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I try to stay positive about my chances with my ex, but sometimes it's good to be shot in the foot with a dose of realism. If you want to read the whole torrid affair it's available through my profile (warning: I write novels), but I'll give the basics here.

 

My ex broke things off in February after more than three years of a good/great relationship (save for a few months near the end). We had some very minor disagreements (usually he would fall off on contact because of work stress/LDRness and I'd call him on it or vice versa) but no actual fights until after we broke up. We've been friends since we were 11 and have always had a really good friendship and just gotten on swimmingly. Even now that we're broken up, we still finish each others' thoughts and jokes. It has recently come to light that we both had the same immediate reaction to breaking up: texting/calling all of our mutual friends and our families and telling them to take care of the other, only to pester our poor friends for details on the other's well-being thereafter.

 

We had a meeting last week that was explicitly to talk about what went wrong. On my side, there were two things: my birth control made me crazy (true story) and I wasn't able to move down to his city and resolve the LDR (we're about two hours away from each other and would see each other anywhere from every week to every 4 weeks depending on our schedules). He revealed during the conversation that he had begun to feel like seeing me was a chore (which I think is related to the BC craziness; he's unsure why but agrees that could be it) and that he was afraid that it was just going to get worse until we stood no chance at salvaging anything.

 

He also revealed last week that he has missed me terribly, that he was an absolute wreck until a few weeks ago, that he's still immensely physically attracted to me, and that he has never written off us getting back together someday. I was surprised at all of these confessions, especially because I didn't ask leading questions or anything. He just came out and said this stuff. He did say that he's not dating or intending to date anyone at the moment, and seemed surprised (maybe a little hurt?) that I was on a dating site and had been on a date.

 

We're both on the same page at the moment in that we don't feel that jumping back into a relationship right now would be a good idea. I suggested that we do what we did to get into the relationship in the first place: start hanging out more without the mutual friends around, keep in closer touch via text, and see if any feelings regrow. He agreed to that, but said he's still not sure if we're meant to be in a relationship or if we're better off as close friends. We then spent the rest of the night catching ourselves flirting, and we kept finding excuses to get closer to each other at our friend's house. The night ended with a lingering hug.

 

And that's where we are now. We spent about six hours together that night (three alone, three with a friend), saw each other for a further two hours the next night with our group, and have texted here and there. We both agree that we want to hang out again in the nearish and do stuff like finishing our Netflix show (two freaking episodes left in the season when we broke up!) and playing Pokemon Go, but right now our schedules ain't gonna allow that.

 

So, ENA, this is where I invite you to come in with your ice buckets and douse me in reality. What are the chances that this will actually develop into a relationship again? I'm not holding out waiting for him and honestly will be fine if we decide that we're better off as friends, but I still dwell on this.

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It seems like you have a very good thing going that ended because of one simple reason LDR stress.

 

If you guys can handle/fix that, I'm sure you can be happy.

 

Him being jealous of you going on a date is a good sign that he has feelings for you.

Evaluate that, consider the LDR and what you're ready to do about that and decide.

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It seems like you have a very good thing going that ended because of one simple reason LDR stress.

 

If you guys can handle/fix that, I'm sure you can be happy.

 

Him being jealous of you going on a date is a good sign that he has feelings for you.

Evaluate that, consider the LDR and what you're ready to do about that and decide.

 

I will definitely admit that the LDR is a conundrum. I had been applying (and interviewing!) for jobs in his neck of the woods for well over a year before I got one in the "wrong" direction, and he seems unwilling to move up here despite all of his family and all of his non-work friends being up here. I'm okay with trying to move down there, but I always felt a little jaded by the fact that he wanted me to be with him but only in his place.

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I will definitely admit that the LDR is a conundrum. I had been applying (and interviewing!) for jobs in his neck of the woods for well over a year before I got one in the "wrong" direction, and he seems unwilling to move up here despite all of his family and all of his non-work friends being up here. I'm okay with trying to move down there, but I always felt a little jaded by the fact that he wanted me to be with him but only in his place.

 

Totally understand that.

It's like you're doing all the effort, right?

 

That's something that needs to be discussed and figured out between the two of you so it doesn't lead to resentments down the line.

 

From what you told me, that's the biggest problem...but imagine you move to his city/place and he finds another excuse?

You need to make sure his heart is true when it comes to you.

 

Really think it through.

I'm a romantic and I hope it works out. I also believe in 2nd chances, but I hope you don't get your heart broken a 2nd time.

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Thanks, Rusty. The plan for me to move to him made sense at the time because he had a good job down there and I was doing grad school online and only had a couple of part-time jobs to tie me down. It made no sense to make him drop his settled-in existence. Now, though, I have a decent job and my own friend base. It definitely complicates things a bit.

 

Also, I had a major personality shift that I think would have driven us apart. I'm not joking when I said I went crazy on BC; I was so depressed and angry 100% of the time, and that was a big factor in us falling apart. It's been resolved, so hopefully we wouldn't be faced with those issues now.

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I had a LDR and in the end my ex was not willing to compromise. Though he admits he lives far enough south that people won't visit him. He has very little friend base to begin with. Really no close friends. His family, sons and grandkids all live in another state. He's semi retired and will be officially retired by the end of the year. He admits he's lonely there but he loves his house.

 

On the other hand, I have a full time job that requires me to commute, my grown sons are close by (one currently lives with me) I have large social circle, pets, I moved my 83 yr old mother near me and I own my own home.

In the end he said he wouldn't leave his house and loves where he lives. I considered moving his way. His home is phenomenal. . but it's just a house. It's a material thing that in the end doesn't matter.

I hope it keeps him warm at night.

 

I often don't believe it has to do with the obstacles that we throw in front of us.

If we really wanted to be together, we'd make it happen.

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