Should I Believe His Story?

[Crissy]

I am new here and have a problem with believing my fiance. We have been together for 5 years now and we never fight. He is actually very good to me. He told me last week that he met an older man (a customer...my fiance is a store manager) whom he really liked and that the man had some possible "side work" for him fixing up a place on his property. I asked my fiance what the man's name was and my fiance said that he did not know. (Strange) All that my fiance had was an address (which I copied). I asked if he had exchanged phone numbers, and my fiance said no. I thought this to be very peculiar, for my fiance had plans to ride out to the mans address this past Saturday. I asked if he would like for me to tag along, and my fiance replied with a "hell no". "Let me hang out with this man, talk guns, smoke cigars...his wife isn't going to be around." I said fine, whatever. Soooo, when I got the chance, I researched the address. A few names came up. Male and female. I researched the female names on facebook and it turns out that a girl whom my fiance is friends with, lived at that address! When I confronted my fiance, he said that he did not know that she lived there, that the "man" must own the property (trailer). My fiance asked me if he kissed me enough, hugged me enough, payed attention to me enough..I said yes, you are perfect... too perfect. Then my fiance cancelled his plans to ride out to see "the man" and hardly spoke a word to me for the rest of the weekend. I don't know what to think. I want to trust him, but this story is very suspicious and I know that it might just be a huge coincidence that this girl lives at the address. Who knows, maybe she moved out and the older man was looking to get my fiance to help fix the place up to rent to a new tenant. PLEASE share your thoughts with me. P.S. My fiance "unfriended" her first thing this morning.

[Starlight925]

Um, yeah, suspicious doesn't even cut it. And the fact that he unfriended her, shows you that he knew he was caught red-handed.

 

I don't have any advice, but to be on your guard here. Sorry, I don't like this at all.

[reinventmyself]

I was waffling until the end. When he unfriended her that sent up a red flag.

I am not sure what exactly is going on but I suspect you'll find out soon enough.

[annie24]

I agree - this story sounds odd. I don't know what is going on (is he cheating, is there an older man that he has some dealings with, is something illegal going on?) kind of odd.

[jennylove]

Do you think you have good gut instincts/intuition? I'm a firm believer in listening to your body about people and situations. how did he cancel the plans with the "guy" when he doesn't have his number?

[nutbrownhare]

He was intending to have a hookup and then thought better of it, at a guess. It could have been because he'd been caught red-handed, or it could have been that he had a pang of conscience and decided he couldn't go through with it.

 

If it were a bona fide visit to see if he could do some work on the property for some guy, there would have been no need to cancel. If it were purely a coincidence that the girl lived at the same property, there would have been no need to unfriend her.

 

Did he have any reaction to you checking up on the address? If not, chances are it was a conscience pang. Whatever, I'd be willing to bet good money that this "older man" is actually female!

[Annia]

This is weird. It might be a huge coincidence, but if it was so why would he unfriend her? Very suspicious. And why would someone, man or woman give an address for your boyfriend go there without giving him his name or his contact? "Hey, just show up at my place at 10pm but if you can't find the place or there's a change of plans well... good luck, because I won't give you my number or even my name or any other information so you're on your own. But yeah, I'll pay you for the work and my wife will be out". And why would he ask the "do I kiss you enough?" or whatever questions?

 

But yes, you'll know soon enough.

 

Have you ever had trust problems with him? It seems like this might not be the first time since you were so diligent in doing your research.

[Annia]

how did he cancel the plans with the "guy" when he doesn't have his number?

 

Very good point here. I hadn't noticed this.

 

It might not be cheating, but something weird seems to be going on here or at least this doesn't make much sense.

 

I also find it weird and kind of "dumb" of him him telling you the address. He could've shut up about the whole situation. But some people on a unconscious level want to be caught or I don't know, it might be something else.

[Vicky89]

There's no "man", he made up a story of meeting an older man that needed him to work on his property, it was a lie to cover up him going over this girl's house to have sex and hang out, that's why he said " Hell no" when you asked to tag along and why he unfriended her later, because he knew he was caught when you found out that the girl he is friends with on facebook is the one that lives at the place he was going to go and you couldn't come.

 

I would seriously think about finding another man if this was the guy I was with, because he is lying to your face, cheating on you or working up to it and taking you for a fool.

[Vicky89]

Very good point here. I hadn't noticed this.

 

It might not be cheating, but something weird seems to be going on here or at least this doesn't make much sense.

 

I also find it weird and kind of "dumb" of him him telling you the address. He could've shut up about the whole situation. But some people on a unconscious level want to be caught or I don't know, it might be something else.

 

It's all simple, he was going to meet up with the girl from Facebook, but then he needed a story to tell his girlfriend of why he would be gone for hours on end, especially if he was looking to make it a thing to go over this girls house regularly. So he makes up the lie of meeting an older man that needs work done on his property, he figures that's good enough that she won't ask any questions and it won't be suspicious to be gone for hours. Later, his girlfriend does some digging and asking him further questions, finds out that's the house of the girl he is friends with on Facebook, and then his plans are ruined so he has to cancel going and then also unfriends her and probably deletes all the messages on Facebook of them talking.

