What to do

[Munchen]

Not too sure if this belongs here. My ex gf and I were taking a break around march and we weren't contacting each other till may when she told me she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is of the strong character and sounded like all was gonna be well only that this next year would be pretty tough due to surgeries and chemo.

 

Things ended not too well as I felt I was taken for granted so I was pretty much moving along with my life. This news came abou5 at the worst time because although I didn't want to see her because I was hurt I fel compelled to be there for her but it's making things hard because of my feelings for her and I find it hard putting them away when I check up on her.

[seizeilgiron]

Oh man, that sounds like you're in a tough spot. Do you want a relationship with her still? I'd figure that one out first.

 

If you don't want to be in a relationship with her, it sounds like it will be awkward. If you're supporting her through this, then maybe old feelings will come about.

 

But then again, I understand why you feel compelled to be there for her. Maybe it seems like a judgement of your character...

 

Maybe someone else or other people can be there for her, clearly since this seems to be on your mind.

 

Just do what's best for you, that you think.

 

Good luck.

[Munchen]

I'd be lying if I said I didn't want anything with her and know she loves me as well but timing and all that jazz. I'm deeply hurt as to why she left and know it has to do more with her than me so I'm good and don't feel too bad but still very hurt obviously.

 

She of course gave me the talk when she first called to tell me the bad news that I not worry and she doesn't need me going over to see her ( doesn't know how she'd feel if she saw me) and texting would be just fine. The following week I took her out for dinner and didn't seem to fight me on that when I told her I'd be taking her out. I just feel like I can't sit by and even though she has a VERY good network of people around her to help I feel like I shoukd be there for her.

 

I don't plan to go see her anymore after that once but figured I'd keep in touch via messaging and see how's she's doing but nothing more. It is difficult to separate my emotions from this but not so much if I don't see her in person.

[luminousone]

 

I don't plan to go see her anymore after that once but figured I'd keep in touch via messaging and see how's she's doing but nothing more. It is difficult to separate my emotions from this but not so much if I don't see her in person.

 

She did tell you that it was better not to see you, and that she has a large network of support. So I think you are making the right choice, especially since that is what she told you.

 

She is going to need to put all of her emotional resolve into beating the cancer, so it is best for you to stay away so that she can keep her focus on that.

 

If you feel you need to do something from a distance, then you can keep in touch by text perodically. Tell her you are physically keeping away to allow her to focus on getting well. But also tell her you will be available in a pinch if needed.

 

I have personal experience with this. My ex left our marriage, and then I was diagnosed with breast cancer a month later. He wanted to help, but I mostly shut him out, because I needed my focus on getting well. And I did. I've been cancer free for 8 years now.

[Munchen]

She did tell you that it was better not to see you, and that she has a large network of support. So I think you are making the right choice, especially since that is what she told you.

 

She is going to need to put all of her emotional resolve into beating the cancer, so it is best for you to stay away so that she can keep her focus on that.

 

If you feel you need to do something from a distance, then you can keep in touch by text perodically. Tell her you are physically keeping away to allow her to focus on getting well. But also tell her you will be available in a pinch if needed.

 

I have personal experience with this. My ex left our marriage, and then I was diagnosed with breast cancer a month later. He wanted to help, but I mostly shut him out, because I needed my focus on getting well. And I did. I've been cancer free for 8 years now.

 

Thank you luminousone, Good to hear you won that battle. I can't imagine what it must have been like considering you two were married, that must have been some emotional rollercoaster!

 

Also, looking at this objectively I see our issues (breakup) so small compared to what she's going to have to go through and that definitely helps to be able and put my feelings aside for the greater cause.