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I have a friends. But they have a lot of secrets that they didn't tell me as if I'm not their friend. And one of my friend, I consider her as my bestfriend but she have a another bestfriend in other section. What should I do? I want a real friend that we can relay on each other .

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Friendships don't have to be perfectly reciprocal. I am perfectly aware that the person I give the superlative title of "best friend" to would not name me as her one and only best friend. She would call me one of several special, dear close friends that she has, and I am fine with that. She is a more outgoing and bubbly person and makes friends much more easily than I do. However, we are still both sharing personal stuff and we have the same level of emotional engagement, so to speak, it's just that she has multiple friends that she is that close to, and I do not. (Although I do have other close friends as well as a sister that I am very close to).


I have also been in friendships where you realize that you have made that person a "tier A" friend, but they look at you as a "tier C" friend. You know you are in this kind of friendship when you drop plans or are willing to make last minute plans to do things with this friend, but come to realize they only ask you for plans when other friends can't do things, when you reveal personal things, like your dating life, and then are completely blindsided when it comes out that she had been dating a mutual friend for months, etc. Basically, you realize that you are giving this friend way more of yourself than they are giving to you.


That doesn't even mean that this friend is doing something wrong. They may not realize that you don't talk about your love life casually, (or your estrangement from your sister, or your parents' divorce, or whatever your deeply personal stuff is), they might not realize the priority you are putting on your hangouts, or the slowly building resentment and hurt you are feeling. They are just oblivious and consider you a casual friend (and think you think of them that way too.) OR they could be a manipulator, who enjoys getting massive attention from others (and is frequently moving on to new bffs because they tend to burn out friendships before too long.)


Be charitable and assume the best if you can. But, distance yourself from the friendship. Being friends with someone who doesn't value you is just exhausting and hurtful. Turn down (at least some of) their invitations. Don't tell this person your personal stuff. Give yourself (and them) space. If this person is a good person and you guys were just on different pages, sometimes you can "click" in a new way and build a healthier friendship (but probably not a best friendship). If not, then let it die.


True, deep friendships take a LONG time to develop, which is one of the reasons they are so precious. Be open to friendships with many people, but don't invest in them too quickly. Over time, as you see who sticks around through the good and ugly of life, you will know who is worth your trust.

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