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Ex-fiancee contacting me for Reconciliation...13 years later


askdan

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Very few of you reading this now will remember what brought me here in 2004 - the breakup with my fiancee after 5 years. I was beyond devastated and thsi web site was my crutch.

 

Got married with another woman in 2008, divorced in 2016. Ex-fiancee whom I haven't seen since 2004 recently reached out, and after a few conversations, has offered reconciliation.

 

Just sharing this in hoping that it will give some hope to those who need it. Ex also told me that when she saw me moving on, getting married etc. - she regretted it and was her worse mistake.

 

She also said that she always loved me during those 13 years and the love never went away.

 

I am not suggesting that you should wait around 13 years for a reconciliation, but time does change a lot of things - and it seems to me that the love never really dies...just gets buried.

 

Never give up hope, but don't wait around for years. Just know that reconciliation is always a possibility years down the road, even if the person you love is acting hostile to you right now, you'd be surprised at what a few years can do.

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4 years ago, in February of 2004, I registered on this Web site because I desperately needed support. My ex-girlfriend, with whom I was with for over 5 years, decided that she was no longer happy and decided to leave and break off the engagement.

 

Let's now fast-forward to June 2008. She has gained 40 pounds, was once a 10 on the beauty scale, but is now obese, still single, all of her girlfriends are getting married, so last week she decides to call me out of the blues.

 

I must say that in 2004, I worked very hard at a potential reconciliation but she never wanted to do anything with me. All I was getting in return were humiliating insults.

 

When she called last week, I told her that I am now married, then her tone of voice became sad and she decided to end the conversation a few minutes later.

 

What happens next ? According from very reliable sources (some mutual friends that we have), she goes to my Web site, is shocked at how beautiful and successful my wife is (she is a young medical doctor that looks like a supermodel), then blows a jealous fit, starts making racist comments about her, starting rumours, calling me names, and getting obsessive-compulsive.....and this after 4 years of silent treatment and she kept talking negatively behind my back non-stop for the past week now.

 

So, to those of you who are asking the same questions over and over again on these forums: "Does she still loves me?" "does she care about me?" or "Why is she ignoring me" etc.

 

Trust me, the less you care about them, sooner or later (years in some rare cases), they ALWAYS call back. Why ? It an unknown law of the universe.

 

Tonight, I learned that she is all alone, crying and calling her girlfriends on their cell phones and becoming hysterical. They are all saying: "I thought you didn't love him or care about him, that he was a jerk, a loser" etc...etc...

 

Really not trying to burst your bubble here but why does she want you now? She still single and lonely? Why do you want her? Are you sure you're not walking into a disaster?

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Never give up hope, but don't wait around for years. Just know that reconciliation is always a possibility years down the road, even if the person you love is acting hostile to you right now, you'd be surprised at what a few years can do.

 

So. . have you successfully reconciled? And if so, for how long?

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No progress with the ex wife. I respect her, we are simply back in good terms, we are connected on Skype, but don't never communicate. Our last contact was in late April. No planning on contacting her, I am with the No Contact. I still harbor a lot of resentment. Eventually she will take the initiative to communicate, but I won't be the one who takes the first step.

 

In my 25-year of relationship history, it's always the same pattern. Girl leaves, I try to get her back, 2-3 years later I move on, find a new woman who is younger and sexier, ex becomes jealous and regrets the breakup, etc. I will be reaching 3 years on the 4th of July since she announced me the divorce...over e-mail.

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My experience is ex's almost always come out of woodwork at some point in time.

I wouldn't consider it a possible reconciliation, even though they might think otherwise.

It's often loneliness, nostalgia, regret, boredom, or just plain curiosity.

Reconciliation is a massive leap and the odds are very slim

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My experience is ex's almost always come out of woodwork at some point in time.

I wouldn't consider it a possible reconciliation, even though they might think otherwise.

It's often loneliness, nostalgia, regret, boredom, or just plain curiosity.

Reconciliation is a massive leap and the odds are very slim

 

Sometimes though you meet the right person at the wrong time and it works better 8-10 years down the line.

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Sometimes though you meet the right person at the wrong time and it works better 8-10 years down the line.

 

I think that can be true and I've seen it once before in a friend because they were so young and they've matured now and got back together years down the line. But i think it's really really rare.

 

The reason i think that is because i think the wrong time and the right person is a bit of a fallacy. Realistically, most people wouldn't give up the opportunity of a person they love just for the sole reason that it's bad timing. I think the 'wrong time' is often just a poor excuse, and really means 'I want to see if there's anything better out there first before I commit myself'.

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I think that can be true and I've seen it once before in a friend because they were so young and they've matured now and got back together years down the line. But i think it's really really rare.

 

The reason i think that is because i think the wrong time and the right person is a bit of a fallacy. Realistically, most people wouldn't give up the opportunity of a person they love just for the sole reason that it's bad timing. I think the 'wrong time' is often just a poor excuse, and really means 'I want to see if there's anything better out there first before I commit myself'.

 

Sometimes yes, but not all the time and 13 years is a long time to see what else is out there

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