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Hi Everyone


I went through a really devastating break up in April last year, I had been with this guy for 9 years and lived together for 8 of those. I naively thought it was forever and never thought I would be single again especially now (just turned 37) we were never engaged nor did we have a baby but I never worried about it because I assumed we were on the same page and it would happen eventually. He was the one who ended things, suddenly and I haven't seen him (his choice) since the day our relationship ended, he told me it was better that we didn't see each other again and simply walked away leaving me heartbroken and confused. I feel like he has taken away my trust and faith in love. I really don't want to feel this way but that's the reality, I feel as though he has taken my chance of falling in love, getting married and having a baby, like this is the end for me. I just can't believe I wasted so many years on someone who I thought I could trust and who I thought would be with always. I have reached a point where I would like to at least try and date but I feel so self concious about my age. Am I crazy to think I could meet someone who hasn't yet been married or had a baby? I also feel so much pressure as I know I don't want a serious relationship right now but I'm at an age when I really don't have time to wait (as my friends keep reminding me) any advice would be much appreciated xx

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I'm very sorry to hear about your sudden breakup after 9 years. It takes a lot of courage to pick up and get to a place where you feel ready to date again - you should be very proud of yourself for that.

It can be hard when friends and family remind you of things you are painfully aware of. Is a family and children in your future plans? I will say please don't worry about dating at 37. I'm only a year behind you, and many of my friends are single, enjoying themselves, and meeting quality people out there. The places you might look are different at our age, and it can be daunting if you've been out of the dating pool for so long, but age doesn't matter as long as you've got confidence and a positive outlook. Good luck out there!

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First of all 37 is NOT old! If you had said you were 67.......


Of course you could meet someone who has not been married. All of the younger set in my/our families were into their thirties when they married (for the first time).


However, a word of caution, do not marry just anyone because you feel under a time constraint, or because of your friends. Not great friends are they, if they keep bugging you instead of encouraging you. What do they think? That you should stand in the middle of the street and grab the first lad that comes along lol.

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I have reached a point where I would like to at least try and date but I feel so self concious about my age

You're wiser, more successful and a great catch. And while you may feel you "wasted" 8 years, think instead how much fun you had and how much you learned. You're and even better woman for the next lucky guy! Never stress about your age - it's all in your head.


And I'm sorry about your break up. But it's good you've decided to start dating again

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I am so sorry about your sudden, unexpected breakup. I have been there, and it royally sucks.


That being said, I was divorced for the 3rd time at age 40. I thought I'd never find a date again. I mean, who would want to date a 40 year-old triple divorcee?


So, I put together a nice online profile, and guess what....many, many, many men wanted to date that woman. Hundreds. I got engaged after that (didn't last), had boyfriends, was taken to Paris, and had many great adventures. Nice, good-looking, successful, stable men.


Please don't think that at 37 you are over any type of hill. I assure you, you are not.


Take your appropriate grieving time, and polish up some nice photos and put together a nice Tinder and Bumble profile. And start swiping right.

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No no no no! I'm 36,single and loving it! I used to feel that pressure about kids, eventually figured out I don't want any most likely, but that's just me. If I would want kids in the future, there are many other ways than actually conceiving, not to mention the fact that it's a lot easier than the past to conceive even after forty.


You are just afraid because of the unknown and Ofc your circle isn't helping. Please keep in mind that dating at this age is faster because most of us already know why we want. They call us picky, but we just know what we don't like, that's it. Sue us!


So, relax, take some time to heal, to enjoy your single life and figure out who you are without your ex. 9 years is a long time!

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  • 1 month later...

I'm going through the exact same thing right now. I was with him for several years. We broke up only a week ago. He ended it. Its still so fresh that I'm so overly sensitive, I pretty much cry all night.

But I'm 37 years old and spent a good chunk of my 30's with this person. We never married didn't have kids and I was ok with that. I don't want to be married but kids weren't completely off the table. And right now as I read your story I'm thinking I know exactly what your thinking about the future. We aren't old but we aren't young. We've spent a good amount of time with our ex's and it feels like time passed so quickly and we're now 37 with no one to love, children included. I go through bouts of agressive thoughts thinking of how he stole years of my life. A period of time where I could have met someone else to share my life with and start a family. I get so angry and upset at how I completely trusted him, I felt so safe with him and he took that away from me.

There is no way I want a new relationship right now. I still want him. So I'm forced to wait until I'm healed THEN put myself out there to meet someone. That's such a long time from now. And who knows when love will find me? And don't get me started about the dating scene for people our age-gross.

I'm frustrated for you just as much as I'm frustrated for myself. I wish we could wake up tomorrow and have no residual feelings from our heartbreak and meet the most incredible person to move forward in life with. Being single sucks. I wish I had positive words for you. The only thing I can say is that I know exactly how you feel, you aren't alone. I really hope you find someone you can trust and love and I hope I do too-before it's too late to have kids!

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