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Initiating contact after a year without any. Still in love


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This goes deeper than just initiating contact. So, I will start where her and I left off.

It was summer of last year and we had taken a break. From that break I decided that I did not want to live without this woman so I made plans to get engaged. I had the ring already and the break was more of a time to think what we wanted in life. Well, things went sour when we initially got back together. Most of it was my fault. I have BP2 disorder and I wasn't taking medication at the time. Its difficult to distinguish whether im sick or not mentally when I tip over the ledge, so to speak. We ended up having a big fight while on vacation with friends and family. I pushed too hard. I started the argument and took it to the wrong place from the get go. We ended up breaking up instead of getting engaged. The next few months after would get very bad. I wouldnt leave her alone digitally. I didn't stalk her, but I borderline harrassed her with the amount of ways I tried to communicate with her. At first I went dark for about two weeks. But as it ate at me day by day I determined I couldn't let her go. I couldn't lose the woman I wanted to spend my life with. Well, she decided that we needed to block eachother from social media and even from our phones. I reluctantly agreed and have regretted it ever since. I reached out in as many ways as I could but she never got any of the messages, emails, letters, etc.

 

It's been a year. A rough year. I have been through grief counseling, several different medications, and even quit my job to start my own company. I have rediscovered my passion for painting and love of building with my hands. But it's hollow. I've dated someone in between. But it was never going to be serious and it helped keep my mind off of my ex. But now that's been over for 3 months and all I can think about is my previous love. The one I should have never let go.

 

What's changed since then, that would have me wanting to reach out to her? She unblocked me on Facebook and all our old couple photos are still there, tagged and filled with loving memories. I even commented on one simply stating it was a fun memory, and she didn't block me. So now im trying to figure out how should I contact this person again. We live in different states now and I don't have her address. I can call her but it goes straight to VM. Sure I could call her from a different number but that would be tricking her and I don't want to start off by being deceitful. I've already asked myself, "why reach out? What good will it do?" And it might not do any good but I have to know if there is still a glimmer of hope. This woman changed my life. She broke my heart like no other before her. I have been lost without her. No matter the accomplishments I achieve without her, everything feels empty. I dream about her at night and think about her all day. I've come to terms with the fact I won't get over this hurt, but I haven't come to terms that it is completely over. I don't believe it. And so I ask, how do I reach out to this girl to ultimately figure out if I can get back what I had lost. I have grown and I have changed for the better. But at a cost that will always leave me wondering what if.

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I mean, it really is up to you, just brace yourself for disappointment though. Maybe it's what you need to hear though so you can finally move on once and for all. If she tells you there is no chance left, than it might be what you're needing to finally let go.

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I usually try to counter the pesimists around here but it sounds like you did a lot of damage post breakup with unwanted contact. You certainly don't want to trick her by using a blocked number or anything. Are you friends on Facebook now? If not, maybe try that first and see if she accepts. I'm so, I'd leave it like that for a month or so then I'd PM her and ask her to lunch or for a coffee.

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I don't really know how you will make contact with her if she's blocked you everywhere. If she hasn't unblocked you, then you're likely fighting a losing battle. What's your plan to get in touch, exactly?

 

Do you know if she's dating anyone? It's something you need to consider - it's been a year, so it's not out of the realm of possibility that she's moved on to someone else by now.

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Hi jacksonpollack,

 

I don't like to blindly follow the NC battle cry that gets used here so often. I think in your situation you can definitely take the initiative to try and become a bit more than you guys are now. I mean, what do you have to lose? You are not on speaking terms so you can't really push her away any further.

 

Be careful however, don't immediately throw all you emotions and feelings in her face. Be yourself, but be the opposite of the 'yourself' that got himself blocked one year ago.

 

I am in a similar situation by the way. I was on a break with my ex but I completely pushed her away by doing a lot of post-BU damage, also caused by some medication... Lately she has been starting to reach out again but I acted a bit too much like a cold fish.... Guess I felt the need to get some of my power back...

 

Our problem is also that we do not live in the same country anymore... In a conversation 1 month ago we briefly discussed visiting each other's country but I failed when it came to making definiate plans. I am thinking of trying again tomorrow...

 

Keep us updated on your situation

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  • 2 weeks later...
Hi jacksonpollack,

 

I don't like to blindly follow the NC battle cry that gets used here so often. I think in your situation you can definitely take the initiative to try and become a bit more than you guys are now. I mean, what do you have to lose? You are not on speaking terms so you can't really push her away any further.

 

Be careful however, don't immediately throw all you emotions and feelings in her face. Be yourself, but be the opposite of the 'yourself' that got himself blocked one year ago.

 

I am in a similar situation by the way. I was on a break with my ex but I completely pushed her away by doing a lot of post-BU damage, also caused by some medication... Lately she has been starting to reach out again but I acted a bit too much like a cold fish.... Guess I felt the need to get some of my power back...

 

Our problem is also that we do not live in the same country anymore... In a conversation 1 month ago we briefly discussed visiting each other's country but I failed when it came to making definiate plans. I am thinking of trying again tomorrow...

 

Keep us updated on your situation

 

I left her a nice VM a couple days ago. Nothing heavy and mostly congratulatory on her recent accolades. Then said that I hope she reaches out soon. Left it at that.

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Re: her unblocking you on Facebook. I hate to burst your bubble, but it's possible she just decided to unblock people, and yours was just one of the ones she unblocked. And not that she left your photos up as nostalgic reminders, but that they were simply still there, untouched. I know people who have had super nasty breakups, even divorces, and their exes photos were still there, not because of nostalgia, but just because they forgot to delete.

 

The fact that she didn't respond to the comment you posted, or the VM you left, tells me she still wants to be left alone.

 

I hate to not be more positive, as it really does sound like you've done a ton of work on yourself, for which you should be proud. I hope that the next girl you find will appreciate all the work you've done.

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