremely unhealthy and very dangerous. You see how you're feeling? You thought you could handle the snake, but you finally got bit. Dude, stay away from her. She's bad news. Yes, it's extremely difficult because of the addiction nature of it but at this point you have no choice. She's just not for you. Block her from existence and move on. Date someone normal dude. Trust me, I went through the same mess. Good luck.