Please listen to the advice people give you and don't do what I didn't do.

[deejay74]

Hi everyone. I know what everyone is feeling. The pain of a breakup can be the most pain you'll ever feel in your life. But, in order to get over it, please don't do what I didn't do.

 

I'm going to try and make a very long story short and just share with you my experience.

 

First of all, I have confidence issues, I have generalized anxiety disorder, and I have bouts of depression. I also have abandonment issues. I know not everyone is the same but I hope that my post will help others.

 

My ex broke up with me almost 4 years ago and it hasn't been until very recently that I am finally feeling like I have the strength to be over her completely. (If you want to read the full story, you can search my history from Sept of 2013). I had never been so in love with someone as I was with her and since then I have tried to date on and off, unsuccessfully. We had just rented a condo and were about to move in together. We also talked about getting married and I just got a really great job. We had an argument and she ended up breaking up with me the day before she was supposed to move in. That was the most devastating event that has happened to me and I even survived cancer in 2009. The worst part was, it was privately owned so we couldn't break the lease. My ex managed to get herself out by getting a lawyer so I ended up in that place alone for a year, which was the worst year of my life. I was reminded on a daily basis what had happened and it felt so depressing and empty.

 

I was so heart broken and in so much pain unlike anything else I've ever felt. After a few years of analyzing what happened, I also realized her breaking up with me brought up so many unresolved life long issues.

 

I ended up turning to alcohol and abused it for the past 3 years. I didn't listen to any of the advice I was given here or in therapy. I can't take anti-depressants because they have terrible side effects and my doctors refused to prescribe me Xanax because of my drinking. I was an avid weed smoker but for some reason I turned to alcohol. It was much easier to get drunk to make myself feel better but after it wore off, I felt worse, so I continued to drink. I couldn't find the strength, motivation, or energy to do what I needed to do to heal myself from the break up and to learn how to cope with life. I never learned how but drinking sure made me feel better.

 

All this time I have never been able to completely get over my ex and it's because I couldn't stop drinking in addition to checking up on her online. I was desperately trying to get back those moments of happiness with her and stalking her online was the only way I knew how to get closer to her. I also ended up pushing her away because I would periodically try to get in touch with her. But every time I saw her, I felt worse but it was a never ending cycle. So was drinking. I would always feel worse afterwards along with my stress and anxiety. I just couldn't stop and I don't think I wanted to. It became comforting and allowed me not to deal/cope with my pain from the break up and my lifelong issues. It was easier than do take the advice given from the kind people on here, from my family and friends, and from my therapist. I ended up being an high-functioning alcoholic and managed to move from that apartment we got together and to find 2 other jobs. But, I had to deal with being hung over every day along with not sleeping well. And yes, I was still thinking about my ex. I tried to date too but of course nothing panned out partially because me and partially because I never got excited about anyone.

 

It was a month ago where everything caught up with me. My new job is stressful and I was also dealing with stress from buying a house with my elderly parents. These were going on at the same time since I never learned to cope, and I continued to drink. I ended up in the hospital because one day after work, I had the worst headache. I went to the urgent care clinic and they took my blood pressure and said I needed to go to the hospital right away because my BP was over 200. I drove to the hospital as it was down the street and the clinic gave me paperwork to hand into the ER take-in clerk to be seen right away. I ended up getting admitted for almost 2 days. We had gotten the house at this point and my parents were already moved in (they had been stuck in Ohio up until we bought the house, which was over a 6 hour care ride from my area). I had a CT scan along with an MRI and MRA. They all came fine and there was nothing wrong with me. It was my inability to cope, along with abusing alcohol that lead me there. But having my parents visit me was comforting and I ended up telling them what was going on for the past 3 years because I hid it from them.

 

One little hiccup that didn't help with my recovery is that gave me this horrible blood pressure medication called Metoprolol. That ended up increasing my anxiety and depression so much so, that I was having emotional outbursts with my parents and I felt somewhat suicidal. This made no sense to me because I had stopped drinking and was finally doing what I should have been doing in the past 3.5 years but I wasn't feeling better, I was feeling worse.

 

I stopped taking that medication and in the past few days I have not felt better than I have in a very long time. I finally feel like I can get on track to where I need to go. I really sense the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

One unexpected result, however, is that I am missing my ex pretty badly right now but I am guessing it's because I never really dealt with that pain from drinking and not coping in healthy ways. I am being forced to deal with an issue that I ran away from and masked with alcohol.

 

Being in the hospital also was a wake up call and made me realize I need to make changes otherwise something worse could happen. I managed to quit drinking from getting Antabuse and it's helped a lot. I've also lost 12 pounds. It's been almost 30 days.

 

I guess the whole point in me sharing my experience is that I don't anyone else to go through what I went through and what I am still going through. I am not fully healed and I have a long way to go, but again, not following the advice and abusing alcohol were detriments in recovery and healing. I am happy that I have finally seen the light and I believe I have the strength and motivation to learn how to cope and to move on from my ex.

 

It is incredibly hard to motivate yourself to get through what you're going through, I know. Some of you may be like me where we never learned good coping skills. Learn them now, force yourself to learn them because even if you didn't go through a heart wrenching break up, some other painful event might happen to you.

 

I am not out of the woods yet, but I can finally see a clearing and I am more hopeful than I have been in a long time.

 

I am lonely, but I know I am not ready to date.

 

Anyway, this became longer than I wanted it to be but please, don't make the same mistakes I did, especially if you're prone to addiction, depression, anxiety, or have self-esteem issues. I left out a lot but if you have any questions, feel free to ask.

[Jibralta]

Glad to hear that you are getting better.

[limichelle]

I'm glad you are on the path to mending.

 

Thank you for sharing your story to help others. 🙂

 

Lisa

[Anna Bell]

Thank you for your caring and sharing. I'm very sorry that you went through so much! Glad to see your recovery. Truly inspiring. My thoughts are out with you.