I got dumped

[scaredduck]

I recently got dumped. Few months ago. It was my first ever relationship, but second time being dumped. Perhaps I shouldn't have gotten back with him, but he really wanted to be back together so I gave it another shot. I don't regret that decision. I've learned a lot about myself through being in a relationship.

 

I've really missed him. But in retrospect..... I really did feel terrible when I was with him. For the best part of a year, I felt like I was on eggshells, I felt unimportant. I'd see him once a week - I looked forward to seeing him yet he clearly didn't care if we saw each other or not (he said this). If I stayed over more than once in one week, I felt lucky, or I felt like I was in his way.

 

i don't think you should have to feel so on edge in a relationship. He knew how I felt and didn't offer any reassurance, he would just get angry at me whenever I felt unwelcome. when I think about his tone, how he would word things, how irritated/angry he would get with me... I just feel a knot in my stomach ... the same knot I had almost consistently throughout that relationship.

 

i know it's normal to feel alone/lonely. I've hung out with friends since the breakup (made new friends too) and I know that I'm happy when I'm busy. But I'm susceptible to low moods, I saw a counsellor about it and it did help. I get so low sometimes that I can't do anything. ....I just want to be wanted!

 

So..... sometimes I see glimpses of light at the end of the tunnel. will I ever find someone and be like 'this is what I was missing!' ... will somebody treat me better? I mean, surely... hopefully. But for now I just feel really lonely

[timestand43]

Hello, sorry you're going through this. My very first relationship ended as well, about a month ago, so we can relate on some level. Learning a lot from the relationship is very important. It is perfectly normal to miss someone especially if we invest a lot of time and emotion to them, even if the relationship was somewhat toxic.

 

I want you to know, I get how it's like to be walking on eggshells, my relationship was like this as well. But it was due to my exes anxiety and PTSD, I had to be EVER so careful about the things I did and said, but even then that wasn't enough, it was all too much. We all deserve to be treated the right way no matter the circumstances. The knot you feel, is it anger, frustration, sadness? Maybe something else? Try to channel your stress into something you've always wanted to do, but didn't have the time to do since the relationship. I started playing piano after we broke up, and it's great, can't help but smile whenever I sit down and play for hours on end.

 

Feeling alone and lonely is perfectly fine, being out with friends is great. But sometimes all that does is numb things until you get home or seclude yourself and it all just rushes back. May sound odd, but try meditation. There are a lot of sources online that can guide you. Take about 10-20ish minutes just trying to clear your thoughts. It helped me a lot when the low moods came whenever I was alone and didn't have any friends or family to have fun around. It may help you focus on the good rather than the bad if done consistently.

 

Will you find someone better? Absolutely. It may not seem so right now, you just need the time to heal. View the relationship from third person, what did you enjoy, what did you absolutely hate? You seem to know to some extent. Since it was the first relationship, you can get a better sense of how you wish to be treated in the future. If any partner in the future does not treat you the way you wish, stand up for yourself! Don't stand for the treatment you received from your first relationship. You have some experience under your belt that will support you in that area. Take your time.

[RKO]

Whilst I'm no expert I do believe the 1st cut is the deepest.

It hurts like hell now, I know, I'm going through the same, but imagine how good you will feel when you meet someone who is excited to see you?

 

Don't let this relationship make you feel like it's the norm, it wasn't.

[No1]

What you fear is common but its not what is really going to happen. Sounds like you are fearing that this relationship, as bad as it was, was going to be your only relationship. So you are kind of holding on to it for fear that is it.

Nothing can be further from the truth. Let me tell you something that you probably didn't realize. You attracted someone. That means you can attract someone else. If you can attract someone else, then you have an excellent chance in being in another relationship and a better one. This relationship you just had was just not good for you. You were not you. You hid your true self just to maintain the relationship but you were not happy, you couldn't be yourself, you couldn't relax, you just couldn't be you. So rather than thinking that is it, you have to believe that there is better out there and know that you will meet someone else.

But its going to take work on your part. You have to go out there and do things that make you happy. Do something that makes you smile. If you like art, do your art. Like to work out, then go work out. Right now its about you and making you happy. Also know that the previous relationship just wasn't for you. It wasn't a good fit and nothing you could of done to have made it any better. There is no fault or blame, just say it didn't work out and in time you will meet someone else.

Its going to happen. Just make you happy.

[Beauty810]

You should talk to him about why you feel so insecure and unwanted in the relationship it definitely takes communication and understanding on both ends ! He has to learn to stop shutting u out whenever your in your feelings ! What I think helped me and my boyfriend was Juss during the day as things changed and our communication gotten better I would address it and make it known that I see he's changing and I love him and hoping things get better in every step of the way that way he sees things can be changed for the better and you both are willing to do watever to make the relationship work! Hope this helped.