I can't get over my Girlfriend's ty past

[Fabrizioldu]

I need serious help. I’ll give you the background and any help or advice is massively appreciated because I do love this girl. I’ve been with my girlfriend almost three year and it was going great until 1 year ago when I read her diaries (I know I wasn't supposed to do that). I found out she had slept with a LOT of guys before me. Well I know I'm not gonna find a virgin but what it makes me feel so bad about her is what she has done. She slept with guys the very first night they met (ok sometimes happens) but not every single weekend! I read she did drugs i saw a picture kissing his best friend who is Gay, also a picture making out with her 3 bests girlfriends at the same time, I saw a note that she wrote to someone in the bar saying that she and her girlfriends want to s*** his d***and they left their phone numbers and some more things crazy things. Now I literally CANNOT GET THIS OUT OF MY HEAD. I think about it a lot and I believe the issue resides in the sheer number of partners and I think, primarily, me thinking about her and them engaging in the physical act of sex. I don’t want to sound crude, but the fact that she has had so many guys inside her is driving me absolutely insane, my imagination and thinking about this is destroying me and us!!! After I read all of that i tried to just get over it because that was past but it hurts a lot that she doesn't want to have sex with me. Luckily we have once a month and always ask myself why she doesn't want to have sex with me if she used to have tons of sex. I talked to her about this but I don't see any change…. She says she loves me but I really can’t get it out of my head; the amount of men she’s had inside her and not having sex with me hurts me so much, it is a MASSIVE PROBLEM. I don’t know what to do, as I say I love her but I don’t know if I can ever get over it. I’ve not been a man- as it were, I’ve always enjoyed having girlfriends, but this has driven me to seek advice. Any and all advice welcome. Thanks!

[rosephase]

There are at least two different issues here.

 

1) you aren't having as much sex as you would like in a relationship.

That is a real issue of concern. Sexual compatibility is important. If you've brought it up several times and it isn't getting better and she isn't offering solutions then it's worth thinking about if this is really a good long term partner for you.

 

2) you don't value her as autonomous person.

You read her private thoughts and assume her past actions effect you even when they clearly don't.

This is also a massive issue. How many sexual partners she's had has nothing to do with you. Retroactive jealousy is a failure of character and something you should seek to fix if you ever want a loving balanced relationship.

 

My best suggestion would be to break up with her and work (maybe with professional help) on your insecurities.

[Clio]

Break up with her. Not because of her past but because you are not happy with your sex life. Her past is irrelevant. What is relevant is 1. Your current sex drives are incompatible 2. You don't trust her given that you snooped her diary 3. You cannot accept her past 4. You are unfulfilled and unhappy in the present.

 

It sounds like you two are too different to make it work.

[Towergreg]

I believe she is having sex with other men behind your back, you read her diaries, that was a mistake on your part, maybe your having sex with her is vanilla to her, she wants and needs more excitement, perhaps you should bring up role playing with her, maybe tie her up or let her tie you up, S&M,

B&D, talk about your fantasies and her fantasies, bring some excitement into your sex life, tell her you want to spank her or have her spank you, make her want your attention and forget about all those other guys, have fun with her, in 5-10 years from now this will be considered a great learning experience for you. What ever happens, I wish you the best of luck.

[MissCanuck]

I think the bigger issue here is that your relationship has run its course.

 

The disappearing sex is a big clue that she's not feeling it anymore. You reading her diary leads me to believe you already didn't trust her. In other words, there are a lot of problems in the relationship.

 

It is likely best to call it a day so you can both find partners who are more suitable.

[Wolfshook]

It's ok to have preferences, if it bothers you so much then you should break it off. But just number of people she had sex with shouldnt be your concern in general, but rather aftermath of this in form of STDs and emotional issues.

[ShatteredMan]

It's ok to have preferences, if it bothers you so much then you should break it off. But just number of people she had sex with shouldnt be your concern in general, but rather aftermath of this in form of STDs and emotional issues.

 

Agree. Get tested. Let her go if you can't deal with what you now know.