Important event coming up that I need your input on

[JustinPonders]

(((This paragraph is not important, bonus material)))

Before I get to my point I just wanted to mention that yesterday I had an amazing moment. Albeit it was brief and I knew it would be because it's happened before where I eventually settled in self-pity, but I enjoyed that short moment nevertheless. So unfortunately my job as a driver gives me plenty of time to think and a-thinkin' is all I do. It's automatic. And of course what do I think of 75% of the time? You guessed it, ex. I dread driving now because I know where my thinking always goes. Anyway, I was feeling really good yesterday, just before my shift. I worked out, groomed myself nicely, dressed nice. I was feeling attractive and confident. Then I get into my car and started driving. And while I was driving I kept thinking to myself, "Wow, I'm actually feeling awesome! This feels like my old self!" I was soaking in everything around me with a genuine smile. I was so happy. Haven't felt like this in a long, long time I'll be honest. But, I knew in the back of my head it was only going to last a short period before I sunk back into my deep thoughts of ex. And that is exactly what happened after 2 hours. I mean I wasn't as bad as before but needless to say I got back to my normal, somber mood which really irritated me. What is the point of me saying this? Well, I suppose I at least enjoyed a good 2 hours of peace and liberation. Now if I can just feel this way throughout my day, 7 days a week, haha

 

(((This is the point of the thread)))

I need your advice on a somewhat important subject matter. Next month I'm invited to a party. My ex's sister and fiance will be there. I get along with them very well. I know for a fact that my ex's sister will eventually approach me and start fishing for information. And I know for a fact she'll start asking me about my personal life like if I'm dating yada, yada, yada. And what I'm especially nervous about is her talking about my ex in some form or fashion. She did last time and the time before that when I seen her. Obviously I'm still very much in love with my ex so I really don't want to hear anything about her. I never bring her up and try to steer the conversation away from it as best as I can. I've even stopped going on facebook because now my ex is friends with my brothers wife again and is liking her posts. So that started raising my hopes up not to long ago and I fell into depression over thinking it all.

 

So my question is how should I handle my ex's sister if she starts asking me about my romantic department like whether or not I'm dating or have a love interest? Should I lie to her? Be honest with her and say I've been a lonely loser lately lol? Also, what I'm most afraid of is if she brings up my ex again. The sheer terror of her telling me she's involved with someone might tear me to pieces. I mean if I feel it going the slightest in that direction I'll try to deflect it the best I can but if it's unexpected or unavoidable how should I handle it? I'll be honest her sister for sure, 100% is going to tell my ex every word I utter. I want to sound good, confident. Even if I have to lie lol. I know this is me pinning on some hope but I don't care, it's all I got atm so I need to make the best of this situation. Most of why I want to make sure my ex hears good things about me is that because I lost so much of my dignity and respect in her eyes and because I still love her and I'm not gonna lie, what she thinks of me is still very important, sadly. Nothing I can do about this for the time being. I just have to roll with the punches until I hopefully, eventually find my way to leave her behind. Until then what would you guys suggest? What should I say? How should I act? I have a good idea but I need other's input as comparison. Please, please help me out here ena friends!

 

Thank you!

[boltnrun]

Deflect the sister to a question about herself.

 

When I don't want to discuss something, I give a non-committal answer ("Oh, yeah, things are good. So, did you two end up buying that house/taking that trip/start that new job?"). And if she starts in on your ex, just say "I hope she's doing well. So, how's the new job/house/vacation/puppy?"

 

And I hope you're not going to spend the next month worrying about this party!

[Careerchoice]

Those periods of good feelings will get longer and more frequent as time passes. That will just happen automatically.

 

You should block your ex on Facebook. You should also skip this party and avoid places where she or her circle will be until you heal up a bit more. If you do go and get asked these questions, deflect them. But again, it's still best if you do something else that day/night.

[reinventmyself]

A respectful `If it's just the same, I'd rather not discuss my dating life, nor am I comfortable about hearing about hers. I hope you understand'

Then change the subject.

[EternalOptimis]

I'm with CareerChoice on this one. If you're " still very much in love" with your ex then you need to go full NC. That includes mutual friends who are likely to bring her up.

Whether you wish to be back together but she doesn't or realise you're ultimately better off apart, you need to close that door buddy so you can properly move on.

Good luck.

[JustinPonders]

She has me blocked from fb. I told her to after I stupidly broke NC just over 2 months ago. Party is unavoidable. So how should I behave when I get to speakin' with my ex's sister, especially if she asks me how I been, which really translates to "have you been dating?" I want to sound confident because like I said the word will get back to my ex. I at least want my ex to know I'm not so hung up on her, even though I am. I just don't want her to know this. Yes, I know this is all me pinning my hopes on her but just indulge me please. This party will probably be the last time I see my ex's sister for a long time so I want to make it count.

[EternalOptimis]

I was walking along the river a few days ago and bumped into one of her good friends. I reflexively stopped and said a quick hello and she of course saw my date but though I don't hope she tells the ex, I really don't care.

Dating again is not a victory. It no more tells the ex you're not thinking about them than being busy at work or redecorating your house. Don't be too hung up on how you come across, and as someone already suggested, just turn any questions around to be about her sister.

You're doing just fine in yourself

[boltnrun]

I gave you suggestions on how to reply in my post earlier.

[Bob2526]

I skipped a really good friend's wedding a couple months ago to avoid the ex. I felt bad because we are good friends but he understood because my ex was going to be there and my healing had been progressing. Looking back now I regret not going but at the same time I still feel I wasn't ready to see her as I was still going through a hard time. Sure enough, she made it a point to two tell most of my friends that she was seeing someone else and that hurt me but at the same time it helped somewhat letting me know that she's moving on and I need to do the same. Like careerchoice said those moments of moments of feeling normal again do last longer and dating definitely has been helping me. I cant tell you what to do but I think over all I it helped me move on not seeing her or hearing about her and you don't want to go backwards and it could set you back if she's seeing someone else. It set me back for a couple days but I got past it. Just know that whatever happens things do get better.