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Hi All. My boyfriend and I have been together for the past 18 months and have been living together for about 11 months. There has been a considerate amount of turmoil in our relationship regarding my boyfriend's ex wife since day one. The most current issue being that she made over $7,000 worth of purchases on a joint account the two of them had prior to their divorce and he is now responsible to pay the debt if she cops out. My boyfriend had been under the impression that all joint accounts had been closed after the divorce, but this balance appeared on his credit report back in January. It is still not resolved. In fact, even after numerous requests from me to address the issue and even a pretty ugly disagreement a few weeks ago, he did not successfully communicate with her about this until yesterday. If my ex were to do this I would be furious and would contact him immediately asking him to transfer the debt to his own account, but my boyfriend apparently didn't feel the same way. Last fall I suggested that he ask his ex to forward his child support payments to their daughter for college expenses, as she lived in a dorm and no longer resided at home. She refused and said that she needed the money for herself to get by. He did not press the issue and told me he felt sorry for her. The ex, who earns over $85K a year, then refuses to follow through on her agreed portion of college tuition, leaving my boyfriend to assume all expenses. I then pushed him again to try to convince her to pay for her agreed portion and he was livid. He allows her to manipulate him and this angers me. In all these instances, he isn't upset with her. He is angry with me. All of these disagreements do not necessarily revolve around money. There is also a lot of tension regarding his correspondence with her. He never shares it with me unless asked, which makes me feel suspicious and uneasy. Also, I had moved into the home he shared with his ex and there were still a lot of knick knacks she left behind. I asked to remove a vase on one of the shelves and he did not want me to move it. I later found out it was a gift he had given her. He claims there are not sentimental attachments to these objects, but even after we moved to another home, he wanted to display pieces he had purchased with/for her. He has never given me a sentimental gift. Maybe he just doesn't have the right feelings for me for us to carry on. I have expressed how hurt I am about all of these instances and how I feel he is not over her....how I feel 2nd rate, but I am told I am overreacting. What is your take?

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A considerable amount of turmoil since day one and you stuck around? I think you are right. There are some lingering feelings and/or your bf is a pushover. Unlikely that any of this will change within your relationship. You accepted it on day 1. Kind of seems like his finances and child support or whatever are his business. Unless you plan on marrying into permanent turmoil if he isn't concerned, no reason to work yourself up over it. With this guy you can take him as-is or walk, is the way I see it. Looks like you're selling yourself short though.

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He could benefit from talking to a lawyer about the money issue and college costs for his daughter. I think he's still hung up on his ex wife. You also moved in way too soon with him and now you are getting a better picture of what life is with him and his life with the ex. You have to detach yourself from their issues or move on.

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