Did I do the right thing? Ignored Ex's message.

[Lazyb0ne]

Hello guuys, lately there are a lot of things happening regarding my future about career and I'm a bit confused about my love life as well. And I just want to know if I made the right decision. I apologize if I include too many details and did not go straight to the point.

FYI: We are both in our mid 20's and I am male.

 

So, I dated my ex a year ago (It was a duration of 8 months) and we broke up because of some issues in our relationship. After the breakup, I did NC/LC for for the whole 9 months. But she will occasionally msg me once every couple of months or so and I will reply in very blank statements. (And she continues to do it) And from the months of NC/LC I felt great, rediscovering myself, and doing things for myself. And recently, I started to think about the past relationship; about the mistakes that we made and I felt that it could've been better if we both worked a bit harder. So I started to miss her, so I msged her and we had a brief chat on how she is doing; just to find out that she has a new boyfriend of 3 months. I was a bit pummeled but at the same time, I'm not surprised due to after a year, people do go find another partner. I sort of made a straightforward response stating my intention to her that I would like to try again if we ever cross paths again in the future. She mentioned that she sometimes think about our relationship and she also thought that we could've done better if we tried harder. And then we sort of just continue chatting.

 

We continued the chat for about 2 days then she stopped communicating with me for around 3 weeks. (A conversation where I asked one thing and she doesn't respond) And I was fine with it considering that she is with someone now and it is better for her to not be too close with me. So I accepted the fact that shes gone and I should start NC; follow by improving my self development. Then after 3 weeks of ignoring me, she messaged me again and I thought its probably a friendly gesture. So we chatted for a bit (A couple of hours via text and not continuously) (10am-5pm) and then she ignored me for the rest of the day again. I mean, I did not expect anything from those messages but I felt that it was a bit rude.

 

So I remembered that she was working at that time when she contacted me both times and I infer that she texted me maybe because she was bored. And it finally occurred to me that I was being used as entertainment and is thrown away when she gets out of work. At the same time, it also makes me feel like I'm the "safety net"/"Backup" and she is just stringing me along. So when she messaged me again this morning (again, during her working hours); I ignored her 100% and strictly went NC.

 

So from all of this, I just want to know If what I did was right and that I am behaving rationally; perhaps not too sensitive.Also hoping that it is not caused by the other problems stressing me out. I mean, I still do want to take another shot at the relationship if she ever is single and that she also want it in the future. But I refuse to be someones backup or entertain as per now.

[Viewcart]

Good, my question is why didn't you NC sooner! Who broke up with who though?

 

You already knew she has a boyfriend, why are you still clinging on? Unless she's married to this guy, then you still have a chance but you will definitely lose her respect and become plan B if you keep entertaining her. Stay NC forever, date other women, and if and when both of you are single again, and she contacts you, ask her out- if you haven't already found someone else by then.

[Lazyb0ne]

Thank you for your reply. I was the dumper and I NC/LC when we first broke. And I also thought that since I'm the dumper I should reach out first (after a year). And at the same time, I thought that maybe I should state my intention and then return back to NC, which may be a bad idea. (on stating intention part.)

[Stefa16]

You did the right thing