karla0522 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Okay so this is my story in a nutshell. My boyfriend (Allen) and I have been dating for almost 2 years. In these two years, we haven't had sex or done most of anything else. Right now it is June and I found out in April (about 2 months ago) that he cheated on me. He was texting another girl about having sex with her and doing a bunch of things. I confronted him about it once I had all the details and he told me that he didn't know what he was thinking and and he was horny and (he recently had surgery and had been taking Percocet) he blamed the Percocet for not being in his right mind. However, Percocet only makes someone tired, it doesn't cause someone to not be in their right mind. So it was obvious he was making excuses. After I confronted him I took 2 days to think about everything and I ended up telling him that even though I haven't forgiven him yet I'll give him a second chance because I love him. Now, almost two months later, I still haven't forgiven him and I don't know what to do. I told him that we need a break so as of right now we're taking a break for a week. Now to get into a backstory, Allen has been with many girls and basically everyone who knows him considers him a player. However, as long as we've been dating he hasn't done anything besides what happened in April. He keeps telling me that he loves me so much and he will never cheat on me ever again and I feel like this has been a wake up call for him, but at the same I don't want to risk getting hurt again because I won't have sex with him or give him what he wants anytime soon. Please help me out here Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ziggy123 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 so sorry that this happened to you. I would guess that he does really love you but he is also missing out on a very I.portant part of a relationship. I think you need to both talk honestly about going forward, if you are both on very different pages sex-wise then he might be unhappy and start to look elsewhere again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 If you can't forgive him then do the right thing and let him go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ziggy123 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Also 2 months isn't enough time for you to get over the cheating. It could take years possibly, so you need to decide if that it worth it to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Are you waiting to have sex until you're married? If so, then you really need to decide if a known "player" who has already strayed is someone you want to marry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melancholy123 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 How is it that you say you havent had sex with him in two yrs yet he has sex with someone else and yet you dont kick him to the curb? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 For clarification, did he confirm he actually had sex with the girl he's been texting? I'm not certain if he was caught sexting or if he's already slept with her. How did you discover all of this? I ask because I would be very suspicious that this is not the first time he's actually done something like this. It may just be the first time he's gotten caught. In any event, he's not honest and not who you thought he was. The relationship should be over. What is the reason you're not having sex? It might just sadly be that he's not as okay with no sex as he let on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karla0522 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 For clarification, he didn't actually have sex with her, he was just texting her about having sex with her. He told me he texted her because he was horny. I'm not waiting until marriage to have sex, I'm just waiting until I feel I'm ready. I discovered this from a friend (nick) who is friends with a girl named (Vicky). Vicky is best friends with the girl Allen texted and Vicky told nick, who told me everything and sent me screenshots of what Allen said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Is he still on Percocet? It's a very addictive pain medicine. He was pre-meditatively seeking out sex with someone that was willing to have it with him. That is worse then it happening in the spur of the moment. He was planning it. (something else for you to think about). Do you think it would be a one night stand if he got away with it without you finding out? I doubt it when he's not getting it with you. He's obviously not capable of waiting for whatever it is you're waiting for. What ARE you waiting for. You've dated for two years now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karla0522 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 No he isn't on Percocet anymore. Unfortunately, I think you're Right it's just hard because I do love him so much and no matter how many times he says he loves me and he'll never do it again, I don't believe him. When I recently brought it up again and told him that we needed a break he started crying and saying that he loved me and was begging me not to break up with him. It breaks my heart and the last thing I want to do is hurt him so that's why I'm really stuck and don't know what to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 No he isn't on Percocet anymore. Unfortunately, I think you're Right it's just hard because I do love him so much and no matter how many times he says he loves me and he'll never do it again, I don't believe him. When I recently brought it up again and told him that we needed a break he started crying and saying that he loved me and was begging me not to break up with him. It breaks my heart and the last thing I want to do is hurt him so that's why I'm really stuck and don't know what to do. >How old are the two of you? >Why are you waiting to have sex? Did you want to be married to him first? >Is this a long distance relationship or one that has been arranged? >Do you expect him to remain celibate indefinitely Or, are you doing everything but intercourse? If you want to stay with him because you love him and he loves you then have you thought about going to couples counselling to help you learn to forgive and to help him to come to terms and accept that he must be monogamous both physically and emotionally if he wants the relationship to continue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 OP, you are being too nice and too passive. I know you love him but you really need to go and find your backbone, girl. You are afraid of hurting him? Yet, does it not hurt you that he is getting his rocks off sexting with some other girl? He cried because he got caught. If he loved you, he wouldn't have been doing this to begin with. And I think you've just discovered he didn't "use to be" a player; he still is. He's been playing you, sadly. It's not even as though he did the right thing by coming clean and confessing. You found out from someone else. That is precisely what makes me think this is not his first time doing this, but it just so happened he was doing it with someone who has a connection to you so he got busted. What did the messages say? How did he meet this girl and exchange contact details? How can you be sure they haven't had sex? There are so many more questions you should be asking; it's not just about a couple of sexy messages exchanged. I know this is painful. It's hard to reconcile the guy you thought he was with the guy you've just learned he is. I've been there. But the truth is staring you in the face. If he wasn't okay with not having sex, then the truly loving and respectful thing to do would be to let you know that's a deal-breaker for him and then part ways honorably. I'm curious though, why do you still not feel ready to have sex with him after 2 years? That's a substantial length of time to wait, barring religious reasons, some type of past sexual trauma, or a decision to save sex until marriage. I am wondering if there was something more amiss with the relationship and with him that made you hesitate to get truly intimate with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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