 

It is what it is, he is not boyfriend material let alone husband material.

[Viewcart]

I think you should hire a private investigator because you won't get over this without knowing the truth. You can't assume anything without a PI.

The situation sounds very fishy to me. Keep us updated.

[melancholy123]

You used the word "fiancé" 14 times in your initial post! I think you should reconsider calling him that because, like most people who replied, I think he was prepared to have sex with the girl who lives/lived at that address and the "man" never existed.

[reinventmyself]

at the very least. . he's a really bad liar.

but I hope I'm wrong,

[reinventmyself]

I think you should hire a private investigator because you won't get over this without knowing the truth. You can't assume anything without a PI.

The situation sounds very fishy to me. Keep us updated.

 

or just drive by yourself . .

honestly, I would have done it by now

[Annia]

or just drive by yourself . .

honestly, I would have done it by now

 

I used to be against this type of stuff but when it comes to cheating and you have a feeling that something smells fishy and have reasons to think that, then I think it's totally justified to confirm. Better than being uncertain. However, regardless of the truth here, you don't seem to trust him. But then again his story seems incredibly fishy.

[Crissy]

My fiancé said that he would tell the man that "something came up" the next time the man comes into his store.

[boxingguy]

It is suspect.

 

Your only error was confronting him too early. Needed more undenialable evidence.

[SherrySher]

I agree with everyone else, there is no "man", but there is this woman and he no doubt was either hooking up with her or seriously considering it until you got nosey.

 

The chances that this woman he knew and this old man lived at the same address is bizarre and I would guess,made up.

 

If you want to know for sure you could go to the address, or you could dump him because he is a liar and cheater.

[Crissy]

He asked me the questions because I flat out asked him if he was planning on meeting this girl. He wanted to know if I had a "reason" not to trust him. I was diligent with the research because just about every guy that I have been with in the past, has cheated on me. I do not fully trust anyone. I thought that I could trust him, for he never gave me any reason not to trust him. But, this story just did not add up.

[Crissy]

He just re friended her...

[reinventmyself]

He asked me the questions because I flat out asked him if he was planning on meeting this girl. He wanted to know if I had a "reason" not to trust him. I was diligent with the research because just about every guy that I have been with in the past, has cheated on me. I do not fully trust anyone. I thought that I could trust him, for he never gave me any reason not to trust him. But, this story just did not add up.

But when you asked him a direct question and in response asks you one back. . that is a typical diversion tactic

He took the focus off of him and put in right on you and your trust issues.

[NightLily]

Hmmm, you could go an investigate but it sounds like you don't need to. If it will give you peace of mind you could go see that there is no old man there but realistically... there probably won't be. If you really want answers so that you know you are not just paranoid and ending it, drive out there and knock on the door. Tell them you heard they needed help do home construction. When they say no just go oh I'm sorry for bothering you.

[Crissy]

There were 2 men "not" related to her, and they are both 70 years old. Their names popped up when I keyed in the address. There is also another male who is close to the same age as the "woman". She is 48 and he is 46.

[nutbrownhare]

There were 2 men "not" related to her, and they are both 70 years old. Their names popped up when I keyed in the address. There is also another male who is close to the same age as the "woman". She is 48 and he is 46.

 

If he was looking for a justification to be over there on a regular basis without you questioning it, saying he was working for one of the old men would do. It would also explain why he had no name or contact number for someone who's supposedly a client. And given that he'd just be hanging around chatting to this guy because his wife wasn't going to be around... was there any mention of a woman at that address who would sound like a likely 'wife' - you know, same surname or suchlike?

 

There's far too much stuff in the original post which just doesn't add up, and I wouldn't believe his story for a minute.

 

If you don't want to act on it right now, then hang fire until events unfold. Things are likely to get clearer in time.

[Annia]

He asked me the questions because I flat out asked him if he was planning on meeting this girl. He wanted to know if I had a "reason" not to trust him. I was diligent with the research because just about every guy that I have been with in the past, has cheated on me. I do not fully trust anyone. I thought that I could trust him, for he never gave me any reason not to trust him. But, this story just did not add up.

 

Not trusting anyone it's on you because new men aren't to fault that the previous ones were cheaters. Even though their cheating is NOT and I repeat.. is NOT your fault, there is something that is drawing you to cheaters. Are there signs in the beginning that these men aren't emotionally available? Were there red flags in these men? Any patterns?

 

I have to agree though that this seems very fishy.

 

I don't know if this is a good idea, but if I was certain that I wanted to end this relationship I'd do some "trolling" like saying something about talking to the girl or us hanging out the three of us to see his panic face or how he would deal with that... but as I said, this type of games is not good... besides you already don't trust him.

 

Any previous instance with him where you objectively (not the insecurities in your mind) had reasons to think something was up like now?