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Ex hot and cold... What can I do?


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So my ex contacts me the other day out of the blue. I was playing basketball and was only gonna reply the next day. Her text said.. " I know u said u wanted space. But I need to talk, let me know if ur up for it." So I continued on with my life.


Then while on my way home from the courts I get a call so not expecting it to be her I pick up on my ear piece... She then is like I sent u a message did u see it. I told her I did but I was busy and was gonna get to it. She then starts telling me even though I said I didn't wanna know what it's about that she misses me, I'm the love of her life, she can't get over me and that we should meet up." I told her I'd think about it. She was out having drinks with her girls and was lit also.


For some context this came the next day after I had gotten over her and was at peace with everything and preparing to start moving on. It's like they can sense it. Anyway I texted her back that I'm only free this coming Thursday. We were supposed to talk on several different occasions and so I figured this would be it and get it done.


She then sends me this email:




I decided to email to make sure I could get everything across all at once and clearly. And email just seems a better way of handling these things.


I'm genuinely and sincerely sorry about Saturday's call and messages. I know it came out of nowhere and must have been confusing as hell. Truth is, I made an awful mistake. I got lit as hell with the girls and they were asking how I am. I was telling them how much I was missing you and thoughts of being with you came rushing back and overwhelmed me. These thoughts have been on my mind for

a while now: missing you uncontrollably, wanting to cuddle with you and just be in your space. I guess it's the part of the process that I've been struggling with the most. The girls don't know I called you while we were all still drinking at the restaurant, or they would have stopped me.


I deeply, deeply regret setting us both back or derailing the healing process. We both know getting back together isn't an option, and I shouldn't have dealt with it so carelessly. I really, really am sorry about that. I got so overwhelmed by how much I missed you that I wasn't thinking clearly, and I ended up dragging you into my own confusion, which I completely accept was unfair.


I've thought long and hard about sending you this email now. I thought about waiting to Thursday to talk to you about this. But I decided to send this now because I didn't want you to have to deal all week with preparing for a difficult talk on Thursday, and to have unnecessary and potentially painful thoughts of how that conversation would go over the next few days.


I realise that what happened on Saturday has unnecessarily complicated things for you, and again, I deeply regret that. I also realise that this will likely jeopardise any hope of being friendly in the future, and I regret that even more. Out of all of this, that really is the last thing I wanted. All this time all I've wanted is to just have you in my life again, and I foolishly got overwhelmed by that on Saturday.


I'm so sorry.


I hope you're doing well.


Love always,



My question is how do I reply to this without either seeming cold or not getting the point. And also was it an ego thing on her part. Is she just stringing me along so that if the novelty of being single wears off she still has some type of emotional control on me. I believe she's sincere but also she's done things in the past that have made be look deeper into what she says and means...


Thanks guys.

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She said reconciliation isn't an option. That's all I would need to read..you can respond or not. I wouldn't meet up Thursday..I may not respond but if I did it would be a simple thank you or ok. Then cut her off and continue healing until she's a pleasant memory and that's it. This could've been an ego boost for her, some breadcrumbs or simply drunk texting. Whatever it was it's not helpful for YOU. That's the key. She's your ex so the only important thing is YOUR HEALTH.

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My question is how do I reply to this without either seeming cold or not getting the point.


You don't. Period.


Delete her number and continue to move forward. She needs to grow up and stop drunk dialing you. It's inconsiderate and selfish on her part. You were doing much better and all of a sudden she has a "moment" and puts a dent in your healing process.


I understand it may be hard, but reaching out to her will do no good. If she's waiting by her phone to see when you're going to e-mail, then that's on her. Maybe next time she'll think about getting sloppy and reaching out to an ex.


Good luck.

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Don't reply. What's the point?


She drunk-dialed you. She now regrets it. She said very clearly that getting back together isn't going to happen.


That's all you need to know. It's time to block her so she can't mess with you when she is having a lonely moment. You can see, the moment is just that - temporary. Her sober self knows she doesn't want to be together.

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