Conflicting Ideas on Intimacy Frequency

[mimentet]

Hello All,

 

I have been with my current girlfriend (both 30-somethings) on-and-off for under a year, and we typically have sex only about once or twice a week, despite being able to see each other just about every day and having ample opportunity for alone time. We are almost never intimate in any other way outside of those couple of times when we have sex (really no fooling around, not even passionate kissing; just a few pecks here and there). This is in accordance with her wishes. When I bring up the my desire for more, she says that all I care about is sex. Or that she wants us to have a deeper connection and wants me to connect with her in some way outside the bedroom. However, we have a deep enough connection to be getting ready to move in together in August, for her to admonish me for thinking about buying a house because I should wait till we can get one together, and for her to impress upon me her desire that I get various preventative health check ups so that I am in good health when we are old together. I should add that she is not the type to be uninterested in sex in general, either. Quite the contrary, she is constantly working the theme into conversation with friends, has a raunchy sense of humor, and occasionally recounts having sex daily with past boyfriends.

 

Am I wrong to feel dissatisfied with this? I have not been in very many relationships, is this fairly normal and I just don't realize it? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Thank you very much.

[mustlovedogs]

I don't think passionate kissing all that often is common. And I would find any kind of intimacy will typically lead to sex once you've already had it.

 

Twice a week is a pretty good frequency IMO. How much do you want? Every day probably isn't likely in most relationships.

 

HOWEVER.

 

Why are you on and off? That's more concerning than anything else.

[Careerchoice]

Am I wrong to feel dissatisfied with this?

 

I mean I would say you're not interpreting it properly. A woman's sex drive is directly proportional to her interest in you. I sense a lack of it from her. I'd need to hear more to be sure, but I get the sense that you don't have enough of a spine with her. It sounds like she runs the show.

[mimentet]

She broke up with me for a couple of months. The reasons she cited were my paranoia (I have bipolar 1 with paranoid delusions) - which was entirely centered around the fact that I felt like she might have been cheating on me, the "incidents" caused by my paranoia (which I believe was a reference to our arguments and a couple of times when I reacted to them by storming out), and by me being emotionally abusive (meaning my voicing my displeasure with frequency of intimacy as well as the stuff mentioned above), and the stress caused by all of that.

[mimentet]

Yeah that's exactly what I think it is. She is a very strong woman and she runs the show without a doubt. She basically decides everything, down to the smallest detail. She often talks about my emasculating ways, and how they are a turn off for her.

[Careerchoice]

Yeah that's exactly what I think it is. She is a very strong woman and she runs the show without a doubt. She basically decides everything, down to the smallest detail. She often talks about my emasculating ways, and how they are a turn off for her.

 

You need to reverse that sir, if your relationship(s) has any chance to survive. Stick up for yourself. Speak what's on your mind. Demand the best treatment from her. Argue with her. Don't waver in your point of view if you know you're correct and she doesn't say anything to change your mind. Dump her if she's being unreasonable. Push it to the extreme and step out of your comfort zone with this.