Vexna Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Hey everybody! So I'm in a form of dilemma where I'm in need of advice. You see, I used to have this great guy as a friend. We were friends for four years, went partying together, I tried to help him pick up girls, and so on. We even slept in the same bed and he NEVER, not once, layed a hand on me. He was attractice, had a greatlooking body and a masculine face with straight features, but wasn't my type at the time. We met in highschool, studying music and he was better than me so they had him teaching me. That's how our friendship started. I soon noticed that he was REALLY funny and easy to get along with, very well behaved and a real sweet guy that always showed me respect. SO we stayed friends but one time when we drank wine and a guy I sort of had something with physically, was there, we talked about having a threesome and (we were really young, just teenagers) ended up in the sme bed but nothing happened. We just talked and someone kicked someone on the leg or something for fun. But when we woke up, he was gone and had left a note saying he wanted to end the friendship. I understood nothing but didnt bother him out of respect. So time went on and we met by chance a year ago. We started talking and became friends again. He told me after a while that he was so in love with me back then (hey, I was a heavy metal chick with long black hair and leather pants. Who can blame the guy, right? ) but he never told me so I had no way of knowing. He said he went through a horrible ordeal back then, watching guys come and go and never did I consider him. He refused to go through that again gave me an ultimatum; either we became a couple or I'd never see him again. Well, I suffer from anxiety and feel calm with him since I knew him as a good guy so I didnt want to see him go. So I felt I had no choice but to give him a chance, althogh I'm really not ready for a relationship since I've been really burned and have given up on love. But, I gave him a chance. Now we get to the tricky part: A couple of months into the "relationship" I was raped. At first I was impressed with the guy but after he had sex with me against my will, well...you can imagine. Someone found out about the rape and beat the guy up. My friends thought I had sent someone to do it, which I hadn't. It seemed they were more on the rapists side than on mine, although they saw how he treated me at the party where it happened. My best girlfriend seemed to feel sorry for the rapist and I ende hers and mine friendship. She even went to the police and told them I had sent people to beat him up as a revenge. M didnt believe that I didnt want to have sex with him since I've been wanting to try rape play for many years ( common fantasy amongst women) and he has problems with trusting people and he knows I like rock guys and that I was impressed by this guy in the beginning. He doesn't seem to understand that something like that has to be with someone I trust and not a random rocker guy at a party. In many ways, he's like a child in the way he thinks. It's like he neevr became an adult. Anyway, I was in an emotional strange state afterwards and when M came to my place and i told him about it, I seemed cold and distant, because I felt as if I was in some sort of chock. He never really believed me about it and we broke off the contact. He even promised my one friend who both believed me and hated him for not believing me, that he wouldnt force me to say I wanted to have sex with the guy. Later that same night, he sat for an hour forcing me to tell him I wanted it and when I didnt, but almost started crying, he just walked off. After that there was no contact for months, I was pretty much in bed for 7 months, crying and recouperating after the rape and losing my friends over this. (I broke it off with them, I couldnt believe they didnt believe me. They saw how he treated me and what would I possibly gain by lying about such a serious thing? I even had bruises along one side of my thigh that i showed them.) I slowly, slowly started to become my old self again, partly thanks to my REAL friend, even tough I really missed M. He started putting letters or notes in my mailbox because he missed me and wanted to start seeing me again. Oh you better believe I yelled at him in those letters! I was FURIOUS! But never said anything that wasn't true. He has ADD and can't take medications for it since they make him worse so he's untreated for it and he's a very special person. He has no phone, no cellphone, no computer, no tv (it's broken and he doesnt fix it), no internet and hardly any furniture at his apartment. He spends most of his time at his parents on the countryside and stays there for months on end. He's retired for the ADD so he doesnt work and he has absolutely NO interest in sex whatsoever. He suffers from erectile dysfunction and can only get it up while masturbating. The upside about him is that he's VERY funny and I can tell he's intelligent although he doesnt fix anything, if something breaks down, he doesnt do anything about it, he just lets everything be, he doesnt even clean his place as he should. It's not extremely filthy but it certanly isn't up to my standard. He talks alot about things to do, like taking pictures of me with his camera or fixing a double bed so I can stay at his place, but it never happens, its just talk. I'm asking you guys here today about this because I really like the guy but deep down I understand that this is a dead end. I'm not stupid, I get it; he's too sick to have a relationship. I'm sick myself with amongst other things, depression, and the other day a lot of things happened and I could use a place to stay over night. Of course he couldnt be reached since no phone and all of that (he's lost every phone he ever had, it seems, the ADD again) and I feel so... ANGRY! Where is he when the hits the fan? Nowhere to be found, hiding out at his parents place like a scared little rat! And then when he's been away for a while he comes back and expects me to be here to do fun stuff. If I'm in bed, tired and depressed, he's out the door. There's another thing aswell: I'm a sweet person, a christian woman and am trying to love people and live the best way I can but am I too sweet? I have a feeling that any other girl would have enough of this WAY back and that I'm too nice cause I know him and I know that he's not faking anything but he really has BIG problems with the ADD. He's even gotten the diagnosis manic depressive (bipolar) and schizophrenia so hmm. I doube he has allof that but ADD is for sure, he even covers his ears out in public when the chit chatter gets too much for him. And we're 40 and 41! Anyone can tell that's not a normal behaviour at this age, maybe a 5 years old but as an adult? No. So, what should I do? Am I being too harsh? He is really sweet and well behaved but it really bothers me that he dissapears and I cant ever count on him being there when I need him. It's lke he still lives at home.although hes grown. I guess I have to tell you that he's been smoking hasch for ten years and have been drinking heavily but have stoped doing that now. I'm positive that the substance abuse (which I'm funny enough, competely against partly because of my religious believes and partly because I have seen what drugs do to the human brain and personality) so I think much of his behaviour is because of this. Sure, he was weird in highschool to, but not like now! Somehting else that I REALLY dislike about him, is that i have a credit card and he asks me to loan him for drinks on it. I've told him I don't lend out money for alcohol and that if it would be a different story if he was out of food or something acute like that but for drinks? Noway! Still I did it and havent got any of the money back. It's not a big sum, maybw $100 at most but still. What kind of guy lends money for his "date" to drink? get that its hard for hm to party without drinking since the alcohol softens all the chatter from people around but still, I can't pay for that. I'm just as poor as he is. Then there's another question: The only type of porn he has home is regular and a alot of anal porn. He's told my gay friend he was goodlooking and his father is on his case about settling down and getting a girlfriend. He even asked me once if we could do it analy instead of regularly when we tried to be intimate. (I know, bad of me considering my religion, but I'm not perfect. I try though but sometimes I slip up.) He also talks alot about buff guys bodies, like Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger. He wants to be a macho guy, which he is in his ways but could it be a gay thing? His own friend said he came up from behind on him and put his arms around him so he said "What the hell are you doing?!" "Hey, I just want some affection" he replied. His friend means thats really gay cause a straight guy wouldn't do that. I'm really confused, is he mentally ill, uses me for money, is damaged by drugs, a douche AND gay? Or does he treat women badly because he IS gay so he doesnt really care? WTH is going on here? So..my basic question is: Am I right for feeling angry or am I over reacting? Is he a douche or is he okay? HELP? (And yes, I relise I'm old enough to not be in need od this kind of advice but this guy is just too strange, I canät figure this out.) I've asked him about the gay thing and he becamse angry and almost cried. He seemed REALLY offended by it but maybe that's cause he can't admit it to himself? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.